Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The room was still dark when I woke up. I looked over at the clock on my night stand. It read 4:43. A big yawn escaped from my mouth as I attempted to sit up in bed. My back ached and my arms were sore. My throat was dry and my lips were chapped. I walked over to the desk, picked up my purse, and began rummaging through the items.

“What’s wrong?” asked Noah, sitting up in bed. For a second I had forgotten he was there. His voice startled me.

“Nothing,” I responded, finding my chap stick and applying it generously to my lips. Noah looked at the clock and groaned when he saw the time.

“Come back to sleep,” he said drowsily. I closed my eyes for just a moment before sauntering back over to the bed and crawling in beside him. I laid my head down on his chest and positioned my hand around his abdomen like I had done many times before. Only this time there was no barrier between our skin. His undressed body pressed up against mine. His arm wrapped around my body and pulled me in closer. I lay wide awake, feeling the movement of his fingertips tracing my shoulder in delicate circles as he drifted back to sleep. I enjoyed feeling the rising and falling of his chest and listening to the slow beating of his heart. I tried shutting my eyes again in hopes that I would fall back asleep, but I knew I wouldn’t.

I laid there with Noah for the good part of an hour before I couldn’t sit still anymore. I had to get up and do something or my thoughts were going to bury me in the ground. As slyly as I could, I wriggled out from underneath Noah’s arm and placed it down on the bed. His leg twitched a few times. I sat on the edge of the bed for a minute just watching him. Trying to remember what things were like before that first kiss.

I hadn’t seen Noah for a week after the funeral. When he showed up at my door one late evening, he was the last person I had expected to see.

“Noah,” I had said utterly confused. “Uh, what are you doing here?” His eyes were bloodshot like they always were.

“I wanted to see how you were doing since, you know�"”

His voice trailed off. “I’m okay,” I responded, still perplexed. Why had he come all the way here just to ask me how I was doing? He nodded, and we stood there for a moment in silence. Both of our eyes looking at the ground, wondering what the next word to be spoken would be.

“Would you like to go for a walk?” he suggested, breaking the silence. I still wasn’t sure what his intentions were, but I concurred.

We walked around town for the better half of the night. At first, it seemed strange. Walking around with Noah. Before this all happened, I would’ve bet money that he didn’t even know who I was. Noah was idolized, and I was overlooked. He was luminous, and I was just transparent. To all of the others, Noah was a glorified legend, and I was what they call forgotten.

“Why did you run out of there the other day?” he asked after we had walked in silence for about two minutes. He was looking at me, but I was looking at the ground. Our feet walked in rhythm. That bothered me, so I slowed my pace slightly. Instead of answering I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t feel comfortable reliving that day. For the past week, all that was going on in my head was visions of Alex. Haunting me. “Well, there’s got to be some reason,” he said. His voice sounded contemptuous.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I guess I couldn’t stand being there anymore.”

“Why not?” he probed. He was still looking at me, and I wish he would stop. I despised those eyes on me. Watching my every move.

“I couldn’t stand seeing her father,” I replied.

“Why?” he prodded again. My cheeks were getting red.

“I don’t know,” I stated again, hoping that he would be satisfied and look away. As long as his eyes were on me, I couldn’t think straight.

“Come on Charlie,” he said lightheartedly. “We both know there’s a reason you left.” I stopped walking. I stood there for a moment trying to catch my breath. I didn’t want to tell him, but I knew there was no other way to get his eyes off of me.

“I left because I am the reason she’s dead,” I shouted, louder than I had expected. Noah raised his eyebrows. He certainly didn’t expect that answer. At least, that’s what his body language implied.

“What are you talking about?” he asked confused.

“She reached out to me,” I said. “She told me she was depressed. She told me. And I didn’t care,” I said disappointed with myself. “I let her go.”

Noah walked right over to me and wrapped his arms around me. He hugged me tight. I hadn’t been clasped that tight in the longest time. My head fell into his shoulders as I relaxed for the first time in a week. “This is not your fault,” he whispered into my ear. I nodded, but a tear still fell down my cheek.

It was still dark outside, but the first glimpses of sunlight were making their way through the curtains and into the bedroom. Noah’s leg twitched again, shaking the bed. I watched him. Noah appeared so peaceful this morning. I knew he hadn’t slept in days, so I left him there to sleep.

Quickly, I got dressed in a pair of shorts and an oversized tee shirt and headed down the stairs, counting each one as I went. Fourteen. I headed into the kitchen and placed a skillet on the stove. I was starving, so I couldn’t imagine how Noah was feeling. I figured I’d make him some breakfast. I grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and started mixing eggs and milk. I figured I’d make my famous French toast. Actually it was my grandmother’s famous French toast, but I figured she wouldn’t mind if I adopted her recipe.

While the first few pieces cooked, I cleaned the dishes to keep my mind preoccupied. I thought about Caleb. It had been almost two days, and I still didn’t have any word on him. I figured I should call his father and ask if there was anything new, but I had left my phone upstairs. I decided I would call when I got back up there.

I was just finishing up the last few pieces when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he said walking into the kitchen, rubbing the back of his neck. He wore nothing but his briefs, and his hair was a disheveled mess. He walked right up to me, and kissed me on the lips. I still hadn’t gotten used to that. “How’d you sleep?” he asked, holding on to my forearms in his hands. His hands were warm against my frigid skin. 

“About as good as I can with everything going on,” I said, biting my lip.

“He’ll be fine,” he said, rubbing my forearms back and forth in his hands. I hadn’t realized it until now, but this was wrong. Noah and me. I should have never kissed him last night. I had only wanted to shut him up. I never intended on anything else happening. He was vulnerable, and I was too afraid of what he would do if he was alone. So, I offered he come spend the night with me. I owed him, right? After all the times I laid in his bed wanting security. He deserved the same. It all happened so effortlessly. So naturally. And I had forgotten that he was smooth and charming, and I was feeble and weak.

We made love under Caleb’s roof and it was dreadfully wrong. I regretted it all.

“I think you should go,” I said suddenly, but not soon enough as the front door opened.

The front door and the kitchen were only separated by a short hallway, so it would’ve been impossible to hide Noah. I heard someone fumbling with the keys and placing it on the hook. I heard whispering, but I couldn’t make out the words being said. Then I heard footsteps up the stairs. I felt a wave of relief for only a moment as I realized another set headed towards me. Fear overwhelmed my body, as my hands shook. I pushed Noah behind me and tried to prepare myself for the encounter which was about to take place.

Mr. Kepner walked into the kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw us. He looked first at me, and then at Noah. He looked exhausted. Dark circles filled the crevices underneath his eyes and his shoulders drooped. He seemed angry, but too drained to deal with the situation right now. And as much as he didn’t want to, he knew he had to.

“What in heaven’s name is going on in here?” he asked, glaring at Noah.

Mr. and Mrs. Kepner had known that Caleb and I had broken up a few weeks ago, but they didn’t know the logistics of it. They thought we were civil with one another, but we weren’t. Caleb’s father’s eyes were glued on Noah. This was only their second confrontation, and I feared what might happen to Noah. I swear I saw flames bursting in Mr. Kepner’s drowsy eyes. He probably assumed I had cheated on Caleb. Well, I guess he was right, wasn’t he? “Mr. Kepner, I can explain�"”

“You can explain?” he nearly yelled. I had never seen him like this before. I had never seen him raise his voice on anyone. Not his wife, not on Caleb. No one.

“I�"”

“I bring you into my home, and this is what you do?” he shouted. My cheeks flushed, and I felt Noah’s hand grab my arm tightly. He had always been so protective over me. Now, I wasn’t sure who I feared more.

“This is all my fault,” said Noah timidly behind me. He stepped out in front of me. “I should go,” he said.

“You’re damn right you should,” yelled Caleb’s father. I’d never heard him cuss before either. I felt so ashamed.

Noah rushed past Mr. Kepner and ran up the stairs to retrieve his clothes. Mr. Kepner was steaming, and I was still petrified. I figured he’d kick me out of his house. I didn’t really blame him. I deserved to be kicked out for what I had done. I had no right to bring Noah here and to sleep with him under the Kepner’s roof. As much as I had convinced myself this was for Noah, it was for me as well. My egotistic self couldn’t stand being alone for just one night. Pathetic, I know.

He sighed. He was a man of the church. He couldn’t throw me out on the streets, and he knew that. I don’t think he knew what to do with me. He paced back and forth between the kitchen and the dining room running his hands through his hair. After what seemed like forever, I heard Noah’s thuds bolting down the stairs and in a matter of seconds he was gone.

“What were you thinking?” asked Mr. Kepner.

“I don’t know,” I responded, rubbing my hands together. “I guess I wasn’t thinking.” He stood there thinking about what to do.

“Why don’t you go upstairs for a while,” he muttered, still running his fingers through his greasy hair.

“How’s Caleb?” I asked quietly. I knew now wasn’t the time, but I needed to know.

“Alive,” he mumbled. I sighed a big sigh of relief. I couldn’t imagine losing him right now. I made my way past Mr. Kepner and up the stairs. Fourteen, I counted when I reached the top step. I wobbled into the guest room and laid down on the bed, stuffing my face into the pillow. I could still smell Noah’s scent on it.

                                 …

I awoke hours later to the sound of voices downstairs. I imagined it was Mr. and Mrs. Kepner discussing the incident. I looked over at the clock sitting my night stand. 11:37. I reached over and unplugged my phone from the charger. I had a missed call from Noah. I didn’t really want to talk to him, but I needed to know he was alright. I hit the redial button and placed the phone to my ear, waiting to hear his voice.

“Hello?”

“Hey Noah,” I said quietly.

“How is everything?” he asked concerned.

“Everything’s okay,” I responded softly. At least I think they were. I knew Mr. Kepner was upset, but he’d cool down soon enough.

“Good,” he said over the phone. He was still worried about me, and I could hear it in his voice. He was always worrying about me. I appreciated the gesture, but sometimes it was over the top.

“Thanks for taking the heat for me this morning,” I said sincerely.

“Of course,” he responded.

Silence.

“I missed you Noah.” It slipped out before I could even stop myself. I knew I shouldn’t have slept with him, but I did miss his friendship.

There was a pause. A long pause.

“I missed you too Charlie,” he said genuinely. Another pause.

“Where did you go?” I asked, confused.

I thought back to the weekend at the cabin. Hugging him goodbye as he dropped me off at my grandmother’s apartment. Had I known that was the last time I would see him in a month, I probably would’ve held on tighter. He paused again, for too long this time. “You still there?” I asked into the phone.

“Yeah,” he said gently. “Could we talk about this in person?” he asked. I considered all of my options. I highly doubted Mr. Kepner would allow me to leave this house without kicking me out permanently. I know I was technically an adult, and he was a man of the church, but I didn’t put it past him to do something like that. Not after the way I saw him react to seeing me and Noah. The only other option would be to sneak out of the house. I had done it before, but never here. I don’t know if I wanted to risk it, but I also needed to know the truth. I needed to know why Noah had disappeared on me.

“I’ll sneak out,” I said, without another thought.

“Oh Charlie,” he said, “You don’t have to do that. I�"”

“No, Noah. I’ve already decided.”

“But�"”

“Be out front in fifteen minutes,” I said hanging up the phone. Adrenaline was already starting to pump through me. I had snuck out of my grandmother’s apartment so many times. Never once had I been caught. I don’t know why I thought this time would be any different, but I needed to take precaution. I planned on going downstairs to get a glass of water and tell Caleb’s parents that I would be taking a nap. That way they wouldn’t think of disturbing me. Anyways, they were probably headed back to the hospital soon to be with Caleb, but I couldn’t face him yet. Not after he nearly killed me. That’s probably where I should have been going, but at least now I knew he was alive and breathing. I figured I’d talk to him sooner or later. After I told them I’d be asleep, I’d come back up to the guest room, lock the door, and sneak out the window, climb down the tree out front, and escape to Noah. It was a flawless plan and I was pleased with myself.

I started down the stairs, looking at the pictures of Caleb on the wall. There was one of him sitting in a sand box, holding up a shovel in his left hand and dumping it all over his legs. His hair was a dirty blonde that faded into the brown he wore today, and he was grinning as big as his little mouth could. His front two teeth were missing and there was a batman bandana around his head. I wondered when exactly that smile faded into the fake one he wears today.

As I meandered down the steps, fourteen in all, the voices started getting louder. I heard Mr. Kepner speaking to a woman, but it wasn’t Mrs. Kepner. I would’ve recognized her voice. It was a voice I had never heard before. Maybe it was one of Caleb’s relatives coming to see how he was doing. This must have been devastating on his family.

“She’s upstairs at the moment,” I heard Mr. Kepner say. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“A glass of water would be great, thank you,” responded the woman.

I walked through the hall still looking at pictures hanging on the wall. Caleb’s family was beautiful. If only they had a little girl, they would’ve been the poster family on every television commercial.

I turned the corner of the hallway and saw a woman gazing out the back door into the backyard. She stood maybe 5’7 and wore a full length summer dress with tan sandals. She was stunning. But her beauty wasn’t what turned my face a pale white and caused my legs to tremble. It was her hair. Her thick blonde curls falling down her back. The same blonde curls dwindling from my own head. I knew who it was the second I saw her. It was my mother.

I stood still in the kitchen staring at her. I had nightmares of this day happening. I hoped it would never come. But here she was, standing before me.

My mother turned around and faced me, her eyes the same shade of blue as my own. My grandmother was right. I was an exact replica of her physically. Thankfully that’s about all we had in common. She smiled at me, but I couldn’t smile back.

Mr. Kepner stood at the kitchen sink, filling up a glass with water. “There you are,” he said. “Charlie, this is�"”

“My mother,” I finished, cutting him off. He smiled as though he had forgotten his frustrations with me. Or he was pretending they didn’t exist because “company” was in the house. I glared at her. Of all of the people in the world, she was the last person I wanted to see. I don’t care if this woman gave birth to me. She was as good as dirt to me. For the longest time we just stared at each other. Not a word was said.

“I picked her up from the airport about an hour ago,” said Mr. Kepner. “I offered that she stay with us,” he continued. My eyes didn’t twitch. They remained locked on her. Her face looked the same as it did in the picture I had seen of her. Just a slightly older version. Mr. Kepner eyes shifted back and forth between us waiting. His words lingered in the air as our eyes remained steady.

“My baby,” she finally slipped out. I scowled at her.

“Don’t you dare call me that,” I said, my teeth clenched. My right hand was in the form of a fist as I dug my nails into my palm. How dare she call me her baby. Her precious f*****g baby. The one she f*****g ignored as she took down shot after shot. The one she left malnourished and unloved as she used a needle to escape her life. How dare she have the nerve to call me her baby. Yes, she is the one who brought me into this world, but that doesn’t make her a mother.

Her smile faded upon hearing the words seep from my lips. What the f**k did expect? For me to forget how she chose her addiction over me? That b***h can go to hell tomorrow for all I care. I never want to see her again unless she’s laying in a coffin. So I can go to her funeral and stomp on her grave. Nothing she could say would change my mind.

I turned and ran up the stairs. Mr. Kepner and my mother called for me, but I didn’t look back. Hearing her say my name was like scratches on a chalk board. A hideous cacophony that echoed through my eardrums. I slammed the guest room door open, probably leaving a dent in the white wall but I didn’t care. This plain room could use a little spark anyways. I grabbed my purse and my phone, and I prodded the window with one swift jab. Noah was just pulling up to my house, when I had finished climbing down the tree. A few protruding pieces of bark had gnawed at my skin, but those scratches didn’t hurt as bad as my ears. I thought they might be bleeding from the resonance left in my head.

“What’s wrong?” Noah asked as I grabbed the handle of his car door and got in.

“Drive,” I commanded anxiously. He obeyed, and with a press of the gas pedal beneath his foot, we were off. To where? Anywhere but in the vicinity of that vixen.

  

Reviews

[Lorry]

Guilt does funny things to people. Nothing makes sense when confronted with the sudden impact death and near death of a loved one has, but you portray it well here, with the back and forth with Noah and Caleb's Father, although it was Caleb's Father too that was stuck in a maelstrom of emotions as he walked into them both in his own house.
This chapter really bubbles with emotion and comes nicely to the boil as the rage of seeing the "mother" back in her life, and not at the request of Charlie. The confusion reigning down on her from every angle just seems to be saying to her that her pain won't end any time soon. Great chapter, really moving the story along so well now.

[Sarah]

Thank you for the review! Thought you might've given up on the story! ;)

[Lorry]

No, sorry about that. I went on a trip away for a few days and could only use the internet when I got back from the countryside, as it is very patch there. Back now and will be finishing it for sure. I'm too nosy to not find out what happens to Charlie and the rest of them. Loving it so far :)

[Rebecca]

strong, intense chapter. Again, another christian character. Really poignant writing, looking for the hope that Charlie will come to by the end of your novel. This chapter was a little confusing.

[Christopher Miller]

I think a story break would help when she jumps into a flashback. For the longer ones, anyway. The cues are there, but I had to pause and verify that we were back in the present. People will probably be reading quickly at this point, which is good, and so won't want to pause.
It was an interesting choice of what amounts to first words to her daughter. She couldn't very well have planned on what she was going to say, even if she had surely it would have escaped her under the weight of the moment. It makes sense, that she'd say 'my baby', Charlie couldn't be anything else in her mind, since she was a baby when she last saw her (as far as we know). That's the only image she has of her daughter. And it's very likely time escaped her, as the world marched on outside of the prison walls.
Something that seems absent by this point is her current feelings toward Caleb. How does she feel about him? She still feels some loyalty, we can tell. But how does she feel about the fact that he almost killed her while basically having a temper tantrum? Is there anything she's wishing she could say to him?

[Sarah]

Very valid points. Thank you for the criticism. I'll definitely incorporate them into my edits!