Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

Ten years was what my mother was originally sentenced. However with a few complications and being admitted to the psychiatric hospital, the institution contacted my grandmother and let her know that it might take a while longer. I didn’t know how much longer they had meant, and honestly I didn’t really care. I had no intention of hearing from my mother ever again. She was dead to me. Always has been. I could never forgive someone who chose a needle and a bottle over her own flesh and blood.

“What does the letter say,” probed Mr. Kepner, shocked that it was from my mother. I stared at it, skimming the words once more. I won’t share the sentimental version, but basically my mother knew she messed up. She knew she made a mistake when she abandoned me for her precious alcohol. And, to my surprise, she said she was sorry. Many times. And that she regretted not being able to watch me grow into a beautiful young woman all of these years. Finally, the last part stated that she had been released on parole a few years back, and she finally mustered up the courage to write to me. She was hoping to hear from me soon. It was beyond overwhelming, and I couldn’t even begin to explain all of this to Caleb’s parents. They would never understand my hatred for her. Those Jesus freaks were far too forgiving.

“Charlie, can I see it?” asked Mrs. Kepner expectantly. No way in hell was I about to let her read this letter. I didn’t even want to look up from my mother’s words to face their beating eyes again. Without another thought, I bolted up the stairs, skipping each step as I ran. Seven steps. As I reached the guest room, I frantically shoved my mother’s letter into my purse in the same spot that Alex’s letter once lived. As quickly as I could, I began rummaging through the contents of my purse to make sure I had everything: my keys, my wallet, my grandmother’s picture, and a bunch of other less significant items including my chap stick, a bottle of dark purple nail polish and a few receipts from things I had bought months ago. I needed to get out of here. Being in the presence of a pastor and his perfect family just reminded me of how much of an atheist I had become over the years, and I didn’t want to be surrounded by them anymore. I needed to be alone, and this room couldn’t suffice.

As I turned around to head out of the guest room, there he was. Standing taller than I remember and making me feel smaller by the second.

“Hey,” he whispered looking at me concerned. I had become so used to that look. The look of pity. It was the only look that anyone ever gave me anymore, and it became more frustrating every time I saw it. I just wished that someone, anyone, would look at me as something more than my mother. Her reputation was embedded in my own, and it was just so unfair. I never even had a chance to prove that I wasn’t like her.

“Hi,” I whispered back, unsure of what to do. I wanted to leave, but I also couldn’t pass up a conversation with Caleb. They had become such a rarity over the weeks, and I missed hearing his voice. It comforted me.

“Where are you going?” he asked. I guess he had been watching me gather up my stuff the whole time. I had been so preoccupied that I hadn’t even heard him come up the stairs.

“I have to get out of here,” I said, but he was blocking the doorway, and I couldn’t get past him.

I stood at the edge of the bed, directly under the ceiling fan. I could feel the wind blowing down. Surrounding my body in a sea of goosebumps. His eyes glanced away from mine and looked at the ground. I saw him biting his lip and tapping his left foot against the floor. He had more to say, I could tell.

“What is it?” I asked.

His eyes stayed where they were. “Charlie, I do love you.”

I tried to swallow, but my throat felt dry. I couldn’t stop looking at him. I knew he wasn’t lying. I knew he loved me. And I loved him too. But it still didn’t make up for the way he left me. Just telling me he loved me couldn’t fix all of the sleepless nights I had crying myself to sleep. I could never understand why he had just disappeared on me the way he did. His words couldn’t change anything.

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have left me,” I said firmly. My breath was quickening and I could feel the tears forming in the back of my eyes, but I refused to let Caleb see me cry. Not now. Not ever. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to block out the situation in front of me. I deserved a real answer as to why he left, and Caleb knew it too because I heard him sigh.

His legs meandered over to me and his arms held me for a while. It was probably too long, but I didn’t mind because I hadn’t been held like that in a long time. Finally, he stepped back and held my shoulders in his hands. “Will you go for a drive with me?” he asked. I swallowed once more and nodded.

 

                                 …

 

Caleb had an old pickup truck. His father was formerly the owner of the vehicle, but he gave it to Caleb about two years ago when he bought a more expensive truck. To avoid his parents’ questions, we snuck out the back door. He told me they had wanted to talk to me about the letter, but he told them it would be better if he tried to talk to me because he knew more about the situation than they did. Neither Caleb nor his parents knew much about the situation, but they believed him. I never really told anyone about my mother. Obviously, everyone knew that she was in prison and there wasn’t really much more to tell.  

His car smelled like vanilla and coffee. Boy, I missed coffee. My grandmother used to treat me to coffee most mornings. She’d make it in the old coffee pot that my grandfather had got her one year as an anniversary gift. It tasted like heaven in a cup, and I hadn’t had it in months.

“Can we stop and get coffee, please?”

“Of course, babe.” I looked over at him as soon as the last word slipped out of his mouth. His cheeks turned red. It was something he used to call me when we were dating. Something else I hadn’t had in months. “I’m sorry,” he stated as soon as he realized what he had said.

“It’s alright,” I responded. “I kind of missed that,” I added smiling out the window. I wondered if he missed it too.

We pulled up to a drive through, and he ordered two coffees. One caramel and one white chocolate mocha. My favorite. I couldn’t believe that he remembered. He handed me the drink and set his down in the cup holder. The cup was warm against my fingertips. I offered to pay for the drink, but Caleb refused to take my money. He always was and forever will be a sweetheart. “Thank you,” I stated, taking a sip of the warm drink. It tasted like home. The long lost home that I wished for each night. The one I never really had.

I didn’t know where we were going, and I’m not sure Caleb even knew himself. We both sat in an awkward silence drinking our coffee for a few minutes. At least the radio was on so we both had something to listen to rather than our unsteady breathing.

Outside, the sun was shining bright, and not a cloud appeared in the sky. What an absolute gorgeous day, yet I couldn’t even admire the beauty. My head was too wrapped up in the confusion that my life had become. I needed to know right now the truth. I didn’t care what it was. Maybe he had just lost feelings for me, or maybe something personal happened. No matter what it was, I needed to know why the boy I loved had abandoned me. Without hesitating, I looked over at him and said, “Caleb, I need you to tell me the truth right now. Why did you leave me?”

His eyes were focused on the road in front of us. We were about ten minutes out of town and driving on some old country back roads. The kind that twist and turn and wander all over the countryside. “I already told you, Charlie. Noah and I got into a fight, and I couldn’t see you anymore.” He was calm this time when he said it. No emotion subsiding in his complexion.

“What happened?” I asked. I had to know every detail.

“Charlie, I really don’t want to get into this,” he stated, his eyes still staring at the road.

“Caleb, I need to know.” My voice began shaking. I was afraid of what he was going to say.

“Okay,” he stated, pulling over to the side of the road and parking it on the gravel. He shifted the gear into park and turned off the music. And at last, he looked me in the eyes. I didn’t know why this was so hard for him. Taking in a deep breath, he grabbed my hand like he had done many times before. “I knew that you and Noah were good friends.” He paused. “I saw how he looked at you, Charlie.” He glanced away. Here it is. Now he was about to say something I didn’t want to hear. I could tell by the way he shifted in his seat. He was nervous or embarrassed or something, and he didn’t want to say it.

With my free hand, I reached out and tilted up his chin so I could see his chestnut shaded eyes looking at me. I could see the formation of tiny droplets in them, and I knew he was fighting back the tears. “What is it, babe?” I asked solemnly.

He grit his teeth and let out a sigh. “How could you cheat on me?”

I pulled my hand away. He had raised his voice and I had never seen him like this before. “What are you talking about?” I asked heatedly. I never cheated on Caleb. So maybe I did spend a few nights at Noah’s house when my thoughts were too much to handle, but I sure as hell never cheated on Caleb. How dare he accuse me of this. “I never cheated on you, Caleb.”

 “I trusted you Charlie. I trusted you to go to his grandparents’ cabin a couple of months ago. I knew how he felt about you, and I still let you go.”

The cabin? He thought I cheated with Noah at the cabin? “We took his parents’ boat on the lake, drank a few beers, and went fishing, Caleb. Nothing more,” I swore to him.

“Charlie, don’t you dare lie to me,” he stated firmly, staring into my eyes. I don’t think I’d ever seen him so serious.

I recalled that day in my mind. It was somewhat of a blur at first. I remembered the river and the boat. Drinking beer as we floated along with the waves of the current. The catfish he caught, and his hand pulling me into the river. I remembered the trip back to the cabin, drinking another beer, and then another. How much did I drink that night? I remembered how it got so dark so fast, and, Noah tying the boat up to the dock as it began to rain on us. I closed my eyes. Why couldn’t I remember the rest of the night? I thought really hard, trying to decipher the events in my head, but all I could retain were glimpses. I could feel the rain pouring down on my face as I looked up to the sky. And then I recalled his arm around my waist, guiding me into the cabin. It was so bright when we he turned on the bedroom light. I felt a shiver creep across my stomach. That’s when I noticed my shirt had been removed. I shut my eyes tighter. Did I repress this entire memory? I couldn’t have. My breathing quickened as I felt a hand brush against my leg. Was it my own hand? No. It was Noah’s. And then I felt his lips, kissing my inner thigh. It’s all such a blur as I placed my hands to my cheeks. It becomes heavy. What is it? It’s Noah’s body shifting on top of my own. My hands on his back, fingernails digging into his skin. No, this didn’t happen, I kept telling myself. But as I sit there in Caleb’s truck, I can’t get the image of Noah on top of me out of my head. I can't get the taste of his lips out of my mouth.

I can’t look at Caleb or explain to him what just when through my mind. Instead, I simply muttered his name before trailing off into utter silence. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his head fall and his shoulders slump down. His hand switched the car into drive, and he pulled back onto the road. I knew he didn’t know where he was going, but driving was better than sitting here with nothing to say. Maybe he thought driving would help him on something other than his anger. But it didn’t.

I was embarrassed. How could I have forgotten what had happened that night? How did I forget waking up in the middle of the night clutching his abdomen? How did I forget his fingertips tracing my tattoo as I fell asleep in his arms? That wasn’t out of the ordinary, but how did I not find it strange when I woke up in just a bra and my underwear? God, I felt so stupid. All of the signs were there, reminding me of the sin I had committed, yet I refused to see any of them. I repressed the drunken memory in the back of my mind, and locked it away. What the f**k did I do?

“How did you know?” I asked, looking at him. A tear had rolled down the side of his face, and I began to realize how much I had actually hurt him. I put him through hell and back, and still managed to blame him for leaving me.

He sniffed and cleared his throat. “I saw Noah the day you got back.” He paused and swallowed. “He showed up to my house. Told me all about your weekend. Said he couldn’t imagine you ever put out for me the way you did for him.” He exhaled, loudly. That took a lot out of him, I could tell. “I was enraged,” he whispered. I think he felt that way now too. “I hit him in the nose,” he said. “There was blood everywhere, Charlie. I had no business picking a fight with him. He was twice my size, and after that first hit, he beat me to the ground. Don’t you remember the gash on my face?” He seemed embarrassed. Ashamed almost that he couldn’t even stand up for himself. I felt horrible. I loved him, and I shattered any hope left in our relationship. “I told you I wasn’t lying,” he stated, still staring ahead at the road.

He was right. How could I have done this to him? I messed up. But I was also drunk, and Noah could see that. How could he have done that to me? He took advantage of me. He used me. And I trusted him. What the hell had happened?

“Caleb, I was drunk out of my mind. I didn’t know what was going on. This wasn’t my fault. You’ve got to believe me,” I said, hoping he would forgive me.

“Why should I believe you Charlie?” he shouted. His voice startled me. “God, you don’t get it,” he screamed punching the dashboard. One of the vents on his truck broke, and I could see the blood on his knuckles as he pulled his hand away. I had never seen this side of him before, and I was afraid. Afraid of what he might do.

“I think you should pull over, Caleb,” I said placing my hand on his thigh. He looked down at my hand.

“Don’t you f*****g touch me,” he screamed. I pulled my hand back, and I could feel the truck gaining momentum. His mind wasn’t here. He was somewhere else, and I was frightened.

“Caleb,” I said. “Please pull over.”

His foot still wasn’t off the accelerator. His eyes were looking straight ahead, but he wasn’t seeing anything. He had already entered his mind. I saw the stop sign quickly approaching us and my heartbeat increased. “Caleb, stop the car.” I was screaming at this point, and he still couldn’t hear me. It’s like his mind had escaped his body and nothing but monotony had taken its place. My hands were shaking, but his were steady, gripping the steering wheel. Knuckles completely white. Blood still on his fist from punching the dashboard. My eyes opened wide as I squeezed the seat, digging my nails in. I tried screaming his name, but no sound was escaping my lips. I closed my eyes and gripped as hard as I could.

 

…

 

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the white ceiling. Was I laying in the guest room of Caleb’s house? Had it all been a nightmare? No. I looked down at my arm, seeing a needle jammed in my vein and the IV hooked up to the monitor beeping next to me. I turned my arm over examining my wrist and the different bandage that covered the wound. What was going on? Where was I?

“Charlie, you awake?”

I could recognize that voice anywhere. I followed the voice to my right seeing him sitting in a chair beside my bedside. He looked like death. Eyes bloodshot with dark circles surrounding them. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Noah, what’s going on?” I asked, attempting to sit up.

“No, don’t,” he said, placing his arm over mine, trying to get me to lay back down. “You need to rest,” he stated.

I stared into space trying to remember what happened. The last thing I remember is being in the car with Caleb.

“You’re in the hospital. You’ve been in a car accident,” he stated catching my eyes.

“What?” I asked. What was going on? Was he telling the truth? “Noah, where’s Caleb?”

His eyes shifted to the floor, and I expected the worst. “He’s in surgery right now,” he said softly. I shut my eyes.

“Is he going to be okay?”

“I’m not sure,” he stated grabbing my hand. Our fingers interlocked and I instantly remembered his hand from the beach. I thought of the kiss. How wonderful his lips felt against mine. And in the midst of our great memories, I thought of the night at the cabin. How he took advantage of me while I was drunk. How could he do that to me? And suddenly I despised his touch. I pulled away as quickly as I could and closed my eyes.

“Charlie"”

“Just go,” I said. I couldn’t stand him being in this room with me. I had trusted him and he broke my trust.

“But"”

“Go,” I shouted. I opened my eyes to watch him leave sullenly. I was left to a room of silence only to be periodically interrupted by the beating of the monitor next to me. The only thought running through my head was Caleb. God, I hope he was going to be alright.

Reviews

[Lorry]

Your characters confusion and of feeling overwhelmed here at the beginning of this chapter is so believable. Already you get a sense of the thousand thoughts rushing through her mind, all vying to be heard and the dizzying effect such a shock can have. All the what's why's and fors, too many to take notice of at once, flooding through her mind in the most adrenaline filled shock of her young life. Superbly captured.
Wow, how quickly life changes once the truth is known. Now knowing Caleb's frustration and anger, I sympathise with him and admire him for holding it all in as long as he had. Hearing it from his viewpoint, the excuse is actually as bad as the knowing, and I see a dangerous new path opening in his mind. Let's hope rational Caleb returns before I read on....
And the the realisation of the situation hits. Caleb isn't okay and that can only mean one thing for Charlotte, more thoughts raging through an already confused and overloaded head, trying her best to deal with life, and finding life doesn't much care for our predicaments at times.
This really is cranking up through the gears now. If it keeps going at this rate I fully expect my mind to explode around chapter ten :)
Great work, superb.

[Sarah]

Thank you for the review! Hope my story continues to keep you entertained!

[Lorry]

I know it shall :)

[Rebecca]

This chapter was shattering. i was rooting for Caleb to help Charlie become Christian, and that this was a "coming-to-God" type memoir. I'm intrigued to read more of her dark thoughts and hoping for some light.

[Christopher Miller]

I had a bit of a sympathetic cringe when Caleb's mom asked to see the letter, all because you added the word 'expectantly'. Having her smell and then ask for coffee is just good writing. It's amazing how those things just happen when you go into your story.
I do wonder what the hospital staff will say about the cuts on her wrist.

[Sarah]

Thank you for the review! I try to incorporate subtle details and most of my readers have clung to them. I appreciate that. Hope you're enjoying the story!

[Mifa]

I have virtually no words to say. This is going so well, I have to tell you I feel like you made the first chapter feel not so good on purpose. I am really beginning to go on this journey with your characters and it's amazing.

I hope you also noticed how much smoother the narrative flows without all the encumberances of unnecessary exposition. Point is, if there's need for any exposition, it should be brief and must directly relate to what is happening at that moment in the story.

Again, a great read. I move on to the next chapter now. Good one Sarah. Good one.

[Sarah]

Like I said, the first chapter was just a general layout basically. It contained all of the pieces if you read closely, but they were hidden in this sort of puzzle. Throughout the chapters, I had worked to expand on what I initially wrote to create an unforgettable plot. Keep on reading!

[Mifa]

Yeah, that fact is now evident. But I am wont to believe that the best puzzles are often the most obvious ones. The ones that hit us right in the middle of a dialogue or an action. It doesn't have to be laid out for us to know. That beats the whole point of the story telling. In my honest opinion, you could have well, skipped the whole background and you'd still find that readers are somehow able to get a hint of what is going on. Good one though.