Suffering

I am incapable of hating you
and yet,
that maybe the only way to save myself
The kind words you speak
used to make my heart continue beating
they used to give me the will to live
but now,
they cut deeper than even those of my worst enemies
Oh how I miss those days
when all was right with the world
when my heart didn't ache
when I didn't have to continuously remind myself
You're spoken for

I called you first
how is any  of this fair?
If you're gonna rip my heart out
why can't you just tear it out all at once?
instead of taking it piece by piece
and making me deal with the agony of slowly losing you 
to the one person I'd never dream of fighting.