Goodbye

I decide to break the news to Jude the next morning not wanting to send him a text about me leaving. He pulls in the driveway at exactly seven thirty like he does every morning I think to myself.A iceball develops in my stomach as I realize that maybe I did have genuine feelings for Jude, even if I was not head over heels for him a little piece of me did love him. “Hey babe,” I say and give him a small smile. His once bright eyes now become overcast, “What’s wrong Vi?” he asks as I get into his car. “Nothing love,” I say putting my poker face on, not wanting to ruin the beginning of the day for him.He then puts the car in reverse shrugging it off and were headed to school like it is just another day.Even though I know this will be the day that I break his heart.

I go through school in a blur, only talking when talked to and keeping my head down. Last period of the day Art, this will be the hardest goodbye for me. I have known this room for three years and it has become my haven. It is where I found that my style is whatever I want it to be and that I can make anything become art. This is where I learned to develop photos, where I found that I could paint on a canvas and it not look like a third grader did it. This room is what made me who I am now. I pack all of my art things quickly, thankful that we have a substitute today instead of Madam Chloe. Madam Chloe was the best art teacher and she taught me so much that I could never repay her. I decide that her absence is all for the best.

The bell finally rings, I heeve my art bag onto my shoulder and bolt out of the classroom as soon as possible. I beat Jude to his car and I just wait, I see him coming from the field house talking to a girl I’ve never seen before. “Someone to comfort him when I’m gone,” I think to myself, “Hey, why do you have all of your stuff?” Jude says as he makes it to his car and unlocks it. “I just need it for the weekend,” I tell him. We get in and he kisses me, then he starts up the car. As he’s pulling out of the parking lot i think of all the ways I can break to him that I am being sent away. Each scenario ends the same; Jude crying and me leaving Saturday to never return. Jude looks at me and grins, I put on a small smile and direct him to our special place.

***********

I’m in his arms at the field and he’s twisting my hair around his fingers like I am not hiding  the fact that I'm being sent away.”Juju we have to talk,” I say, sitting up straight and looking at him. Jude’s whole body shifts into “Shutdown” mode as I call it. His body caves in on itself and his usual confidence is squashed under that single phrase. “What is it Vi?” “Well you don’t know about my condition because I have never thought it important until now.But you know all those times I was going to the studio to paint? Well I was really going to see a number of therapist because I am addicted to sex.” He sits there and his eyes become clouded with anger,”You lied to me?””And you're addicted to sex?””Really?” “You expect me to believe that you're addicted to sex?”

“Yes Jude, and let me explain and tell you the truth, you are the twenty fifth man I have slept with.I started having sex when I was twelve, my first was Colin Mcknight you know Jake’s friend.” “Colin really? But he’s over at your house all the time with your brother, hang on does that mean you two are still doing it on the side when I’m not around? Jude says slowly. “No. Not at all I’m with you and in love with you and all the others did not mean a thing. This addiction that I have consumes me and that’s why I’m always all over you. Besides I haven’t heard you complain about our sex.”I look at him and he isn’t even making eye contact with me, “Look at me,” I say “I’m being sent away to a boarding school in Brooks, it's three hours away.” “O babe how can your parents do this to you!?” Jude exclaims, he then grabs me and holds me close.

I look at him and bring my lips slowly up to his, when I pull away I taste the saltiness of tears and if they are his or mine I can not tell. He then clasps my head between his hands and kisses me slowly, more passionately, I moan into his lips. Then I move my hands down into his waistband, feel him harden beneath my touch, I think to myself “one last time before I leave.””O Vi, I love you so much,” he says; I’m thrusting myself into him. Leaving no room for space, my skin is his skin and his skin is mine.Together we are one; slick and smelling of sex.

“You leave Saturday?” Jude says later as we’re driving home.”That’s only one more day and we have school.” “I know love, I’m sorry.If it was up to me I wouldn’t be going anywhere.Are we gonna break up?” I say.”Are you crazy Violet!?” “This will make us stronger we can text and video chat every night and on the weekends I will come and visit you. I promise this is not the end, there will never be an end for us.” Jude says softly, by now we’re outside my house. I kiss him and tell him I’ll see him tomorrow; bright and early, as he pulls away I see tears in his eyes.