Monster

Everyone has a monster inside them, some guilty pleasure that they cannot abandon. Some people think that they can  stop their ever increasing thirst for their pleasure but they can not. The monster no matter how strong you are takes ahold of you and devours who you are.People can and will fight it but others with be overrun by it always looking for their next fix.”My name is Violet, I am seventeen years old and I am addicted to sex.:”That’s always how I start my introductions when I am meeting a new therapist.I live in Florence, Oregon. Population eight thousand four hundred and sixty six people, everyone there is about as exciting as the tourist that corrode our town during the tourist season.

I knew I was first addicted to sex when I was twelve laying underneath the stars as Colin my older brother’s friend thrust into me and kept calling me “Baby.” You would think who would want to remember that? But to me that’s what gave me my spark. It was my first real taste of that burning desire to be connected to another human being in a way that you can only be when you are both stripped bear of your clothes and dignity.That was where it all started and I am far from being done. You may be thinking what about true love and finding someone to be with for the rest of your life? Well all that I can say is that have you ever loved somebody so much that you are willing to wait for them through everything?

The guy I am talking about is named Amos and we would talk everyday about anything and everything. We would date other people and we never went more than friends but I am still waiting for him.The catch is we have never met and we have known each other and have talked for five years. We are past saying “I love you,” and trying to be together. I am determined that we are soul mates.

:”Vi are you comin?” Jude my boyfriend says to me as we are walking out of Mr.Vanderbilt's class.

“Yea babe just let me go to my locker quick,” I run down the hallway so we won’t make eye contact. Jude may not appear to be the most observant person in the world but he can always tell when I’ve been thinking about Amos. An really I should be happy with Jude there’s not much not to like he’s tall, blonde, muscular, charismatic, and has eyes as blue as the ocean but in my mind he will never measure up to Amos.Jude has only known me for seven months and already he acts like he’s known me as long as Amos has. Amos is the exact opposite of Jude, he is tanned, tall, friendly but not many people are drawn to him and has brown eyes like melted chocolate. Amos however will always have the upper hand having known me for five years and helping me through my adolescent years and me helping him with his we’ve been each others rocks.

I walk outside and meet Jude at his car, he’s looking at me with that bright eyed look I’ve come to cringe away from. This look is only a warning sign to me, the sign that the boy in front of me is in way too deep in our relationship than I ever will be. I smile and get in kissing him lightly on the lips so I keep him wanting more. “So my house or yours?” He asks as we pull away from the curb.”Surprise me,” I say. Jude continues down the road and I lean my head back to watch the sky fly past before my eyes.”Violet I need to know that you're in this no matter what,” he says. “Juju you know I am,” I say as I rub the back of his neck just the way he likes.But deep in my heart I see Amos and all of our feelings flying around in cyberspace to get to each other.

We pull up to the big open field that I have come to know as our own special place in the world away from everybody. He gets out and puts the old blue comforter down in our spot, then he comes and takes me in his arms.”I love you Violet,” he whispers as he trails kisses down my neck making me forget about Amos and everything but his lips.”I love you too Jude,” I say breathless. I move my hands to his belt and quickly feel the ever increasing arousal of him, hardening under my very touch.He then moves his hands up the hem of my shirt letting his warmth resonate on my skin, me being me waste no time taking his belt off and undoing his pants waiting for him to plunge into me.

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Later that night my parents come into my room and I just look at them like where did the time go? My mother Anya Prece thirty eight and currently Oregon State’s top Psychology Professor has gone gray and has laugh lines around her mouth. My father David Prece big shot construction company owner has a head full of salt and pepper and his once lean body is now more of a pouch than lean and fit. I look like my parents but not one distinctly, I have my mother's dark Native American skin, my father's height, and clear blue eyes. “ Violet, we have some things we want to talk to you about,” my mother starts and I see by her eye set that she is serious. “Your grades are less than great and you have been through more therapist that I have your past five requesting more money because of what you put them through.” My father says, “ Dad it’s not my fault that my past therapist have never had a patient like me with my condition,” I see my mother cringe out of the corner of my eye.

She refuses to accept that her only daughter is addicted to sex, having been raised in the Christian home she can not believe that her daughter is a harlot.They found me and Colin a month into our relationship doing it on the kitchen table when my brother had went to pick up pizza and from then on I have had a “condition.”Needless to say they were right. In a way.  I am addicted  and they can n0t deal with it. Since then I have been taken to therapist and psychologist to try and help me through my “condition,” or so they refer to it.”Do not talk about it like you are proud of yourself,” my father spats.”What your father means to say is that we are sending you away for a while to be away from boys.” My mother interjects, “What!””You can’t do this, Jude and I are in love mom, you know like Mary and Joseph.””It really is not that bad you're going to a boarding school about three hours from here in Brooks.” My father says, and I’m thinking this is suppose to make me feel better,that I will still be in the same state as Jude?They leave and I feel almost a weight being lifted off my shoulders. On one hand I am leaving Jude and the sex was just starting to get good but on the other maybe I will meet some new people and get a few new boys.