True

My emotional experience, of the moment I let go of my childhood friend... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=018aDXtUSM4 - The song

I was sitting in Lori's room, crossed legged on her bed, my laptop blared Daughters "In the Shallows," full blast.  The soft acoustic guitar sounded pretty and sad to my ears.  Lori sat in front of me, bent over her knees, holding her feet.  At this time we were silent, a moments reprieve from the wild and in-depth conversation we just had. 

Now, I thought, not later.  

"Oh," I said, rising from the bed and scanning the floor for my purse.  It was time.  "I still haven't given you your gift."

"Owh," Lori gushed.  I spotted my purse on the carpet and brought it over, reseating myself beside her.  

Explain first, my mind reminded me.  My heart began beating in a moderately faster tempo.

"So there's a bit of a story to this," I told her.  Her blue eyes gazed questionably at me. 

"Okay," she said, anticipation in her voice.  I heaved a sigh and continued. 

"This was originally for someone else." I delved into the purse and searched for the little triangular box that seemed to be buried.  

"But now I can't give it to them," I went on.  My eyes fell.  Lori knew.  

"Jodi?" she asked.

There was no point in lying.  I really hated second-handing gifts, especially a gift like this: a gift that before held such meaning.  

"Yeah," I answered.  My heart rate continued to rise as my tongue sought for the words my mind had prepared for it a hundred times over.  What came out was completely different.

"You were the only one who seemed to fit for this, I mean, I couldn't give it to Katie, or Molly, or Jordan.  Molly suggested I keep it for myself, but I can't.  I wanted to give it to someone who it would mean something to."

I was talking too much; Lori sat waiting patiently.  

"Now close your eyes." I ordered. Lori shut her eyes, her hands folded neatly in her criss-crossed legs.  I pulled from my purse the triangular Pandora box and placed it in her lap with the label facing away from her.  On cue her hands folded around the box and she opened her eyes.  I expected her to recognize the little Pandora sticker that held the box shut but instead there was a sincere look of puzzlement in her eyes. She fumbled with the box before finally sliding the cardboard open and tipped it sideways towards her hand.  Out fell a ball of wrapping paper.  She removed it delicately, her eyes widening as the Pandora bracelet bearing a single charm was revealed.  Lori gasped.  

"Oh my god, its beautiful!" she breathed.  She looked up at me.  I held my breath.    

"I was afraid you wouldn't like it," I admitted.  "I didn't think silver was your thing."

Lori shook her head.  "I love it, I've wanted one ever since Kristian got Jordan hers." 

"Really?" I asked, smiling.  Lori nodded.  Relief washed through me. 

  "I'm glad."  The smile on my face widened. 

Lori ogled at the bracelet, admiring it's beauty, taking it in. 

"I actually haven't opened it since I bought it at Christmas," I found myself telling her.  She glanced up at me before I continued.  "I wanted it to be sealed so that when I gave it to Jodi it would seem more authentic.  I don't even remember what the charm looks like."  Lori stayed silent.

I reached out my hand.  "Here, can I see it for a second?"

"Yes of course," Lori said, handing it over.  

The little charm gleamed in my hand.  It was a woven ball of silver; it's thread like weave intertwining and stitching itself together.  At the sight of it, I remembered. The memory of the day I bought it hit me, and so did the meaning: the reason as to why I chose that symbol to represent Jodi and I's friendship.

If you leave,

When I go...

You'll find me,

in the shallows

   My chin was trembling.  Lori watched anxiously.  I bit my lip to hold it in place, but the tears were rising rapidly, and spilled over before I could help it.  

"What is it?" Lori asked tentatively.

I didn't respond and for a few moments I felt as though I couldn't speak.  I stared down at the charm bracelet.  

"I just remember," I croaked.  The sound of my voice repulsed me so I cleared my throat.  By this time the tears were streaming down my face.

"I just remember," I repeated, clearer now. "what went through my head the day I bought this.  I remember thinking the weave was the perfect symbol for our friendship, because Jodi and I would always be knitted into each others lives.  We would always be together.  At least until last week, right?"  I laughed sourly.  Lori gave me a sad look.  

When the time comes,
on the last day...
when they start to come down,
will you just,

run away?

"You can keep it for her," Lori said slowly, "for when she comes around."

"No," I said sharply, the smack of anger in my voice. "Because if she ever does come back, she doesn't deserve this."

I paused, giving the bracelet a last look.  

"You do," I sniffed, handing it to her.  Lori took it from me. 

I laughed pathetically through my tears, and wiped them away.  

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get so emotional," I apologized, smiling as prettily as I could.  My breath was still broken and I desperately tried to regain my composure.  

"Its okay," Lori said, her face sympathetic and caring.  She opened her arms and beckoned for me.  I leaned forward and fell into her arms, holding her close and sucked in a heavy breath.  I moulded my face against her shoulder, and she squeezed me tight. 

"She doesn't deserve you," Lori said into my ear.  Through my hiccoughed sobs I laughed in agreement.  At that moment I couldn't have loved Lori more. She was a true friend, there for me, ready to comfort, listen and help whenever she could.  She was gracious enough to turn down the bracelet when she saw my tears, wise enough to understand why I was upset; and human enough to hold me close until I was okay again. Because of her I realized who my true friends were.  I smiled at the thought, happy to know for sure that this was where I was meant to be.  And the bracelet had always, in fact, been meant for this person.  

Cause if you leave,

When I go...
You'll find me,
in the shallows. 

Lying on my back,
Lying on my back,
watching stars collide.

Author's Note

Just wrote this, I haven't had time to look it over. Please let me know what you think. This actually happened. True story.

Reviews

[EurasianFlavour]

Lori sounds like a great friend, and I can tell from this piece you are truly happy to have her in your life. I can understand how hard it is to lose a childhood friend, and I thought the symbolism of the passing of the charm bracelet was very fitting. And I think the inclusion of the song lyrics (I think those are song lyrics...Im not familiar with the song) within the piece was a very nice touch.

I know it's just a first draft, but I noticed a couple of grammar/spelling errors upon first read and have made a note of it here:

"My heart began beating to a moderately faster tempo." "in a moderately faster tempo"
"Her blue eyes gazed questionably at me." Questionable is the wrong word, I think you want "questioning".
"On que" On cue
"I was talking to much" too much

I also noticed that sometimes your sentence structure and word choices are a little disconnected. For examples:

"My heart rate continued to rise as my tongue sought for the words my mind had prepared for it a hundred times over." This sentence doesn't flow well. It took me a couple reads to understand it. Maybe simplify it? "My heart beat steadily increased as my tongue became tangled in the words I had prepared to say"

"I wanted to give it to someone who it would mean something to" Again, strangely put, although I can understand the meaning. "I wanted to give it to someone who would appreciate the meaning behind it"

Otherwise, I think you did an excellent job expressing emotion, and I really connected with your piece.

[Sarah]

I made some changes though I am still pondering on how to change the last two. And yah she is! Thank you for the awesome thorough review. It means a lot, I'm flattered! :)
With love
Sarah

[Dana Busby]

You capture the sting of rejection really well. I think most of us have experienced something like this, or will some day. These experiences help us grow, but they sure are painful.

[CreativeStroke]

Your emotions were clearly portrayed in this piece. I like the little bit of poetry you included at the very end. It added a nice touch to your overall story.
You have a great talent here and I hope you continue with your craft!

[Sarah]

Thank you! I really appreciate the good review :)
Sarah

[easybreezy]

This is a very nice story and very well written. You captured the emotion beautifully.

[Sarah]

Aw thanks, I just wrote what I felt.

[Julia Mancini]

I really liked this :-) The bit at the end was really nice :-)

[Sarah]

Thank you, I'm glad my experience is doted upon