A Victim of My Thoughts

self-awarness

Have you ever think of yourself as a victim? whether it was of circumstances, lifestyle, or situations?

i was thinking today and i realized that ive always thought of myself as the victim. My father is not the kind of men that show any emotions, especially to his family and ive always thought that he actually hated me. ive always felt this hate from the way he looks at me and i actually went to a therapist to talk about that issue. It started like 10 years ago we had an argument and of course the emotionless dad said many horrible things to his little daughter. and of course he was wrong to deal with it in that certain way but ever since that day i stopped seeing him as a father. he was like a monster that lives across the hall. Just carrying that for almost 10 years was so hard, because each argument we have i always go back and start counting the reasons why i hate him.. 

but now.. 

it just occurs me that i kinda loved being the victim and feeling sorry for myself. We all do that sometimes, even without feeling it. People sometimes like to appear as the victims of their lives. 

but im not anymore. i realized that my father is just a man who doesnt know how to show his love in the right way. and im not feeling sorry for myself anymore. Because i kinda got myself to used to being or feeling a victim...

but im not anymore.. i was just a victim of my thoughts...