Jump or fall : a fight in my head

I wrote this after weeks of feeling low, I woke up and felt such a conflict in my head and these words came. I don't know if it will make any sense when read by someone else.

This is the end.
No, Sarah it isn't.

I stand on the edge
Waiting to drop
But I made a pledge
To make myself stop

Keep to the pledge
Sarah my dear
Away from the edge
For I am here

Just let me go
It is better that way
Let the tears flow
If I am to stay

This isn't the end
Hold onto my hand
Do not pretend
belong in this land

Your counsel is strong
For me to remain
But it's gone on too long
I'm the one in pain

I acknowledge your pain
And I feel your grief
Tears fall like rain
And challenge my belief

I know you cannot
Take my pain away
But I've had my lot
I can't face it today

I witness your pain
I console your grief
Again and again
I pray for relief

Do not give up
Do not give in
Hold yourself up
Healing can begin

When you hear
The voice in your head
I will be here
I don't wish you dead

Nothing feels right
With this darkness inside
Life is so far out of sight
And all I can do is hide

If I could go back now
To that young me
I'd say don't make the vow
Or you'll never be free

Each time I speak
The pain gets worse
It is healing I seek
Yet I'm stuck in a curse

Jump or fall
The result is the same
The end of it all
And I'm out of the pain

Let me take your place
Would you say the same
Look me in the face
And tell me I'm to blame

You don't understand
These feelings inside
I have it planned
And I've already died

Jump or fall
Poison or blade
Hard to recall
The choice I made

Take a deep breath
Please don't give in
Choose not death
It is the ultimate sin

Then help me please
I'm at the end of trying
Help me release
stop thoughts of dying

I'm stuck in this place
And I feel so alone
I had a safe space
But now it is gone

What do I do?
When I can't speak
When help is few
And my heart is weak

Speak of your story
Release your pain
No need to be sorry
She will listen again

Trust in the process
And don't be scared
Let her be a witness
For she is prepared

I don't want to hurt
Or cause any pain
Where do I start
Can I do this again?

Author's Note

This is my first post. I don't think I have any skill and I'm certainly not sure if what I've written would make any sense to anyone else but this felt powerful and I thought I'd share it and be brave and ask for feedback. Also, part of me wonders if by sharing I can help others who may feel similar feelings.

Reviews

[Darian B.]

You are skilled and your poetry makes sense, however it seems like you are new to writing poetry because you stick to the classic ABAB rhyme scheme. If you check out my first posts on this site, you will see I was the same way. I relied simply on rhyme schemes and honestly, I didn't like doing anything else. There is nothing wrong with rhyming poetry but experimenting with other forms of poetry can strengthen your writing and allow you to convey your message in your own unique way. I would recommend getting in contact with William Liston. He greatly helped me with my writing and if you want, he can help you too. Your pretty is good though! I really did enjoy reading both of your posts

[Sarah Saz]

Thank you, yes I am very new to writing poetry and have only previously shared what I've written with a couple of people, they'be not given me feedback and I've often wondered if I've been understood or if perhaps the content is too bleak? I'm not sure but I do find that writing helps, it would be helpful to be better at it so that I feel I am able to convey how I feel and release it from inside. I would love to help others too - that may feel the same way as I feel the lonliness and isolation of the intense feelings makes them less bearable. We all need a release and indeed to be heard. Thanks for the constructive feedback and contact for help.

[William Liston]

If I may put in my two cents (I feel welcomed to do so), I must say that the primary mistake of most beginner poets is that they focus too much on the rhyme and not enough on other aspects of poetry such as imagery, figurative language...etc. This is why I think beginner poets should start out with free verse so they are not limited to a particular rhyme scheme, and then once the other skills start to develop, it will be easier to make rhyming poetry that actually strikes the heart. I hope to discuss this topic further with you, Sarah (or perhaps you too, Darian, if you wish), in other reviews or via messaging.

[Sarah Saz]

Thank you, that would be helpful. I'm not sure how to get to the part of my brain where the imagery and figurative language are. I feel like I have a simple mind but all this pain and energy inside that needs expressing somehow.

[William Liston]

Just read and keep writing, Sarah. I see a lot of potential in you, and I hope to leave some reviews on your work sometime today. I've read all you poem so far.

[Sarah Saz]

Thank you William, it is appreciated.