(NO SuBject)

damn damn damn
said the angry man
staring down on the ground
"why everybody's so loud?
why there are lots of crowd?"

pam pam pam
being alone on his own
he felt on the ground
" why Am I so jerk and alone?
why I don't have even a pound?"

Ugh ugh Ugh
nobody looked even at down
mysterious voices around
"why people are looking around?
why there's no hand to help me stand?"

rush rush rush
afraid of heading up
the sounds coming to mind
"they're surrounding you
you have to run"

Gosh Gosh Gosh
he still is so damn alone
people are still abound
" no way to run
just hold me down"

hu hu hu
he's fallen in a vale
full of feeling frustrate
mysterious voices going aloud
" just be yourself
you're not a clown"

Reviews

[hdc]

Sounds like the voices in my head sometimes :)..
I like it.

[Tom]

Interesting flowing thoughts, like the imagination and free style thinking in this poem as if you say what you see !

Cognitively penned with bags of life's observational idiosyncrasies !

[Sarah King]

Thank you Tom for your nice comment. I hope you enjoy it.

[Krizito]

A bit of grammatical complications in the dialogues, but since our character is an angry man...I'm guessing its on purpose. Ths has sublime emotion written into it...tells quite a story - though a bit vague - nice work Miss. King ;)

[Sarah King]

Thanks alot for your kind attention and ur helpful and cool comment;)

[E G TEN]

Hello Sarah, I love the use of onomatopoeia 'ish words in this piece. It's spontaneously
Entertaining but still delivers a serious point. Nicely done and very cool.
Thanks EG.

[Sarah King]

Thank you EG! You always inspire me to do my best

[Firemay]

This is very well written evenh though i'm not used to it! It is very emotinal and i love it and i believe that alot of people can relate to it. Well done!!!!!

[Sarah King]

Thank you dearest. I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

[Asante]

This piece speaks in tones of anxiety and loneliness. Something a lot of us can relate to on differing levels. Thank you for posting this. :)

[Sarah King]

thanks for your comment!

[CiNtsaLis]

This is cute actually. One of the most unique(est) piece I've ever read; because everything on writerscafe is so real and depressing; this has life in it; much as everyone else's writing does as well; although- this is different; full ratings.

[Sarah King]

Well thank you for your kind comment. I hope you really enjoyed it.

[Coyote Poetry]

Nice flow of thoughts led to good ending. You create vision of insanity and words to create calmness. Thank you Sarah for sharing the interesting poetry.
Coyote

[Sarah King]

Thanks Coyote :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Sarah King]

please help me to find a subject for it. I just wrote down what came to my mind....................