You were

When I was down on my knees
When I had nothing to release
there you were with me.

when I was up the hills
when I was coolest of the chicks
there you were with me.

when I was sank and freeze
when I was hurt on the kneels
 there you were with me..

and it's all in my dreams
with you  hell, haven is
And I'm happy that,
 there you were with me.

Reviews

[Willard Wells]

Concept and idea are very nice, but there are structure and flow issues. I have re-done the piece just to give you some ideas and I know I did not give you much time to review it after publishing. Keep up the writing and I hope you do not mind my suggestions. Even with the change I made, I did very little with the third stanza as I was not sure of all the words.

"When I was down on my knees
When I had nothing to release
there you were with me.

when I was up the hills
when I was coolest of the chicks
there you were with me.

when I was sank and freeze
when I was hurt on the kneels
there you were with me..

and it's all in my dreams
with you is it hell or heaven
And I'm happy that,
there you were with me."

[Sarah King]

oh my God! thank you so much for your kind review and help. I bet you are right. I my self like the new structure the best. But about the last stanza I prefer to have my own one. thanks again for your help. :)

[Willard Wells]

In the end every piece is your own and suggestion should be taken as you find them logical and helpful. You are always the final judge of your work.

[Sarah King]

thank you sir. I believe you helped me to make my poem much better, your comments are always well come. :)

[hdc]

With respect to Mr. Wells, I disagree. I think that focusing to much on structure and form is the fastest way to stifle creativity. Your art is your own, Picasso didn't exactly paint in the lines. :)

[Sarah King]

you are right but I needed those reviews too. thank you friend

[??????]

That was very great poem on the reflection of one being there in a time of all:)

[Sarah King]

thanks :)

[??????]

Your very welcome:)

[Firemay]

lovely just lovely!
Well done

[Firemay]

lovely just lovely!
Well done

[Sarah King]

thank you dear

[andrew mitchell]

A great write having that support through good and hard times and ain't Willard a gem helping out! He never helps me you are so lucky!;)

[Sarah King]

thank you. I hope you find such supporter,too :)

[hdc]

I enjoyed reading this, Thanks.:) I think most people can relate to having that one anchor of a person who is always there for you. Good job.:)

[Sarah King]

Thank you Sir, for your kind support and review.

[ochechi]

In my lonely moment
There you with me
I'm the dark you my light
You confort me in sorrowful times

[Sarah King]

thank you for continuing my poem with such a beautiful part.

[Gaurav]

There is an era of thoughts and feelings that goes into making a poem/story. Your poem is a venture into those beautiful thoughts that makes a person 'human'. It is a feeling of love. Thankyou for sharing.

[Sarah King]

thank you so much for your nice and supportive comment. :)

[Deanna M.]

I really enjoyed this poem so much!! I felt like I could understand everything that you wrote, and it's so heartfelt. There that person was with you through everything. An amazing and well written poem!!

[Sarah King]

Thank you so much dear :)

[zunie frost]

the idea is really nice !!! flow was really smooth it just kept me reading !!!!
When I was down on my knees
When I had nothing to release
there you were with me.
starting is really great
thanks for sharing such a good work

[Sarah King]

Thank you dear. I'm happy that u liked it.

[zunie frost]

Welcome dear friend !

[zunie frost]

Welcome dear friend !

[Krizito]

And when I ached for a morning boost, there you came with this...great idea, nice flow, cool rhythm...I likey..