Always, Only, Love (In memory of a dear friend)

A story about friendship, love, los.

Always, only Love”
A tribute to my dear friend, “Old man,” “Grandpa” David Goodnow
By: Sarah Tutun

Sunday morning- 9 am.-the telephone rang. Rubbing her eyes to wipe the sleep away a smile curled her lips as she recognized the name on the other end of the line. [cell phones- the new age way of communication, (ya couldn’t beat it ya know.)
She didn’t know if she should be feeling the way that she was feeling, but hearing from him always made her a little bit excited, she liked knowing that somebody cared. She liked feeling like she mattered. She knew that they were good friends, she knew that they were good people, she knew that they were appreciated....She stopped herself from getting lost in that train of thought as she registered the degree of concern in his voice.

Her smile turned to an expression of fear as Jeremy began speaking. Her stomach tensed with dread as she asked the question that she never wanted to ask. “Is this...The...is this... that call? She ventured, sounding so much more confident than she felt. With a slight pause and tearful hesitation in his voice- Jeremy simply said,”Yes,”, nothing more, nothing less, only yes. The one word that she had never wanted to hear. The one word that said it all. She didn't say anything, there was nothing that she could say. She closed her eyes as she felt her heart sink. She sucked in her breath and forced a smile to her face, (She remembered being told that it is possible to hear smiles or to sense it when the other person talked, something silly like that she remembered from health class in 7th grade. Or was it 9th? It didn't really matter; she forced herself to smile again...

“OK... “ She sniffed back tears and tried to gather her head. “It...we...I..you...he...” She stumbled over her words trying unsuccessfully to find the right thing to say.
“I know,” he said calmly. “I know,” he said again. “”We were his best friends. We did all that we could. He knew that he was loved. He knew that we were there..If we-.”
For a moment there was not anything left to say. For a moment there was only sniffing and breathing for a moment there was only silence. She heard the pain in his voice as he forced himself to take control. She heard the sadness in her own voice as she mumbled something about understanding, being there, and knowing him. Even though it was only a phone call the weight of the message weighed heavy on their hearts. They did not need to say that, they each knew. They had watched their friend suffer, they had been the two rocks by his side. You couldn’t go through something that intense and not develop a deep appreciation for the other person. David understood that, David understood. David had been their friend, David had been their friend, David understood.

---Beth remembered the time that she had first met David. Beth had been trying to find something to do in her spare time when she wasn't busy studying at school. Beth had always enjoyed helping people and had made a point of finding various social service agencies to volunteer at. One day she stumbled upon an ad seeking volunteers at a local homeless food bank/shelter. The ad claimed to be looking for people to offer assistance to those In need, be it through offering food, medical attention, clothing, or other goods. Beth decided to call the agency that afternoon to find out more about what they were all about.

At around three pm. After Sociology of The Family Beth dialed the number for the Survival Center on her cell phone. “Hello, this is the Survival Center I mean uh this is David I mean uh, Hi How are you, uh This is-” The voice stopped talking and Beth rolled her eyes to herself, hoping that this wasn’t going to be a waste.

?Hello, you have reached the survival center of Amherst, how may I help you?” Came a friendly female voice next. “My name is Tracey and am the volunteer coordinator, if you are interested in volunteering I would like to ask you to please come in so that you can start to fill out the required paperwork...” Beth nodded to herself as she quickly said Yes, she would be right there, and then quickly hung up the phone.

As Beth walked in the Survival center she smiled to see an elderly gentleman sitting at the front desk with a big goofy hat on his head and a glowing smile on his lips. “Welcome to the survival center!” He shouted proudly. “My name is David! But everyone calls me grandpa, and for a pretty young thing like you, well, it's whatever you CHOOSE!” Beth smiled politely and continued walking inside. Turning to the left she saw a sign labeled Tracy Smith Volunteer Coordinator. And thinking that that must be correct Beth quickly knocked on the door.

Beth was greeted by a very large, vibrantly dressed woman. “HI,” boomed her voice as she outstretched her hand. “My name is Tracey Smith and I am the volunteer director!!!! I have been working here for the past 3 years and I can assure you that the volunteers are the backbone of this institution. Without our volunteers, and people like, you? I hope....This place would not be able to keep running. So, what is your name? When can you start? What would you like to do? Did you have the great opportunity of meeting David? David is Grandpa, David is our David our friend, he's like our grandpa....”
Beth took a step back away from the sudden fury of enthusiasm which was greeting her. “I'd like to volunteer here, yes” She said softly. “I an do whatever you need me to...
“Great!” Tracey cut her off in a hurry. “I have been looking for a college student to sit with and work with David for about a year now. David is a neat man, he just needs a little direction at times. I have been looking for a college student to devote some of their time to working with David, you could think of it as your job, you could maybe do it to earn college credit....Would you be interested in being David's buddy David's assistant?”

Beth stared at Tracey for a moment then softly nodded. “Sure,” She said calmly, “Sure I would like that” “Great,” Tracey said, “You can start tomorrow!”

When Beth entered the Survival Center the following day she was greeted by an overweight gray haired man sitting at the front desk by the door. “Hi, um, welcome to the Survival Center, My name is David and I am here to help you! What can I do for you- we have shoes we have shirts we have coffee we have-” David stopped talking when he noticed the stern look being directed at him from across the room. “Hi,” he said again, more softly this time, looking down.

“Hey,” Beth said. “I'm here to help you, what would you like to do first?” The excitement which washed over David's face with those words made Beth's heart melt. “I uh, I don't, uh, know but I sure would like working' with you pretty lady.” David said sweetly as he fidgeted with the buttons on his shirt. “I guess what we do is mark down people and keep track of what's what and who,” He said as he pushed a notepad toward Beth. “That's where you mark stuff down I have trouble with it sometimes....” Beth nodded and took the notebook from David's hands. “I think I can do this,” She said kindly. “I think that I can definitely help you out.”

Beth and David continued “manning the front desk” at the Survival Center for the following two years. Backed with the support of other volunteers and impressed supervisors the two o them thought that they could take on the world (Or at least have fun volunteering together, making people smile.) The day that Beth went to her usual spot at the center and found an empty seat where David had always sat made her wonder. She shook off feelings of concern, reassuring herself that he would be back where he always was, sitting proudly front and center at the greeter's desk in only a matter of day H e probably just has a cod or something, Beth thought silently to herself.

Beth continued going to the Survival Center each day, hoping that the friendly face of her friend would be there. Each day that she went to their soot hopeful she wound up disappointed and wondering where on earth David could be.

Finally, after three weeks of hopeful waiting, Beth's wishes came true. She arrived, as usual, at the Survival Center at 10 am. To her surprise, David's smiling face greeted her. But things had changed. Instead of having his walking cane by his side, he was sitting comfortably in a wheelchair. And there was a man sitting next to him. The man was asking David if he was comfortable, asking David if he would like a glass of water. Beth timidly approached David and Said, “Hi,” very softly. “Hi, Beautiful,: was David's standard reply. “This is my friend, Jeremy” he said, pointing proudly at Beth. “Beth, this is my new buddy Jeremy!! He brings me water- with ICE!!” Beth nodded a polite hello and sat down quietly next to David. She wondered to herself why Jeremy was there, she wondered without saying anything why David was now in a wheelchair, she wondered if he was okay, she didn't want to ask because she was afraid of what the answer might be.

At 5 pm, when it was time to go home, Jeremy stayed behind a little longer, eyes focused on Beth while simultaneously keeping them focused on David as well. The look of compassion and concern on his face touched Beth's heart but initially she did not think anything of it, she just thought that he was a nice guy. “Hey” He said quietly to Beth. “I want to talk to ya when you have a minute.” Beth was nervous but nodded in agreement. She fell into step with Jeremy as they both exited the building. “What's up?” She asked calmly, coolly......

“I know we haven’t really talked, but David has sure talked about you an awful lot,” Jeremy started speaking. “I don’t know how to say this any other way but like this.....David isn't

going to be ale to come back here anymore. Things, that I cant say, have started changing. David has health concerns, I can't tell you what....but he can't be coming here. I wanted to tell you that, first....You are the most important person in his life according to him. If you still want to see him maybe I can help ya out....Or you can get yourself to his house on your own....I still want you to be a part of his life...Beth noted the sounds of concern and compassion in his voice as he spoke.


Beth nodded her head tentatively as she looked steadily at Jeremy. Jeremy noticed her chewing her lower lip as he nodded in silent agreement, wondering to himself if she was OK if he'd be okay...He took a deep breath and stuck out is hand in a friendly motion to indicate to Beth that they should probably go. Before leaving the building they each gave each other a look of commitment., In that moment they made a pact to stay with David until the end. If only they had understood the gravity of what they were committing to if only they had known how drastically life as they knew it was going to change.

The next few months passed in a blur of frantic hospital visits, nursing home visits, and then back to the hospital, emergency room care, again. Beth didn't understand how David had grown so dear to her, but it had to have something to do with the fact that he was just a good man by nature, a pure man by heart...

They had seen David cry, they had made David laugh. They had been his only friends in the end but they went above and beyond to show David that he mattered, they went above and beyond to show David that they cared.
In the end he couldn't talk. In the end he could hardly move. But in the end they were still there and in the end he still knew that they cared. In the end, and all of the time- “it was kindness that mattered. It was love that got him through, it's always love, it's only love.