The Price of Sin

A suicide poem

I wish I had jumped then...
So at least I would’ve-
If I had the courage
To raise a knife
And not a bottle
In the end I forget who I am
I guess that’s the price to pay
-For my sins

Author's Note

Depression and the longing of death. Looking back on suicide attempts, wishing I had that courage to finish it.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Hello dear Saree. One of my favorite quotes from the wonderful book. The picture of Dorian Gray.
"Quote 1. We are punished for our refusals. Every impulse that we strive to strangle broods in the mind, and poisons us. The body sins once, and has done with its sin, for action is a mode of purification. . . . Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful."
The above lines is so good and so honest. I believe. Sin is a part of us. We like to dance on the fire of hell. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Nix is typing...]

Woah... I really like this. This describes how I felt through my entire middle school years.

[LazerRays]

Sorry you felt that way. Thanks for reviewing

[Just Kim]

quite an emotional read here. Something I never went through. I went through a long battle with depression, but never wanted to end my life. Sorry about this.

[The dark Hydra]

...a bowl of chili and a kick in the a*s to jumpstart it

[LazerRays]

Sounds more like a shitting problem

[T.S. Ulmus]

A little too close to home, the jump or the bottle. Yet salvation in neither. I wish I had the courage too.

[LazerRays]

Ah, yes both terrible decisions with maximum courage required

[LazerRays]

Thank you for the review

[R.E. Ray]

It actually takes courage to not quit, to not submit to the dark voices, and to write about it for thousands, maybe millions to read. As strange as it might read, I find hope in poems like this one. The poem is evidence of strength, the will to fight back and tell others they're not alone. Keep writing!

[LazerRays]

Agree to disagree on that haha. I personally find death a whole lot more courageous to venture into rather than stay in a world of what we know. Journeying into the unknown- knowing yoh cant ever come back is truly horrifying. But ahh, how passionate is death

Thank you for the review

[R.E. Ray]

Poets often disagree. :) I’d say ask Plath or Sexton, but too bad they’re no longer with us. The best often go too soon.

[LazerRays]

True true :)

[Unspoken poet]

depression stinks so bad, I suffer from depression. It's better not to harm yourself though...

[LazerRays]

Thank you, yes it would be better but sometimes our mind still get the better of us...

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

You're a survivor and I am glad you couldn't finish it. There must be a purpose why you are still around. A greater design for a greater good. There is sin and darkness in everyone. You're not alone. Never think you are. Meow!

[LazerRays]

Thank you so much Dhara. That means a lot. How have you been? Thanks for stopping by, I’ll be over to your profile soon :)

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

I'm around amd doing very well, thanks.
You stay well and cheery, my dearie :) You're always thought of.

[AllenS]

Sarah, I for one, am glad you did not "finish it." Poetry would have suffered the loss. I would have suffered the loss of knowing myself better. I see now the circular thinking of depression. It is so true how "forgetting who I am" really is a sort of "price to pay". It occurs to me that the loss of one's own ability to explore even the most frustrating dimensions of my reality would also be a "price."

Following another strand, if you had made the choice for the "knife and not the bottle" the future of that choice would be inconclusive. Taking what appears to be the weaker choice at the moment may, in fact, have been the stronger leaving you the option to choose again. It is not easy being human, or exploring our lurking human nature, I think. It is a choice with which we all are confronted daily, and it occurs to me that you are choosing to be human by following your deep circular thinking and motivation. I thank you for sharing.

[LazerRays]

Thank you again, Allen. I’m glad you get the little hypothetical timelines from choices and weakness/strength. You’re right, then it was weak; and perhaps it became strong after. Who knows? Everything has a price- some pay off. Thanks for your review :)

[AllenS]

😎My pleasure

[poetgurl]

such an emotional powerful write here. nicely written

[LazerRays]

Thank you :)