I am nothing to you

Here's how you hurt me.

If only you saw  

Through me- I'm nothing inside 

My head is so f*****g empty 

My voice echoes when I cry 

In my brain just

 Bouncing off the f*****g walls 

When I run around trying to 

Find myself  

They stole me

And told me it was my fault 

They said its better to rip my 

F*****g heart out-   

They held me down 

And ripped it from my chest- 

Now I'm nothing inside 

Just staring into space 

You could've put some life in me- 

After they took it 

But I'm nothing to you 

I'm so empty inside 

Oh, you could've saved me!  

Those years you loved me 

 I still loved you then, 

They just tore into me like vultures 

To fix me and carve it out of me 

And when I returned brain dead  

You were gone  

I f*****g screamed but you were gone 

You could never know the way 

 I lost myself when they hit me 

And said God hated me 

And taught me to hate myself- 

Abomination- I'll write it on my f*****g wrists! 

You don't f*****g know me 

I am nothing 

I don't feel things the same anymore- 

They programed it out of me 

Sometimes I try to remember 

What it was like to be alive 

But their wounds burn my flesh 

And when it wouldn't leave my head- 

All the war in my head got so loud 

I tried to make it all stop 

And where were you-? 

When I needed you-? 

Just another face in the crowd 

Thinking I'm okay because 

My body is like a robot and I seem fine

 On the outside 

But on the inside I'm nothing   

Their voices so loud 

And yelling in my ears

 I tried to make them shut up

 But their words are like fire

 Branded into my eyes  

When I tried to kill myself- 

Did you even f*****g care? 

All I ever wanted was for someone to tell me they cared 

To fill the emptiness with  

Warmth 

To heal the damage 

They left on me 

Well now I know, 

I am nothing to you- 

Author's Note

I can't. No friend ever reached out after- you all ignored me; thinking I was okay- but I was fucked up! I'm still fucked up!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Hard and honest words shared dear Saree.
When I tried to kill myself-
Did you even f*****g care?
"All I ever wanted was for someone to tell me they cared
To fill the emptiness with
Warmth
To heal the damage
They left on me
Well now I know,
I am nothing to you- "
The above lines. Is wisdom in these words. I learn too late to be kind and to listen. Thank you for sharing the powerful and worthwhile poetry.
Coyote

[barleygirl]

I have lived thru a few things this devastating & I wish I could've expressed how intensely I was feeling it, the way you have here. This poem is a living breathing expression of why I am the way I am . . . fierce loner living alone in the wilderness these past 10 years . . . I'm done with wishing someone would've been there for me. I am you in a few more decades! (kidding!) I know we do wish people could see how much we needed just one f*****g word of acknowledgement . . . but after being shut down time after time, there's a certain exhilarating freedom in having this need for other people completely stamped out of existence within me. On this journey, I also learned that sometimes we are pushing people away even as we think we are wishing they would come close. I've grown to own my stand-offish-ness now. But I remember when my psyche screeched, just like in your poem (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[LazerRays]

That was one of the best reviews I have ever seen, very spot on and the closest anyone’s ever gotten to my true feelings. Thank you, I do wish someone would acknowledge my intense burning feelings; and that obliviousness sets me on fire like a Satan child. (As in my profile Pic here, chillin as the devil child) and the rage is like a pyre within me with inferno. All I can do is let it out on a poem before I do start spitting fire like Satan. Hahaha! Impulsiveness is something I ought to control. Thank you for your kind review, hugs back!

[Fran Marie]

whomever or whatever cause this pain to
you..you can beat it..can't let them be fuk'n with you like that..you have to fight back..
take it from me..I have been there hon.
.sending hugs and love..and lots of good
cheer at this time....

[LazerRays]

Ah. This is a complicated one.... Long story.. Long story... Thank you for reviewing... Hugs are good, yeah

[Fran Marie]

you 're welcome

[Chris]

I don't know the why, how's or when but I understand hurt and the afters - up close and personal. Catch a breath, come by and pause any time...

[LazerRays]

Thank you Chris... Thank you so much...

[Chris Shaw]

I felt torment and pain in these words. Someone who is desperate to be loved and surrounded by warmth. Yet all I felt was emptiness, lack of self worth and a dreadful sense of being alone. Fighting a losing battle. If I could I would wrap my arms around you and embrace you. You surely need it. A powerful write.

Chris

[LazerRays]

Oh god thank you.... A Hug would be nice....
Thank you so much-

[Chris Shaw]

Sending you more than one Sarah ((((.)))) Take care.