Knife

You stare at the knife and wonder why,
Your life was pain, you hope to die,
Your amnesia starts to take over,
hate that stole your composure,

The stars above whisper your name,
when you hear that, you bow in shame,
for its a reminder of yet to come,
That hurtful feeling is far from done,

Betrayed by love to many times,
Your life to keep, and to hurt is mine,
Family don't know whats to hide,
Because if you do, your sure to die,

The stars keep calling your name,
Just a cut, to howl in pain,
Jar up your sorrows and feed the beast,
For he will, on your soul, he'll feast,

The galaxy's are so wonder and lost,
You'll soon realize suicides a cost,
Because the family's don't read your mind,
The pain killer, you'll have to find

One more thing to you my dad, 
My mother to you is only a fad,
Mom, my love for you has died while back,
and you grin as you sneer and start to attack,

Oh the stars whisper my name...
and i shall cut..... screaming in pain

Author's Note

To think that I wrote this at the tender age of 11... Makes me realize how innocence is so easily damaged and tainted by the world. I was a traumatized and fucked up preteen... Disturbed, really.

Reviews

[AJNJ]

You did a fantastic job at 11 Sarah! This is really good.

[LazerRays]

I see so much grammatically incorrect words and sentences but i dont want to change it. I want it to stay the same as i wrote it then... Thank you, Pestonjee

[AJNJ]

Nah. Keep it as it is. It conveys the message in totality. Spelling is secondary.

[LazerRays]

Thank you :)

[BThomvanWart]

This is very well crafted. It's deep, emotional and it connects with your audience - and assumably, the person you intended it for. My only discrepancy with this is that some of the grammar is off and sometimes there's clarification when it isn't needed, such as the phrase/line "For he will, on your soul, he'll feast." The line, if read out loud, is a mouthful. Perhaps changing it to "For he will, on your soul, feast" would attain the same goal but also smooth out the edges of the piece. I would recommend Grammarly, an application you can download for your browser. You wouldn't need to pay for it if you stick to the free trial, but it allows you to see what spelling mistakes might be in your work and it can offer suggestions for improved grammar.

But, the piece as is, is definitely well written. You've done a very great job and it's easy to tell you tried to create something very well crafted - and you did create something very well crafted. My suggestions are simply that - suggestions. I would never want to mar the reputation of your work simply because of my opinion. Very nice write and keep up the great work!

[...]

This is realy painful. Like blade razor under skin. I can feel all the pain go throught your words. Creation of you emotion is very powerful well done

[LazerRays]

Thank YOU!!!!

[Talia Ayers]

submit this to my contest!!!!

[LazerRays]

no.........