Watching Myself Give Up

Lyrics to an unfinished song

I'm disappointed in me.
I told myself I'd be strong.

But I've given up
On living lonely
And I've lost my faith this time.
I'm done praying to something
That won't even help me.

Each day living gets harder.
Every breath I take hurts more.
The blood shed is nothing
Compared to the thoughts
My mind endures.

I'm tired of reaching out for help,
When what I receive is hell.

I'm a disaster.
I'm only watching me
Fall apart.

'Cause nothing makes sense anymore.
The emotions I feel
Are the ones I hide.
My smile is
My only disguise.
It hides the way I really feel
And people don't seem to notice
And I don't want them to
'Cause they don't need to know this.

Another day.
Another scar.
Another sleepless night.
Another dream of dying.
More heart ache
When the sun comes up.

The tears hurt so much more
Than the razor blades do,
So instead of crying
Through the night,
I'll use my skin to cut through.
'Cause nothing else is working
And I don't know what else to do.
I'm running out of options.
I'm just trying to make it through.

I'm a disaster.
I'm only watching me
Fall apart.

'Cause nothing makes sense anymore.
The emotions I feel
Are the ones I hide.
My smile is
My only disguise.
It hides the way I really feel
And people don't seem to notice
And I don't want them to
'Cause they don't need to know this.