The Silent Feud

We all have fights with our best friends. Sometimes about the most trivial things. But it doesn't matter how small the things are really, because it hurts just as much.

THE SILENT FEUD

“I’m sorry, but the bottom line is I can never trust you again.”

Those very words, spoken hours ago, still manage to leave a searing pain in your heart. You really do screw things up sometimes. Even when they go perfectly. Never before today, did you think you could cry for that friend. The friend you admired, shared your feelings with, and cared about. Your best friend; even if she never thought the same way of you. But you were sure that at some point of her life, she did. The same thoughts linger in your mind- Is this situation killing her as much as it’s killing me? Unfortunately, you don’t know because she doesn’t answer her phone. Maybe she’s just asleep- you think; with the hope of comforting yourself. After all, how many times had she told you not to call her at 6 pm? You decide to call her anyway. It’s worth the shot. Speed dial 2; calling Pooni…………..no answer. Now, you feel worse about yourself, facing the fact that you might’ve woken her up. You trudge up to your room, slamming the door shut behind you. THUMP! Landing on your bed, you bury your face in your pillow. Hot tears run down your red face. It’s a terrible feeling. A feeling you never imagined her to make you feel. Even when you do catch your breath from all the wailing and stuttering, the tears keep coming. Like someone or something is controlling your motor nerves. Trying to dehydrate and kill you in the next couple of hours. You never tell me anything- her voice echoes in your mind for the zillionth time that evening. You can’t take it anymore and manage to yell out whatever you’re holding inside- “I can’t last a week without telling you what’s going on in my life! YOU ACTUALLY WANT ME TO AGREE THAT I NEVER TELL YOU ANYTHING?” Your cracked voice trails off into the empty room. Suddenly you feel very insecure; like no one in the world is there to watch over you anymore. Make you feel better. Tell you everything’s alright, even when they’re not.

You hardly eat anything at dinner and just wait long enough to ask if you can be excused from the table. Once in bed, you long to get some sleep so that you can wake up to see that all of this is just a bad dream. A nightmare. Something you’ll forget about in the morning. But sadly, even dreams aren’t this realistic. Your pillow is drenched and now, more tears begin to gather in your eyes. Thinking hard about how to apologize to her, you notice that saying ‘sorry’ never felt easier before. Maybe because you know you’re wrong. Because you have nothing to hide from her. Nothing to be ashamed of in front of her.

 

You’re in school where she enters through the gates at around 7:45 am. You take her by the hand and lead her to the corner where you two normally hang out in the morning. A shady corner you like to call ‘the woods’. You apologize to her and see the both of you in tears; and enthralled in the one thing you both do the best. Hug it out. You swear you’ll never do something like that to her ever again. You say it like you’ve never meant anything more in life. Like you’d die if you couldn’t keep her promises. Or worse; lose her as a friend.

Just when things seem to go back to normal, something pierces through your heart. You feel like there’s poison in your blood, about to spread through your entire body in a few more minutes. You lift up your puffy, red eyelids. ‘No’, you try to pronounce. But all you can manage is a gulp of air and more silence. You probably dozed off, sometime after midnight. It’s 2 am now, and you get out of bed. She’ll never talk to you like she used to ever again. Even if she does give you a chance to talk to her, you’ll probably ruin your apology by mixing up what you want to say to her first. You’ll end up smiling in her face because it’s a fact; you cannot look her in the eye for more than 3 seconds without grinning. A weak smile spreads across your face. You think of the way she told you how she felt yesterday after school. Even when she was mad at you, she couldn’t help but have a frail smile on her face when she, too, had direct eye contact with you. She wouldn’t forgive you. But it would sure be worth heaps just to see her smiling again. Even if it meant going away from her. For her to smile again, you’d leave her alone any day. It was definitely worth the deal. She’d do her part and you’d do yours. You realize that love is a reciprocal understanding. So is pain and regret. You feel guilty for making her feel something that could force her to make you feel something worse. She’d never do something like that otherwise.

You always said that she was half your heart. There was never a time you hadn’t meant it. No matter how many people you loved and cared for, not one of them could occupy that particular half of your heart. It was a place that belonged to her only. It would be empty till she came back to seek it again. And it’d still be empty, even if she decided to never come back.

Your flashback ceases, only to remind you that this was just your first day without her; you shudder to think that there might be more regret ahead. This was only just the beginning of the silent feud.

(Dedicated to Aditi Dey Poonam, the world’s best friend.)

Author's Note

This was my first ever write-up. I tried my best to make it perfect. Please be very objective and leave by a comment. Thanks guys.

Reviews

[Amata Luna]

This is very good writing. Enough cliff-hanger and emotion altogether. I can relate with best friends... and you just spoke a language some people don't dare speak. It's a nice piece of work. Keep it up. :)