family tree

Mamma

please come back home

Pappa

please stop calling her name

Sister 

please don't go out with him

Brother 

please don't pick up the needle

All my friends have left me

All my loves abandon me

All my family forsakes me

please just let me be me 

and let my world be                             

Reviews

[Jay Harris]

"All my friend have left me/ All my friends have left me/ All my loves abandon me/ All my family forsakes me" such powerful and gripping lines. Not often do you get lines that can stand on their own. Great job.

Feedback, the speakers points are here and clear in this poem but as the reader, I am left with a clouded mind as to why? Why won't mamma come home? Why won't pappa stop calling her name? Your ground work is clear but to give the poem more weight and clarity, explain why you don't want your sister to go out with him or your brother to pick up that needle?

All in all, I enjoyed the poem, it was a simple reading but you could pull so much out of each line alone. You could have a solid short story! :)

Jay.