Midnight Thinking

It's half past midnight
when I open the door
to do more damage to my lungs
hidden under my breasts.

Expecting the world to be quiet
instead finding them

the users.

On their porches
beers in hand
ten to one making grand plans.

Transported back
to a time
when I also played pretend
but never dress up.

Acting the part
of a perfect loser
talking about life
in a body made of dead bones.

That still somehow yearned
to be better
prettier
happier
freer.

I bet they're doing the same.

But I'm not a betting (wo)man
or maybe I am.

I think how maybe
I make this all too easy.

Too convenient for you
to place love on a shelf.

So you can look
but not touch
insuring you are safe.

I think about silence
and the secrets
that shrouded my sun
and how not saying anything
tends to scream in one's ear.

I look at these adult kids
and remember
how awkward I felt always
in skin that had no hope
because it never dared to risk.

Venturing nothing
gaining a slow and painful death.


I think about you
and me
and us
and them.

And watch

as my past, present, and future
merge in a quick inhale

exhale.

And I shut the door on the noise
so I am better able to hear my voice
of a heart that now knows
how to live.

Reviews

[Sarah Lynn]

This was very deep and I enjoyed it a lot because it reminds me of my own style. No rhymes, no bullshit, just emotion and honesty. "A body made of dead bones" was my favorite line. Well done =]