God Within A Child

Spiritual Poem

I felt a hand,

So soft, so pure

An unknown child,

Striking my attention

 

Her very light blue hair,

Brings a very peaceful presence

I knew this was somehow unique

No parent was searching for her

 

I urged to hold this child

Then again, she wasn't human

She was more, much more

Like a soul keeper

 

The gaze being shared,

With an entwined stare

It was like hypnosis

Her eyes so subtle

Beaming with love

 

Then I heard mindfulness words,

“This is God, please protect me”

No lips were moving

Hands gripped tighter

 

Perfection was written all over

No feelings were being shown

Like this was a dream

Yet so real and genuine

 

God needed love from me

Making sure I am faithful

As well as obedient

The spiritual connection was so strong

 

 I closed my eyes,

Saying I love you with my mind

Once they had opened

The touch was gone

But the analogy lingered

~ Written by: Sara Lynn ~

REVISED VERSION:

 

I felt a hand,

So soft, so pure

An unknown birth,

Grasping my attention

 

Her light blue hair,

A peaceful presence

Quite unique

Lost and alone

 

The urges I had to embrace her

Would never come true

For she was the keeper of souls

And unspoken word

 

Our eyes meet

So subtle

Beams of love entwine

 

An airy voice echoes,

“I Am God, let me protect you”

Chills envelope within me

Our hands grip tighter

 

A dream

Perfection

Genuine and real

 

Craving his guidance

Faithfulness and obedience are essential

A Spiritual connection, so strong

 

Behind closed eyes,

I whisper, “I love you. I believe.

Don’t give up on me.”

~ Written by: Sara Lynn ~

Author's Note

God can come to us in mysterious ways. Especially when you are open minded and receive love around you.

Reviews

[Sydney]

I like the story, I think it could be greatly improved with word choice. Example; "A peaceful presence" could be revised to "Tranquility in her apparition". "her light blue hair" - try to be more descriptive, give the reader a vivid image of exactly what color her hair is. "Silver-cyan locks frame her face"

Just some observations, great story line though.

[DoormanDan]

I really like this. Even though I am a Christian, I usually tend to stay away from religious songs because a lot of them start to sound the same eventually, but this poem is much different than those. I love the colors you used for the words, the narrative like reading of the poem itself and your choice of words. I also love how you made the little girl's hair blue; it really drives home the message you are trying to get across in the poem.

Suggestions: I don't really have any, this poem works fantastically as a free-verse. All in all, fantastic job! :)

My rating: 4/5
What the rating probably is: 4.5/5

[Mashairi]

Beautiful poem with a unique concept. Well done ^^

[613]

Hmmm . . . this is an interesting, entertaining tale of G-d's mysteriousness. He really does show Himself to us in ways we'd never thought He would. Nice job.

- Brittney

[Joshua Clement]

I really enjoyed this, and so true. Thank you for posting... it is giving me much to think about...

[Potato]

You have amazing choice of words. They are deep. But since it's a poem, it would be better if it ends with rhyming words.

[Coyote Poetry]

Strong and positive thoughts.
"Behind closed eyes,
I whisper, “I love you. I believe.
Don’t give up on me.”
I believe we give up, not God. I liked your thoughts. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote