Flying Variations

done for j.r.'s contest

Flying Variations

 

sevenling i

a flash of white, a smear of red, a ballet of black
across the sherbet morning sky:
mockingbird, cardinal, crow aflight,

sailing through the smog of dispersed clouds.
the sun peeks over the horizon, the moon lies late,  
and the worms burrow deep into the polluted earth.

the crack of glass, a neck broken.


sevenling ii

3, 2, 1…
lift off!
breaking the atmosphere in metal and fire

1, 2, 3…
the measured heartbeats of a condor
sailing thermals struck with solar light

great strides in aviation


sevenling iii

angel wings glide through celestial planes,
brush ascending souls,
bestow god's grace with a single white feather.

unearthly beings of ancient name: gabriel, michael, raphael,
heaven's eagles, pure and righteous,
cutting the sky with a sword and scepter.  

a warrior's cry breaks out --


sevenling iv

an untouchable sensation
freedom only a word
the boneless kiss of dry air

heat
ache
heartache

a completion of being

Reviews

[Devons]

Sylph-like imagery of nature in differing forms drifts analogously between harsher ("the crack of glass, a neck broken".."breaking the atmosphere in metal and fire"), and more mechanical and brutal evocations of life. This poem is a subtly abstract depiction of all that its title infers. And by seeing and feeling these implied visions, both the contrast and similarities are recognised somehow spiritually. It's hard to pin-down but the impression is there all the same. The last verse, for example, is an enigma in itself: but one which has a conglomerate feeling within it, and "a completion of being" seems to me to evoke all finally of this ambivalent and ambiguous 'sense' of life that the poem as a whole is conveying.
The descriptive and spiritual elements of this writing are I think what makes it a success in terms of poetry; raising it above the usual cryptic abstract form.
There is a certain ethereal intelligence in how this is made, and for me the phrase "a ballet of black" justifies this work's existence on its own.

[Matthew vonHone]

Simply, "Beautiful".

[Wondering Mind]

amazing creativity, and a very interesting structure; as if it resonates with the natural frequency of comprehension..I shall have to look into it further. Thank you for this door to another form to explore.

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Sara,

Who are you? This is interesting writing. It has a T.S. Eliot taste in some ways. (One of my favorite poets.)

"across the sherbet morning sky:"

This is nice writing, especially with the three birds supporting the flow. That's nice.

And I must say the the various scenes juxtaposed against each other: birds, rocket flight, angels. All very nice.

"freedom only a word
the boneless kiss of dry air"

Yes this is true if not backed up with passion, if not backed up with willingness to fight for this treasure.

This is a very perceptive write. Amazed this comes from someone so young--you;re are still young, don't be insulted.

Wonderful work. Greatly enjoyed. I want to see more.

Best regards,

Rick

[...]

. oh gosh ... this is beautifully creative and surreal ... it's like a beautiful poetic chant ... and these lines especially ... are to die for ...


an untouchable sensation
freedom only a word
the boneless kiss of dry air

[alesuriko]

This is beautiful! The imagery is so beautiful and decadent in some cases. Every line has a significant touch to the rest of the poem. I love the abstract metaphors written throughout the entire poem. Absolute beauty and grace.

[Jonathan Ballam]

For me this would be better without your third 'chapter'. However, you've still kept up your usual metaphors that cut right to the cerebral bone.

My favourite image is most probably 'the sherbet morning sky'.

Thanks for sharing this. You're refreshing original! It is a pleasure to read something that makes me think, rather than twinge inside after seeing cliches strewn needlessly *spits*.

;)

[Rory CJ Frankson]

the boneless kiss of dry air
-wow- always cool you! ;)

[.]

"angel wings glide through celestial planes,
brush ascending souls,
bestow god's grace with a single white feather."

God-great imagery--wonderful poetry!!!

james:-)

[W.k.kortas]

The learned Ed has thrice characterized this marvel correctly. It is, in my uninformed opinion, an odd mix of Stephen Crane and a haiku-like feel.