Our Song

sing to me, o muse!

Our Song

The gentle hymn of the sea swallows us,
the corals bolstering our smiling voices
as we take each other's hands and listen
to our life's ascending soprano.
Together we fit into a niche of blue skies
and crashing waves of happiness and hope.
Only in your soulful eyes am I found,
in a reflection as clear as green saltwater,
the golden fins of the angel fish sweeping
our path to the sandcastle on the shore
where we belong together, humming
harmoniously underneath the yellow apple sun.

Reviews

[happy girl]

That was truly beautiful, like a serene calm place that you could escape to only in a dream, unless youve found the right person to take you there. The imagery and vocabulary was great! You showed a lot of talent when you expressed yourself in this poem. Great job!! :D

[Lorraine]

Brilliant imagery. The descriptions are so creatively done that it’s amazing. Your poem makes a passionate read with a colorful language that takes me to the depth of imaginations. I like the way you use nature as some sort of accomplice and comparison in that so-called pure love.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[alan peter kelly]

humming harmoniously with your sweet accent...providing another dimension from the fourth dimension...i am sharing all editions on my facebook...some lovely turns of phrase here...made perfect by the harmony in your voice...im Australian...the American poetic voice is exotic to me...hey...what can i say? haha

[Hello, Goodbye]

Beautiful poetry..

[Hamkar]

So many metaphors in that piece of work. It is lovely but sometimes can be a little full on.

[Lady Celery]

You used such beautiful words and imagery! It was very, very nice. Good job! I was impressed :)

My favorite line was "The gentle hymn of the sea swallows us, the corals bolstering our smiling voices as we take each other's hands and listen to our life's ascending soprano." It was so beautiful.

I wish I could write like that...

Amazing!

~Julia T.

[Antonio Valentino]

"where we belong together, humming
harmoniously underneath the yellow apple sun."

Sigh...

Yellow apples on store list... check!
Antonio

[Shalini Dinesh]

lots of beautiful words and metaphors make this poem sound so good, yellow apple sun! wow i like that, overall it was nice to read

[...]

... oh ... this is a beautiful love song ... embroidered with warmth and care ... it's like a water colour painting that one can look at for hours and be simply amazed at ... "corals bolstering our smiling voices" ... "life's ascending soprano" ... "niche of blue skies" ... "the yellow apple sun" ... are immensely ravishing and mesmerizing poetic expressions ... gorgeous verse ...

[just rose.]

the last line is just gorgeous. i thought a bit about the corals and bolstering, i wondered if that verb worked there but then i thought of the structure of coral as sort of like a fluffy comforter or bolster, and it made a little light go on in my brain and worked. for a moment i was reminded of rilke's love song, ("and what musician holds us in his hand? o sweetest song.") but also there's a very sort of pablo neruda sense of love as expressed in the natural world here. i think the risk you run with this poem is that some of the phrasing a little more expected ("life's ascending soprano") to sustain the metaphor when what i want as a reader is to be surprised by the yellow apple sun ... does that make sense? it's less a criticism -- it works as it is -- than a longing for just a little bit more revelation, perhaps. nevertheless you weave the ocean and the music of it very rhythmically and effectively here.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Beautiful, I love the phrase "yellow apple sun"! Very good write.