Aura On The Edge

Rhyme, nature, life

Out next to the Weeping Willow Tree

The half-full moon still shines in early morn

Amazingly the glow gets brighter

As the sun rises on the horizon

 

But the sun earlier was shrouded

Obscure because of the fog and mist

The birds did not seem to mind at all

For their chirping was very shrill.. brisk

 

The sun rises over the horizon

In a fireball of red this day

As the sun appears, everything seems

Speedily move on its way

 

The clear light that is on the moon now

Much brighter with a glow that's silver

There's an aura on the very edge

That reveals its time to go so soon

 

Time for me to go as well as moon

Duty calls...responsibility

The chores of the day to care for home

To see that families' needs are met

 

 

 

Author's Note

Out on the porch to commune with nature before facing the duties of the day...

Reviews

[Ruth]

Wow, nature, gotta love the beauty of her! lol This is amazing imagery friend:) xx

[ettorney]

Oh to have a big porch facing east to see the sunrise. This poem brings forth some beautiful imagery. I really enjoyed reading it.

[Charles]

This is a nice peaceful poem, a reflection on a time we get to see too seldom - the moon and sun in the sky together at sunrise. There doesn't seem to be a particular meter to the various lines and no real rhyming scheme, which are perfectly fine attributes for poems of this sort. I wonder, then, why the line 'it is time to now go' is inverted (now and go reversed from what their usual order might be). There is an inconsistency (sun 'rise' instead of 'rises' in line 4, and the repetition of ''day' as in 'day' and 'today' in the third stanza) is distracting. I agree that the word 'responsibility' is somewhat jarring as well. None of this detracts from the very nice effort you've made here, though. :-)

[just rose.]

i like this all the way to the word responsibility, which trips me up because it has so many syllables. i think you could totally end on it for duty calls, and the soft rhythm of the moment is maintained, even with the ellipsis, which might suggest a kind of soft entrance to the day. unless you were trying to suggest the sort of jagged entry into the structure of the day? the title is so gorgeous, but maybe title it responsibility and have "aura on the edge" somewhere in the poem? that image is incredibly evocative.

i don't mean the above to be critical - i think you've produced a very vivid piece (i nearly wrote peace, because that's what this makes me feel() about a very special and intimate time of day - just my response as a reader going along with the mood of the poem. well done sunflower!