A Restless Killer

Hope you like it.

I am a blinking star

In an infinite ocean

Filled with abstract motion,

Dressed in filthy emotion.

 

I draw your life

With every day and night.

Always I hide in clear sight

Covered only by a ghostly light.

 

I’m dressed in questions

And I hum to a melody

Composed by the deep agony

That came with your insanity.

 

You watch a sobbing body

Ripped by glowing thorns

Of dancing and chanting moons

Binding you to their own tombs.

 

You reach for the soul,

But melt in searing sorrow,

As your soul becomes hollow

By the touch of tomorrow.

 

For the thing is just a mirror

And that which you’ve seen

Is a creature so thin

That it’s empty within.

 

Now I can let you know

How the monster crumbled to dust

As it watched its own soul rust:

It was torn up by my ravenous lust.

Author's Note

Feedback is welcome.

Reviews

[Tessa Melendez]

I love it. The figurative language is so powerful and creative and provides great imagery. I wish you had read requested this one to me so I might have read it earlier. It's really good. Every stanza rhymes perfectly together. I know it had to be at least a tad difficult to write because of that. It seems intense and dark though. I wonder where you got the inspiration for this one?

[Marcus Sergiu David]

Thank you very much :) It wasn't really difficult to write, it just needed some editing to find the right words for some places. As far as inspiration goes...well, sometimes I just sit and think about weird stuff. Of course, my poetry could be just a little exaggerated. Thanks for reviewing. :)

[V]

I like the slightly unsettling images and use of language though could be more powerful. I don't feel that content with your last stanza to be honest.
"How the monster crumbled to dust
As it watched its own soul rust:
It was torn up by my ravenous lust" reads not so rhythmic and flowing as other lines, same goes for lines 3,4 of the second stanza. The form regarding the flow needs a little improvement yet still a nice outline for now.

[Marcus Sergiu David]

I really appreciate your constructive and sincere review. I might come back one day and try to make it flow a little better. Thank you very much :)

[V]

You're welcome.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

just needs a chorus and will be a really perfect song...even before the music is added there is a terrific beat to this...

well expressed.

j.

[Marcus Sergiu David]

Thanks a lot for your kind words. I have never tried writing song lyrics, but I might try it someday. Always nice to read your reviews.

[iamshadowine]

"I’m dressed in questions
And I hum to a melody
Composed by the deep agony
That came with your insanity."

excellent lines! i loved the composition of your poem and also the plot! it's an incredible one!
keep writing :D

[Marcus Sergiu David]

Thank you very much. :) Recently, I've been writing mostly in my native language, except for the occasional pair of lines that I don't find worthy of posting. Thank you for reviewing :)