Lost.

If there is a road to walk by I wasn't aware of it. If I said that I knew where I'm going I'd be lying.

I’ve changed. I can see that now. But I’m not sure if that’s ok or not. I can’t quite tell if I’m heading the right way or not. I’d like to think that everything is for the best yet I can’t help to have this overwhelming feeling that I’m slowly losing myself. Who am I? I don’t f*****g know. Every day it seems to be slipping away from me. I have less and less control over everything.

         I’m losing it. I’m losing myself.

         And it is scary.

         Sometimes it feels as if I am just reconnecting with myself, it is as if I’m discovering who I truly am. And there are other times where I look at myself in the mirror and I wonder Who the f**k am I looking at? Why did I do this? Why do I keep on doing it? I always thought that as I grew and became wiser I would slowly figure out everything there is to me, to the others and to the world but the truth is I believe that every new day I have more questions and less answers. It makes me mad. I wish I could freeze time for a moment and just think and talk to myself.

         I used to have a road, I didn’t know where it would take me but the road was there and I always kept walking through it. It was long and boring but it was safe. Just a straight line going nowhere in the middle of the dessert. But even if the sun would burn or the heat wanted to make me fall the road would always be there to give me this stupid comfort. But now…now I cannot see a f*****g road. When it rains in the middle of a storm I walk blind with no idea where I am going and how I am getting there. If the wind blows too hard I’m dragged with it and end up somewhere else. If there’s a fire I run from it whether it is ahead, to the right or to the left. I just run blindly. I have no f*****g idea where I am going, I don’t understand why I run or how I run. Yet I keep on running, walking or crawling.

         Strangely enough there’s no road now, it is scary and filled with dangers but still I prefer it over that boring one in the middle of the dessert. Still that doesn’t change that I am completely lost. But maybe that’s how it is supposed to be…maybe to find ourselves and where to go we have to be lost for some time. Maybe this is the time to be lost. 

Reviews

[Courtney Hough]

"I wonder Who the f**k am I looking at? Why did I do this? Why do I keep on doing it? " This line is so powerful. Loved this whole piece. Thought provoking!