She

She -babbled

        -crawled

        -walked

        -bounced

                          -on 'those' way

 

She loved- toys

              -fairy tales

              -gossip

              -folks

                           -of those days

She, now-dreams

              -desires

              -floats

              -'wings'

                           -to touch the majestic blue

 

She -    aspires

           -aims

           -stands up

           -ascends

                           -to be noble-nobler deeds, to do

 

She hence-breaks the shackle

                -bleeds her hands

                -tears up the cage

                -steps out

                            -feels the life- the fragrance

 

She-once prattled

              -had those “toys”

              -Feared-suppressed-learnt

              -moves out

                              -She is now- "the Woman"

 

 

Magnificent-“She” stands…

 

 

 

 

 

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel “Hridayaninadini”

Wednesday-1:30 AM- LHH-110-IISc-Sep-7-011

Insomniac!

Glorious-Women-are-always

To all the women of the world

Reviews

[Dayran]

I'm not sure where to start. I would like to say however, the magnificence of a woman holding a life in her hands is reminiscent of birth and her role of mother, in many different ways. Mothers would naturally hate anyone coming close to her charge, at a time like this. I figure your last line is a ' leap' from the previous, as it should be. May peace and joy follow the days of your life.

[Jibey]

A cleverly structured poem with a leasing flow of words to fit the theme of a woman's emancipation...

[Rene Velez]

beautiful structure and wordplay, a joy to read...

[Livana Lowell]

I find a lot of force in this poem. In the first stanza, "on those way" is a bit awkward. I don't understand what this is supposed to mean. On what way? What went what way?

Second stanza, "gossip" is plural without the "s"

Third stanza, the word "wings" is placed in awkwardly also because the other three words were used as verbs while here, "wings" is a plural noun. That kind of threw me off. In addition, it is the last word there before you say, "to touch the majestic blue", a noun needs a verb to complete that statement, otherwise it comes off disconnected. Well, in my opinion anyways. This is how I read it: "She wings to touch the majestic blue" I don't think that was the desired effect.

In the next stanza, this line here is a bit awkward as well, "to be the noble and do" and do what? That's kind of incomplete there and even if it's meant to be incomplete, I didn't understand what that was supposed to connect to exactly. Also, to be the noble what? If you are saying she is to be noble, then delete "the"

The sixth stanza had three present tense words and switched erratically at the last one when you said, "moves out" which was very peculiar to the other words listed.

I really enjoyed the fifth stanza however, very cute. It flowed and connected together very nicely. I liked the idea, though, the timeline of the woman. The execution is a bit shaky, but the idea is brilliant.

Sincerely Livana Lowell (LL)

God bless

[Audrey Howitt]

Well done! And the picture works well with the poem.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Erratic at times for me, I must admit, but the deep setted wording and favoured essence are fantastic, well done, good read.

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Love the format, pic and the message within the poem, very profound... excellent :)