A Deal

A deal worth everything...

Standing on his knees,
Head bowed in prayer
Before the one almighty,
True love, tears. so rare...

Wishing for her happiness,
Praying for her dreams to come true.
Ready to sacrifice everything,
Everything he ever knew...

Watching his tears,
The heavens spoke to him.
Sparking the hope in his eyes,
That was long lost, so dim.

"Make all her dreams reality,
That's my only request.
If only she'll be happy,
I'll truly be blessed."

"what will you sacrifice?"
Asked the heavens.
To check his commitment,
They wanted his heart's impressions.

The heavens asked for
the most valuable thing in his life.
And he offered himself,
For accomplishing what he strives...

Heavens didn't want his life, but
"It's your love, are you ready to sacrifice?"
He was struck by lightening,
What a roll of dice...

"If you accept,
You'll loose her forever,
She'll reach to her dreams,
And will not cry, never ever..."

Sacrificing love, for love,
He just smiled and accepted.
With oceans of pain in his heart,
The right choice he selected...

Her dreams were realized,
Her smile tells how she feels.
Forgetting about the guy,
Who made the deal...

Author's Note

Wrote something after a long time. I'm still working on it, some corrections are needed and also it's a bit too long. Kindly help me with it...thank you...:)

Reviews

[Sierra Atwood]

I really like the story in this poem and also the word choice. The only thing I would say to work on is improving the strength of the fifth stanza in order to make it flow better, and some editing for correct usage should be done ("lose" not "loose" in 8th stanza). Overall the poem itself is beautiful.

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much Sierra for a great advice, I'll certainly work on it...:)

[stars are far]

omg thats very sad :(and very beautiful ,its heart touching and aching, i know that many can do that and i might be one, but i believe that no one must dedicate their lives to anyone else, because we only live once, that was amazing write

[Sanjh]

You are write about life Suhad, just waiting for someone for whole life is possible but may be someday you'll meet someone who'll make you forget your past and move on.
thanks for reading...:)

[stars are far]

i believe in that though i haven't met that person yet heh :)

[Sanjh]

Don't you worry, you never know what's next in life. Just hope for the best and live on...:)

[stars are far]

i hope for your best too :)

[Sanjh]

Thank you Suhad...:)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

What a deal! But that's what love is about, I guess. To sacrifice everything, even yourself for another. Also very sad poem. It's being happy and sad at the same time. Great feelings you describe. Very well done, Sanjh :) Rudi

[Sanjh]

Well said Rudi, the other name of love is sacrifice.
thank you so much ...:)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

My pleasure, Sanjh. Have a good day. :) Rudi

[Pushkar Prabhat]

Beautiful story..........
well written.....
i liked it!!!
:)

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much bro...:)

[rashu]

its really amazing ..
u described it so well.
how the lover sacrificiced his love to make the love of his life happy was really a nice concept and more than that i liked the way u portayed it ..
i feel that in the second last line
"forgetting about the guy"
"about" can be ommitted
also "heavens" can be changed to "heaven"
other in this it is really a painful tale beautifully expressed..
keep it up:)

[Sanjh]

Thank you Rashu, nice suggestions, I'll work on it...:)

[Emily]

I love the first 2 lines!
Keep it up!!!

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much Emily...:)