I Promise...

A promise to keep.

I'll be here,
I promised...

When you left me,
on this lonely path.
Left with just darkness,
And love's deadly wraith...

I tried to turn around and return,
from where I once started.
Kept running in the dark,
everyone thought I'm retarded...

I'll be here,
I promised...

I tried to free myself,
from each and every thought of you.
But the more I thought,
the deeper my love grew...

I cried, I shouted,
Thinking you might hear.
But no one ever heard me,
I lived in shadows of my tears...

I'm still here,
as I promised...

I'm still waiting for you,
from where you left long ago...
But you might not recognize me,
for who am i now? Even I don't know...

But I'm still here,
everyday my love still grows.
You are far away from me,
And I just want you to know:

I'll always be here,

I promise once more...

Author's Note

Help me improve it...thank you...:)

Reviews

[Lenah Mehzabin]

I don't think it needs anymore improvement ..it's already so amazing that it made me teary nd after every stanza when u said " i will be here ,i promised " .. it just made me stop and stare for few minutes ... very beautifull , totally a piece of brilliance.. :)

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it and it touched you...:)

[blackfairy3]

Your welcome :)

[Layi Tate]

Wow no improvement necessary !

[Sanjh]

Thank you for appreciating Layi...:)

[Hailey noice]

Nothing to improve. This poem made me cry and I fell in love with it.

[Sanjh]

Wow, I'm glad you liked it so much. Thank you...:)

[Hailey noice]

Your welcome. Keep it up.

[Lizzie Mitchell]

nice heartfelt poem
good job

[Sanjh]

Thank you Lizzie...:)

[Lauren]

"I tried to turn around and return,
from where I once started.
Kept running in the dark,
everyone thought I'm retarded..."

I love this poem but this one stanza makes me feel thrown off.
Like, the use of the word "retarded" is just too abrupt for me and out of place.

Personally I would try something a little more like:
"I tried to turn around and return,
from where I once started.
Kept running in the dark,
They thought my common sense had departed."

This is just constructive criticism! You're under no obligation to change your poem or even care about what I've said. It is a very good write! Thank you for sharing :)

[Sanjh]

Yeah, you are right Lauren, it's breaking the flow of the poem. I'll work on it, and thank you so much for a wonderful suggestion...:)

[Ragini]

It's great! And there's no need to improve it. What comes from the heart is always the best. :)

[Sanjh]

Thank you Ragini...:)

[The Black Warrior]

This is beautifully written my friend...Well done! :D

[Sanjh]

Thank you for appreciating Suk...:)

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad and beautiful poem. I could feel the emotion and need to find places that are lost. True love will never leave us. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much for the kind review Coyote...:)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[R Smith]

i don't see the need to improve, its nearly always the case that as it comes from your head is how it should be, sometimes a word here and there, maybe even a line or punctuation, i'm the worst for that hav'ent got a clue apart from comma's lol, for this poem it seems fine to me, maybe those who are better than me might have advice but mine is its very good :)

[Sanjh]

Thank you Richard, your views are always important to me...:)

[R Smith]

you're welcome :)

[Emily]

I can't let you enough how much I have the way you started it!
Well done!

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much Emily...:)