Beautiful Eyes

Beautiful Eyes

A Poem by Sanjh
"

Romantic...may be...

"
Those sparkling blue eyes,
intoxicating like wine.
I can stare at them all day,
they are my holy shrine...
Every time I see you around,
my fate starts to shine.
I'm not joking my dear,
I want to make you mine...

Eyes blue as an ocean,
so beautiful and so deep.
let me be lost forever in it,
I'd never ever let you weep...
I'll take care of everything,
even when life gets steep.
Every night I will kiss your lips,
before you go to sleep...
 
Your eyes are so deceptive,
they trick me every time.
I wanna be with you forever,
but maybe it's just not my time...
Falling for your eyes,
was my only crime.
How naive of me?
You will never be mine...

© 2014 Sanjh


Author's Note

Sanjh
Your opinion please, help me improve it...:)

My Review

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Featured Review

The beauty of eyes lies in the emotion they reflect, very beautiful and heart touching piece. The story you described here is indeed very common and infact a part of everyone's life, which brings us closer to our hearts on a different level. The treatement, again of this poem's subject is perfect.. starting from the rhyming scheme to the length and language. Very well done.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

9 Years Ago

Thank you so much Penny...:)
Penny

9 Years Ago

My pleasure as always.



Reviews

I like it the beginning how you told us right a way what color here eyes where.
Keep it up!!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

9 Years Ago

Thank you Emily...:)
I agree with previous reviews - maybe a little variety in the language used would be beneficial - but aside from that, this is a wonderful piece! You write very elegantly and delicately, and the poem is breathtakingly romantic. Your narrative voice is very sweet and shy, so the resulting poem is absolutely charming!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

9 Years Ago

Than you so much for reading and the advice. It's really helpful...:)
Belle

9 Years Ago

No problem! It was a pleasure to read.
You are a great writer. I'm not good at all with love poems, or not so good at poetry. I'm new but am learning from writers like you. thank you.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

9 Years Ago

Thank you for appreciating, these really are big words of praise for me. I'm just a newbie in poetry.. read more
Confuser

9 Years Ago

You're quite welcome.
Sad ending… Eyes are such a small part of a person. It's amazing how much we see in those tiny windows.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

9 Years Ago

True, eyes are the window to our heart, they speak louder than words...

thank you for r.. read more
MomzillaNC

9 Years Ago

You're welcome.
enjoyed these :
"
Eyes blue as an ocean,
so beautiful and so deep.
let me be lost forever in it,
I'd never ever let you weep... "


great poem.......
loved it!!


Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

9 Years Ago

Thank you for appreciating...:)
I agree with Poetic Raven, you have written a truly beautiful and very sad poem, it just needs some variation in the wording, i can't quite pinpoint it except to say its something in the rhymes, that sound a bit sing songish its strange cos it should work but somehow its not, sorry to be negative :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

9 Years Ago

No need to be sorry Sir, this is how I'll improve. Thank you for the honest opinion. I'll work on it.. read more
R Smith

9 Years Ago

you are always welcome :)
Nice job! Eyes speak everything. Staring into a persons eyes feels great.
You explained greatly the subject of wanting someone but not able to get them. And still loving every feature of that person. Nicely penned.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

9 Years Ago

True, eyes are the mirror of our soul. Sometimes we find everything in someone's eyes and sometimes .. read more
awesome job! ryhme is perfect. romantic fantasy and them back to reality. i liked it. keep writing. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

9 Years Ago

Thank you so much for appreciating. I'm glad you liked it...:)
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
I admit, eyes are my weakness besides a smile.. that is what draws me to others.. it is what expresses.. they say that they are the windows to the soul.. I think there is a little truth to this.. you can tell a lot by looking into someone's eyes.. this was well expressed here.. we felt the strength of the connection the speaker feels.. felt bittersweet..

few little suggestions since you asked.. :)...


"intoxicating like a wine.".. would leave out the "a".. flows better
"I can stare (at or into) them all day," would either use at or into here..
"even if the life's at steep."... stumbled here.. would maybe word it different.. (even when life gets steep)--maybe....
"but may be it's just not my time..."... think "maybe" should be one word here..
" was all but my crime.".... stumbled here as well.. would maybe word it.. (was my only crime)..

overall, this was very nice.. well done!






Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

9 Years Ago

thank you so much for reading April, I always learn from your reviews. Thank you for the suggestions.. read more
Sanjh

9 Years Ago

updated it, thanks again...:)
AprilRN1210

9 Years Ago

much better!.. so glad I could help.. you are more than welcome:)
I found this poem very beautiful. I can familiarize with the dancing around the subject of wanting someone, but never being able to fully have them. A small suggestion would be to maybe use more varied vocabulary. Other than that, it's a beautiful piece.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sanjh

9 Years Ago

Thank you for reading, and nice suggestion. I'm working on it.

Thank you so much...:)

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40 Reviews
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Added on November 7, 2014
Last Updated on November 8, 2014
Tags: love, sad, happy, romance

Author

Sanjh
Sanjh

New Delhi, India



About
So I'm back after a small gap of 5 months. I have more than 1200 RRs, sorry I won't be able to read them all, only the latest. Thank you for reading and reviewing my writings. :) I am a part time w.. more..

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