Mask...

Hope you would like it...

Once I bought a mask,

so beautiful and so bright.

It was so real,

even shining in the night.

When I put it on,

everyone seemed to be so quiet.

No one could see the real me,

like I'm far from their sight...

 

The mask was perfect,

I used it to hide my tears.

No one could sneak through,

I was hidden from my fears...

I wore it every day,

however my heart was unclear.

I was just hiding myself,

didn't allow anyone to come near...

 

It worked wonders for me,

I thought buying it was worthwhile.

Now and then I found the courage to remove it,

Not very often but once in a while.

To see my real face,

To me it looked like a junk pile.

People did not like it,

They loved the mask named smile.

 

Author's Note

There are many errors, still sharing, help me improve...thanks...:)

Reviews

[M.A.Rathore]

Nice poem . People use to apply masks to hide their reality. Under the mask they do so much injustice. People try to remain in the mask all the time..... Your poem has pathos and reality at the same time.. keep it up . Good job.
I like the statemet ...people love the mask named smile"
Thanks for sharing ..

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much sir...:)

[M.A.Rathore]

Welcome. It is my pleasure.

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem told a true story. Many kinds of mask. Hiding tears and fears need to be hidden sometimes. I liked the story in the poem and the perfect ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much for the kind words Coyote...:)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Confuser]

I don't know about errors at all. First I thought, it could get bigger and wouldn't fit; because I didn't like that the character thought the real self looked like a junk pile; all the insecurities and fears piling up. But that would make a junk pile, wouldn't it. I notice that you really try to rhyme every stanza. And that does make the poem flow (by the way, I really like it!), but It's easy for me to rhyme, sometimes. But I've been told that doesn't matter so much. I'm not experienced enough to critique. I liked it.

[Sanjh]

You got it right, I too was confused about the ending but I didn't want it to exceed more then 3 verse, so ended it suddenly. But I am working on it, will add one more Verse.
Thank you for the honest opinion, each and every suggestion from you is very helpful to me...
Thank you so much...:)

[Kim]

Beautiful and so true! I really liked it :)

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much...:)

[Shitsune Hyuuga]

Great, I like this but I guess there was something missing on the last parts. I can't seem to point it out but I think there was suppose to be more.

[Sanjh]

yes you are right, actually I didn't want the poem to have nore then 3 stanzas. I was confused about continuing it for one more stanza. So I ended it like this, seems incomplete though...:(

Anyways thanks for reading, you are a keen observer...:)

[Shitsune Hyuuga]

Thanks too :)

[R Smith]

beautiful, an interesting idea, shows some depth of imagination, well written Sanjh :)

[Sanjh]

Thank you once again sir...:)

[MomzillaNC]

We all have our masks we hide behind. If we're lucky, we find a very few folk with whom the masks are not needed.

NOTES: I'm not sure what your intent is with this line: "everyone seemed to be so quite."

[Sanjh]

By this line, I meant that the voices of the people has vanished, the people who use to criticize the original face or feelings.

Thanks for reading...:)

[MomzillaNC]

Then, perhaps, it needs to be "quieted" or "quiet"
"Quite" has nothing to do with a lost voice

[Sanjh]

Oh, my bad...spelling error, silly one...thanks for pointing that out...:(

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.

[Sanjh]

It's corrected, thanks...:)

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.

[Aparna]

Fantastic and thought provoking, but guess a well-formed rhyming structure would make this one just perfect :) Great job!

[Sanjh]

Thank you for reading and the advice, I'm working on it...:)

[Lola_Bee]

beautiful, loved it, however, i would really change the title to a mask instead of the mask named smile as it would created a luring affect to at the last line read that the mask you wore all along was a smile. it would create more mystery and had an effective ending. great work

[Sanjh]

yeah, that's very helpful. thanks for pointing it out. I'll change it now...
thanks again...:)

[Lola_Bee]

"didn't allow anyone to come near" instead of "didn't let anyone to get near"
also the ending is a bit jumbled up.

[Sanjh]

True, the ending should be more smooth. I'm working on it.

Thank you once again...it's very helpful...:)

[Sanjh]

Thanks for suggesting the line (didn't allow anyone to come near), it's updated...:)

[Sanjh]

Thanks for all the corrections you made, it looks better now...:)

[Mohamed Al Banna]

I liked it. Powerful emotions offered straight forward. But, like you stated it contains some errors. I'd work on the words and rhymes. Other than that it's great.

[Sanjh]

You are correct, I need to change some words for better rhyming.

Thank you for advice...:)