Flying Away...

Love's in the air...

The first time when I saw you,

my life was black and white...
When you smiled at me for the first time,
I knew everything's gonna be alright...

 

You came in like a breeze,

blowing my heart apart.
Like the first drop of the rain,

you gave my life a brand new start.
Your smile's my only hope,

the only thing I have in life.
Wish to be with you forever,
I wanna love you all my life...

 

My heart is flying away,

following you everywhere...

I'm going crazy for you,

don't know it's night or the day...
Yeah, my heart is beating so loud,
I can hear it loud in the crowd...
Your love is all over my mind,

and I'm in heaven on a cloud...

 

Your smile is my sunshine,

your hair is dark as night...

I'm falling for you every time,

and it seems to be so right...

 

Your love is everything,

that's keeping me alive...
I wanna feel you by my side,

wanna be with you all my life...
Every time I see you smile,

it makes my heart fly so high...
I'll die for you baby,
Would never ever let you cry...
Yeah, would never let you cry...

 
My heart is flying away,

following you everywhere...

I'm going crazy for you,

don't know it's night or the day...

And I know I'm trying so hard,

you are my life's missing part,

I'm sure that someday you'll see,

and we will never be apart...

 

Author's Note

Kindly provide your views..

Reviews

[icomeanon_13]

This is a very sweet poem which highlights the initial emotions of new love. As Pushkar said in the review below, it is innocent. I would go so far as to say a little naive. The poem is reminiscent of a dozen red roses: beautiful and thoughtful but also a little predictable.

From a technical standpoint, watch out for tense confusion. The first stanza is a good example of going from past tense to present in a jarring manner:
"When you smiled at me for the first time, (past tense)
I knew everything's gonna be alright." (present tense)

"Yeah, my heart is beating so loud,
I can hear it loud in the crowd..." this feels a little awkward. Too many rhyming words in these two lines. Consider revision.

"You are all over on my mind" This is also an awkward line. "all over" would not be used to describe how often you think of somone. Consider revision.

On the whole, it is a fun poem. I think what I'd like to see is a series as the relationship progresses. Because the truth is love is painful and it's a full time job. We're going to cry, be hurt, and hopefully forgive. The evolution of a first crush to the last fight would be something I'd like to see on paper.

[Sanjh]

Thank you for reading and providing so many helpful inputs. I'll try my best to improve it and other writings...

Thank you so much...:)

[icomeanon_13]

Keep writing! You're well on your way.

[Ragini]

Lovely..:) Very sweet and loving. I especially liked the fourth stanza..

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much Ragini...:)

[Cool Girl]

Wow! Such a sweet love poem:)

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much...:)

[Cool Girl]

You are so welcome!

[Misha]

Lovely love poem struck by loving words and emotions......;)

[Sanjh]

thank you so much...:)

[Tasfia Islam]

Wow.... this is one of my favorite poem from today.... :) Its wonderful... :)

[Sanjh]

Thank you Annabelle, I'm glad you liked it...:)

[hardeep sabharwal]

Simple and sweet love poem, I like its tone and essence :)
Thankyou for sharing

[Sanjh]

Thank you for the kind words Hardeep...:)

[hardeep sabharwal]

Simple and sweet love poem, I like its tone and essence :)
Thankyou for sharing

[Confuser]

If this is written for a special person, she would be so lucky to receive it. Quite beautiful sentiment. I really enjoyed it. Thank you S.............

[Sanjh]

you are right as always..:) It is for someone very special, but I won't be able to sing it for her...:(
Thank you so much...:)

[Confuser]

Young love.......so sweet. thank you....

[Sindu]

That's cute! And simple.. pure
It's same flow of thoughts many a time in romantic poems but this feels good. Got a happy vibe to it.
Liked it :)

[Sanjh]

Oh thank god, most of my friend feel that it's another one of my sad writings. I told them it has that happy vibe but no one agreed. Thank you so much Sindu...:)

[Sindu]

Haha.. did they now? :P Nah.. this is not sad at all.. Almost like his face hurts from smiling too much and high on energy like consumed loads of coffee and chocolate :D

[Sanjh]

hahahah, maybe they will understand it now...:)

[Sindu]

Haha I'm great at explainations ;)

[Eleanor]

Again you wrote a beautiful and emotional piece of writing. The way you describe "her" every feature is so sweet.
Shows the writers wanting for her. How much he's in love and his heart is already hers.
Loved this one too :) Keep up the good work!

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much for appreciating...:)

[Khyati]

your hair is dark as night... is a wrong statement
It should be your hair are dark as night.
I love the way you describe that girl in this poem. She seems so beautiful ^_^

[Sanjh]

Thank you Khyati...:)