Closer To The Edge

 

Strong winds blowing,

Particles of teasing and bulling.

Filled the atmosphere.

 

Standing so close to the edge,

But yet, so far away.

She struggles to stay away.

 

The winds current gains strength.

Stronger and stronger,

The one and only thought:

Do not go near.

 

The wind echos,

Mimicking, criticism, and slander.

 She hears it all around her.

 

Tiresome and worn,

The mixed feelings of

Emptiness, and peer pressure,

The strength of the wind pushes

Her closer to the edge.

 

She hear whispers and laughter,

Behind her.

Wherever she turned,

The sounds of whispers and laughter,

Came back to haunt her.

 

Pushed closer and closer,

To the edge.

The vision of their faces,

Brings a sudden pressure;

I just want them to like me.

 

Jumping down, was a thought.

Below her, nothing but pitch black.

Fall for eternity.

 

The fear builds within her,

Vision and memory come back to her,

Of past misunderstanding, and mistakes

She feels a sudden sharp pain in her side.

A gust of wind blew, pushing her over the edge.

 

Holding on to the edge with sweaty hands,

Her fingers start to slip. 

How did she get here, she thought.

Her left hand slipped.

With all her strength, she tried to reach back,

Hope of saving her self, but lost

Hold with her other hand…

 

She opens her eye, to find herself

In a hospital room full of those familiar faces.

Author's Note

This is new, im not too happy with it yet. What do you thinK?

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

Ooh. I like the interplay between the metaphorical "edge" and the literal edge of the cliff. You tend to switch tenses a little, though ("Holding on to the edge with sweaty hands,/Her fingers start to slip./How did she get here, she thought./Her left hand slipped." First you have "start to slip" (present tense) and then "slipped" (past tense). To stick to one you would have to say "her fingers were starting to slip" or "her left hand slips." Something like that). Also, you have a spot where you say "she hear whispers and laughter" which should be "she hears." (Or, if you go with past tense, "she heard"). Very interesting piece: I can't wait to see what it's like after some revision!

[Pointblank]

To me it seems she awoke to family and friends. The very people that sometimes hurt us the most and we can't really get a break from. I like it.
I wouldn't change anything except the spelling of bully-ing. Don't know..I think I would have said being bullied. Well done.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

I found this composition both profound and compassionately written. Outside influences, of a harmful nature, can threaten our very being; both fear and foreboding entrap our mindset and enslave us to negative thought. When a set of group dynamics; that is, when a 'clique' of individuals pressure a person to do something he or she wouldn't normally do, even greater self harm can pursue.

A vivid and emotional write, that needs no alterations.

God's Blessing
Phillozofee

[wizthom]

too close to ledge yet too afraid to step back from the edge ,
confused lost and found,did she awake to find herself in heaven,or was it just a bad dream turned nightmare.it's a good write why? leaves whom ever reads it to draw own ending,
not what i think that matters good write but dislike it meaning..peace wizthom

[Travis Lawrence]

I love it, Sandra! What use of metaphor, the winds of those around push us to places we don't want to be, and then we wonder whether we are in control at all.

"The fear builds within her,
Vision and memory come back to her,
Of past misunderstanding, and mistakes
She feels a sudden sharp pain in her side.
A gust of wind blew, pushing her over the edge."

I know this, all too well, that sharp pain that comes from memories that ellicit guilt, embarrassment, regret, or any other painful emotion. It hurts but the trick is to let go of that pain as quickly as it comes. I've been practicing meditation lately, and whenever something like this comes up, I take deep breaths and remind myself that breathing is the only thing that matters at that instant. It really does help once I convinced myself of it.

I'd say, revise it if you feel the need, but don't do anything too drastic, it's already quite excellent, keep up the good work!

-Travis

[An owl on the moon]

I went through deep depression for many years and these feelings you describe haunted me for so long. This is a very poweful write and I'm glad the ending has hope!!! Thank you!!!!!!