Glint

Trying out poetry based on a character I'm developing for a book.

In a crowded narrow place
I step to your adjacent
Note the studied hand placement
Bathed in shadow
I allow a grin

And then let it fall
When the metal did a-glint

Author's Note

Just a bit of fun, but serious critique is still welcome. In the add poem section I laid out the words in an interesting way,but it shows up after lined up again. Anyone know how to fix this?

Reviews

[Vria P Crow]

Characterization can be a pain in the tushy, my friend!

"metal did a-glint"

This line was my favorite line since it is a little impish like you, dearie!

"crowded narrow place"

SETTING: Claustrophobia: mall, bedroom, attic, cavern, tunnel, club, bar

CHARACTER: "i": first person perspective

SUGGESTION: Place it in third person because it allows a plethora of possibilities. However, you could also go all Dostoevsky on me like in "Notes from the Underground" since the reader can connect to the narrator as themselves.

Overall, I enjoyed this little poem. I often to the same thing to get some thoughts out like a struggling orgasm :P

Nice work!

sincerely,
ria

[Samuel Jack]

Yes I'm very impish, I think it's my half English, half Irish mongrel blood. I'm a paradox you see.

I've experimented with first person for my assassin character "Stas', but it's doing my head in!
Third person looks so delicious right now.

And lastly, I'm afraid I can't relate to the struggling orgasms, I think that may be a female phenomena :)

Great review madhead

[Vria P Crow]

HAHA The Irish are beautiful. I am attracted to the stereotypical red heads, to be honest. However, I'm only attracted to red haired women.

We are all paradoxes.

I am Native American along with Anglo-Saxon.

natural blond hair
green eyes
blond hair

Stas sounds intriguing! Third person is commonly the best because you get to describe your character much better. I use to use first person, and I began to despise the character since I struggled with Characterization since my characters are based of real people.

HAHA Struggling orgasms only happen when the man does not please me. :)

Thank you, Sam!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I think it the formatting has to do with the interface here. I always format in Word and then copy and paste into this interface and it keeps my formatting...worth a try.

Favorite part, the last lines...where the "metal did a-glint"--clever and classical use of the phrase. I'm somewhat disturbed seeing as how it is beyond midnight and I'm reading about glinting knives, but... :) Well done.

[Samuel Jack]

Yeah, the old ipad is not up to scratch in regards to processing words.

Don't worry, I'm writing from my characters perspective :)

Thanks for the review.

[Traci]

You never fail to disappoint my friend. Even your short pieces are very well written, nice imagery, open for interpretation.

I am looking forward to reading your assassin piece, and I think this would be a great addition.

[Samuel Jack]

Thank you very much.

I've just published part one of chapter one of my assassin fantasy novel "the not quite right"

[Traci]

My pleasure. I read part of it, then work interrupted, lol...was very impressed with what I've read so far, will review once I finish.

[one sky]

Oh, the voice is someone trying to put himself in the best position for his victim. Nice presentation here.

The easiest way in making your poems creative as what you like is to encode it in Microsoft Office Word with that style, then just copy and paste it in the add poem section.

[Samuel Jack]

Yeah, it's a simple poem, just a little experiment. Gracias for the review Amiga.

I'm on an iPad, limited options, I'll figure it out :)

[one sky]

Oh, I see. Just try to explore other options.

[Betty]

Wow, short and sweet. I liked it very much Sam.

[Samuel Jack]

Thank you, I'll have longer action scenes soon.

[Parsimony]

I like the twist to this.

[Samuel Jack]

Thanks,more assassin poetry on the way.

[Katiya K]

Woah, I got goose bumps as I read the last few lines! This is exactly what I would imagine an assassin feeling as they go in for a kill..haha. I love how its short and sweet leaving a lot of room for the reader to experiment with how they would view the imagery you presented! Great poem and I hope you will include it in your book! Also, I think you can just copy and past your poem with its arrangements from a word document and it should be the same when you past it onto writer's cafe?

[Samuel Jack]

Great! That's what I was going for. I probably won't include it in the book, but who knows.
Thanks for the enthusiastic review Katiya.
I'm on an iPad, so I'll have to look for a word processor for it.
You've given me some good reviews and i'd like to return the favour.....so your gonna have to get to work on chapter 3 my dear!

[Katiya K]

Oh nooo!! I definitely got to get to work haha >.< and you're welcome I'm just glad I could help a fellow writer out!