Looming moon Haiku

A presence is sensed

dark shadow falls over me

the moon is looming

Author's Note

Thanks to all the people giving me tips on Japanese structures. I've edited this to fit 5-7-5 senyru form. Special thanks too Rita, as this is your version :) More originals on the way!

Reviews

[Vria P Crow]

This is lovely, my friend! I have always had a soft spot for Nature poetry because of its raw beauty. The writer has set an ominous mood, indeed.

What is this presence? Is it threatening?

Subjectively, the term "dark shadow" is portrayed as a stalker of the night. "Looming moon" is an open ended poem. I imagine the narrator running away from something, but he is uncertain as to what it is; something human or something supernatural.

[Aethereal]

Why not have the moon do much more than that ?

The moon's amber arms
reach down from the midnight sky
taking me away.

[Samuel Jack]

Cause that would be a whole different poem Aeth lol

why do you always review my poems with a poem better than mine!? :)

[MidnightBlood]

This a very dark, shadowy poem which suits my taste. I like it! To me, I see it as, someone walking through the night alone and they sense someone following them in other words a presence. Suddenly a dark shadow falls over him. It looks as if the dark shadow wants to control him. Me and my weird imaginations! Anyway your haiku sends many great creepy dark scenarios through my mind...It's very good! Keep up the good job!!!!

[Angi]

I only recently started writing haiku and senryu. This is excellent. Imagery is good, gives me an almost creepy feeling. Angi~

[Samuel Jack]

Thanks that's what I wanted to convey, looming over your shoulder at shadows.

[Frieda P]

Love this one, so much emotion packed into it...nice Haiku Samuel.

[Samuel Jack]

Thank you, only with the help of others did it truly flourish though, I can take full credit.

[Katiya K]

I love haiku's and this is the first one that I've found on writerscafe! How can that be?

Haiku's are such a beautiful beautiful thing and especially when one looks between the lines of each stanza.

I enjoyed how ominous these seems! The moon is a powerful substance in all mythology and folklore and although it is quite beautiful it can also be quite dangerous. I loved how as I read through this haiku I almost felt as though I was in the moons shadow. This was definitely not something short and sweet haha.

You are a great poet and that's why I'm so enthusiastic!

[Samuel Jack]

Your enthusiasm is infectious, I'm drawing up plans for my assassin novel. I'll message you the details,I don't want the ideas public yet.
I've only just got into haiku(s?) but it's really fun to create something big with little.

[Katiya K]

Mwahaha!!! One of my dream goals is to inspire people and I'm glad it's beginning to be a success! Please do message me! I am quite excited to see your take on assassins!

Oops, I just noticed that I kept on typeing Haiku's, please ignore my terrible grammar mistake.
Yes I agree, I agree! It really grasps one's attention and since it is so short it leaves a lasting effect, in my opinion.

[Sami Khalil]

Awesome...:)..............

[Samuel Jack]

Thank you, your review was short and sweet like a haiku!

[Sami Khalil]

Good stuff...You are welcome...:)

[DCT ponderings]

Yes Yes that's it. Much better. I like it a lot!

[Samuel Jack]

Special thanks to Rita for giving me the 5-7-5 version.

[Zahra]

Cool, you've done a great job? One thing, doesn't the first line has 6 syllables?

[Samuel Jack]

Not sure dude, I tend not to count them, not in the habit yet. But I suppose Japan won't be too happy if I go round besmirching Their techniques. I will eventually fully stick to 5-7-5.

[Sirius King]

has a creepy feeling to it, but great images


good one!

[Samuel Jack]

Thanks dude. I'm still refining the Japanese styles