Defined vices

Humanity again, my soap box is rather worn these days.

I've heard that mans defined by his vices
They say "Life offers much more, a variety of spices"

True you can be trapped
Cornered with Grasp blocked
Longing eyes can't, wont help
A finality closing in
A Heavy draped cloak

Those longing eyes won't help
I've heard humans have things in common
I've heard they will pull up a fellow down
I've heard of kind words used with intention
Would you believe?
I've even heard of softened, unblooded men

But I've yet to squint these
Iris's a-fire, pleasured pupils

When have longing eyes pryed open,
A movement of a soul or at least, please
Some kind words with intention

You can't say it's there but never show me a proof
A screen is no truth

Im wanting for human contact
Senses a-fire

Human kindness and hope
I name you liar

Author's Note

This is a rough poem, made at 3.am........

So help me to put it right please

Reviews

[Aethereal]

I'd just say that this poem at its base considers one of the most common problems of modern society, the problem of indifference. Most human interactions are done through mechanical or monitory third parties these day. Human beings don't actually touch each other anymore. You could either get a disease or get sued if you do that. We may as well be brains locked inside of a computer void of bodies. This is a really great theme for a poem. This might be one reason why many people are lured by dancing, wrestling, and martial arts.

[Samuel Jack]

Right on track Aeth as always. Excellent review thank you

[ANTO]

I enjoyed it me old china.
Its hard to write with such honesty - to reveal yourself but brave and commendable. Your thirst for knowledge is matched only by your enthusiam. Would like more like this mate.
Peace

[Samuel Jack]

Thank you, I'm still learning. This site is a good place to grow. Cheers for the support dude.

[ANTO]

YVW - glad to see you mate. Defo learning a lot here - its a veritable dojo for our poetic mojo..lol

[Betty]

I found this poetry quit fascinating .....perhaps the obscure message is what encited me the most. Your depiction of the human complexity is quite thorough. I could more than relate to your point . Haven't we all been battered by the pretense of those whose kind words we once trusted . That's why I love my dogs to death. Authentic emotions.

[Samuel Jack]

Thank you very much, it is something that plays on my mind, but I do worry about being condescending. Glad you enjoyed the poem.

[Rita L. Sev]

Humanity can be such a disappointment - love the line "a screen is no truth..." So true.

While I try to see the good in all, I know that your final line is all too often the case - human kindness and hope are lies we are taught to keep from seeing reality.
Good, thought-provoking write!

[Samuel Jack]

Maybe my expectations are too high Rita, I was raised by my mother and grandparents, old school values were instilled early on for me, I left the homestead to discover a barbaric world :(

[writer in trial]

i analyze in this way that:
you can never know what's the actual intention hidden within a human being. though it seems good and you started expecting a lot from them, but the truth is, something else. something wicked is going inside them. you will try to scrutinize people from all the sides with an expectation to see at least one of his honest sides, but its really hard to visualize this. Your eyes may cheat you. You may find someone honest, but in reality he wraps a thick layer of wickedness around which your eyes may fail to recognize.

I hope i got it right :)

[Samuel Jack]

wow you went deeper on it than me! very perceptive, dont worry about getting poems right, I see them as artwork, people ssee different things reflected back at themselves. thanks for the in depth review. looking forward to your next story. Im at work and dont have my Hindi phrasebook on me today sorry.

[writer in trial]

Thanks:)
I was actually missing something in your comments. Where are the Hindi words?? :Dread moreThanks:)
I was actually missing something in your comments. Where are the Hindi words?? :D
Ok.
koi gal nahi.(not a problem) :D

[Samuel Jack]

yeah, ive got a phrasebook on my ipad at home, but at work i have to jump on a pc quick in my break. hold on, ill ask the old dude in the gym.........................Apna khayal rakhna,Aap khubsoorat hain! Aapka samuel Jack

[writer in trial]

ha ha. that's so sweet :)
Shukriya Samuel
Aap bhi bahut acche ho. :)

[Frieda P]

Wow this certainly reads 'disillusioned' by mankind, you threw it out there with target aim and lobbed us all on the head, much musing here that makes perfect sense, your soapbox is right on the money, and I'll be pondering this one for quite some time, excellent read!

[Samuel Jack]

Exactly, I do mope about wishing people were better, it's a shame I'm not religious I'm sure I'd find some solace there, but I rely to much on my own senses to fully let go. I'm very happy that you enjoyed the poem, but more so you understood it, ahhhhhhhhhh human contact :)

[Frieda P]

I understood it because I've lived among the emotionless people that won't stand up for what's right and just, it's so much easier to be complacent I suppose, and you're most welcome! :)

[Traci]

This poem was so much more than just a rant, Samuel. I found it to be very thought provoking, capturing your thoughts, and desires for the good in humanity wonderfully.

Im wanting for human contact
Senses a-fire

Human kindness and hope
I name you liar

Very strong words, a nice ending!

[Samuel Jack]

Wow thank you, I didn't think this poem would receive these kind of reviews, but I'm still getting used to being in contact with creative people (even though a screen is no truth!!) haha, great review thank you

[Traci]

My pleasure. This was written from the heart, strong values and views. Your willingness to write and express is appreciated, and admired. Again great job, looking forward to reading more of your work.

[Casner P]

Your voice is always so strong in your poetry, good stuff here my friend!

[Samuel Jack]

Thank you, it's always nice to know that it isn't just viewed as a rant lol

[DCT ponderings]

Okay so the first two I'ves and the last I'm are missing the apostrophe. :) Must have been sipping your coffee.

So I agree it needs some tweaking. After reading it it feels to me like he yearns to believe in the good of humanity and has heard tales that it exists but has yet to place his own longing eyes on such things. Am I on track?

Our vices are simply the errors we make in search of happiness these unfortunately can become our sins. So would the variety of spices life offers be the temptation?

Is this what you hit to in the next stanza. It made me think of death. Was this your intention? Or just the slippery road of giving in to vice?

He yearns for it, to make connection with kindness, has hope for humanity, but can’t find the proof.
I love the following lines.

I’m wanting for human contact
Senses a-fire

Human kindness and hope
I name you liar

So I have some ideas but want to know if I am interpreting what you are wanting to communicate first.

[Samuel Jack]

Your pretty much there, to think cruelly is such an easy vice for people, and I do find myself yearning for more happy human encounters. Will edit the grammatical mistakes, cheers :)

[DCT ponderings]

So true. People seem to be less and less connected. Kindness has fallen to the way side. No wonder people seem so alone.

[Sirius King]

Im wanting for human contact
Senses a-fire

Human kindness and hope
I name you liar


This is strong!

[Samuel Jack]

Cheers dude, I still feel like this one could be refined, but the poems you blast out your brain at full speed always seem to be closer to the sentiment you want to convey. Thanks for the review