Views askew

A little poem on unbalanced world views.

View the world through a tainted lens
Watch the truth, see how it bends
Can it be defined?

Well that depends
We're you raised by animals and ignorant friends?

Or an empathetic mind with careful plans?
Who taught you of exotic people in far off lands,
All smiling in glory, singing and holding hands

Neither of these approaches will do
Both are blinded by beliefs,
That stunt the growth of a whole thinking you

You'll walk the land stumbling
For your view is askew

Balance is the key

In all things we do

Author's Note

I'd be interested in what people with any kind of formal poetry education think, I am but a peasant who's picked up the pen :)

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Balance indeed... I think that so many fail to remember this small, seemingly innocuous tidbit of information. We are not simply a summation of our upbringing, we are a combination of all the things that we have experienced.

Technically: I like the concept of the piece, and you do well by poetic standards to introduce your questions early in this one. You have used a lot of description, though you could possibly use a little more tangible "imagery'. As for the flow, this is free verse so there is no need to count beats or syllables, but it is a good idea to keep the lines in relative form with those around them. Take the 4th stanza, for instance, that chopped line in the center sort of breaks the flow of the preceeding and proceeding lines. Overall, though, I think you've done a nice job here.

[Samuel Jack]

Yes it definitely needs a bit of jigging about. Thank you for the technical review, something I crave.

[DCT ponderings]

It is rare to find a soul not preconditioned in life whether by nurture or nature. Balance is the key indeed.

I am not experienced by any means to make technical suggestions. I was a performance art major so I often find the rhythm in my pieces by speaking them out loud, especially free verse. I have to hear them to know if I've found their cadence. This is how I would reorder this beautiful write of yours.

View the world through a tainted lens
Watch the truth, see how it bends
Can it be defined?

Well that depends

We're you raised by animals and ignorant friends?
Or an empathetic mind with careful plans?
Who taught you of exotic people in far off lands,
All smiling in glory, singing and holding hands

Neither of these approaches will do

Both are blinded by beliefs that stunt
the growth of a whole thinking you
walking the land stumbling
For your view is askew

Balance is the key
In all things we do

[Samuel Jack]

Yes, i keep meaning to rework this poem, as its one of my personal favorites. Thanks for the indepth review.

[DCT ponderings]

It is a fabulous one SJ.

[Parsimony]

This is definitely an interactive and thoughtful poem. It will go nicely in my library collection.

[Samuel Jack]

Thank you, I'm going to edit it slightly soon I think.

[ANTO]

Very wise indeed Samuel. I like this Zen-like quality to your writing and the advice is also on the mark as is the read. Clever of you also to use a picture of yourself at 90 degrees to illustrate the sentiment of the piece.
I stumbled once on the word 'thinking' and it would work without it since a thinking you is part of a whole you - what do you think?
Overall its a great poem and I would happily read a book of such poems on a nice quiet cove or hilltop.

[Samuel Jack]

Thanks for the praise and critique. That one part of the poem has plagued me from the start. I will reconsider its wording. Thanks again.

[ANTO]

Yer welcome mate. :)

[Bryan_Himmel]

I will start it off by saying I am just a humble dabbler in writing myself, but I there was flow, and it was well written, I enjoyed it. The meaning behind it was also a great one especially in this day in age.

[Samuel Jack]

Thank you very much, most of my poems are observations of human behaviour.