Stain

The story of death

The ending of a life is the worst kind of death.

Your world comes to an end when they breathe their last breath.

You wake up the next day and the world flies past you;

You struggle to keep up because the past has grasped you.

Why should you live when they lay in the ground,

What hope have you lost,

What joy can be found?

You wish it was you,

who froze,

instead of they;

At least they’re free,

when you have hell to pay.

The world is more dreary when their soul has fled,

Your own soul grows weary, your own strength is dead.

But come a few years when you come back to life,

You discover new hope in spite of the strife.

You begin to forget 

Though the memories remain 

The old clothes you have on contain a single stain.

Author's Note

Please comment. I accept any sort of constructive criticism! Thank you!

Reviews

[KTizzle]

Ultimately, I felt like this poem could have been stretched out and more connected. For example here, "What hope have you lost,/What joy can be found?/ You wish it was you," What does it mean to lose hope or joy. Does dying mean these feelings die as well? What does having hell to pay mean?

I felt you could have connected these lines, "who froze,/instead of they;/ At least they’re free," I felt you could have extended the metaphor of freezing to being free."

I really liked the first line and the last couple of lines. I liked that you laid out the poem to talk about the death of other things besides just the ending of a life. This line, "You discover new hope in spite of the strife" gives a redemptive quality to it. I just wish it was extended more.

Thanks for posting!

[PortraitsOfTheHeart]

I understand where you are coming from, but I have to disagree. Sure, this poem could be extended, just like any poem really, and more ideas could be added. But I feel as if I said everything I wanted to say already. Those two lines you mention are already connected, in fact, the whole poem is connected. If I explain to much, then the reader would not have to do any work. Thank you though for the criticism!

[KTizzle]

Understandable! You're welcome.

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

That is the beauty of life. Yes few stains are hard to wash away from life. Nice poem, keep writing.

[PortraitsOfTheHeart]

Thank you so much!

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Welcome my friend.