Childhood Bliss

A women is a sex trafficker and one day she wonders how she ever got to where she was.

Sirens fill the air as the winds shift erratically, time square booms with traffic and people moving every which way. Televisions and signs send pictures and colors across the street making it shimmer like the stars on a cool winter’s night. I stand in the middle of it all looking up at the mega-tron TV. Wrapping the white mink coat tighter around myself trying to block out the cold. Tonight is the 1^st of December and 28 years ago today I was born to that drunken mess I call my mother. I have gone down the same path, the path of my father. Dealing in drugs and sex making a living by selling people. I am the best, everyone who is anyone comes to me for their toys. I have the best and the cleanest girls, making sure they are healthy before I sell them. My heart is frozen like the black ice on the road, making it that much easier to do my job.

            I get to our warehouse were the girls are kept a new batch just came in, I like to inspect each one personally to ensure my reputation is not tainted. I sit at a table and have the girl’s line up, calling them up one by one expecting them and getting blood. They all look the same these days’ girls between the ages of 12 to 18, I don’t go lower than that it’s a personal choice.

            As I call girl after girl they blur into one, soon only one remains and I call her name. She walks up to shoulders back eyes forward no fear in her eyes only darkness. I stare at her face freckles go down across her nose down onto her cheeks, she looks younger than she is giving off a child essence. Her eyes and face remind me of my past, memories of my childhood pop up and I am helpless to stop them.

            When I was a kid I would look up at the sky and wonder if I was truly alone, or was someone looking back at me. I would look up and ask the man on the moon to take me away to save me from this life of misery and greed. When my mother was drunk which was in those days every day, I would go outside my window onto the roof of the patio deck. Plopping down curling my knees into my stomach arms hugging tightly trying to give myself some love and warmth. My eyes pointed to the sky as it shimmers like confetti in the air. I begin to count the stars and make up stories for each one. Taking me away for just a moment but a moment is all I ask. I talk with the moon and the sky wondering if they could help me fly. The moon begins to move I hope it’s moving for me to grab me up like a giant holds jack in the bean stock ready to take me away. But it just dips down behind the trees lighting the ends of the horizon until tomorrow. When I finally hear my mother go to sleep I stand up exhale my last hopes and dreams letting them float to the abyss of life and head back inside. But I glance back watching as my soul drifts out into the world like leafs on a windy fall day. Never to see it again as I once did as a child.

This girl reminded me of myself a helpless child, wanting the love of someone anyone really. I don’t know why I feel like this, I’m losing my edge. Maybe I just need some time off, I’m probably just tired. I can’t stop staring at her, her innocents and beauty bring the feelings back, but why now I don’t understand.

An alarm goes off people scramble about, the screams and cries of girls fill the corridors. I am still stuck in place as thoughts rummage through my soul, and I ask myself.

Who am I?