I Choose you

Someone in you're attractive, the reason I choose you

This isn't surprising I was decided for you

Perhaps you still unaware of  this fact

Perhaps you're someone specialty, so I choose you

You were dreaming  of my life at once time

Now I see my great future of you 

We promise to collect happiness of life together

When I pick a moment of happiness's in life for you

When you concentrate yourself to get the same

I collect many happiness for you in this life

You share with the time for me when I need the same

You are the great surprise of my life

I keep maintaining your happiness in whole the life

Thus  the drawback of the life I choose you 

 

Reviews

[I Am Svetlana]

The line "We promise to collect happiness of life together" really summed up this piece. It's always such a new start, a new adventure when we grab the courage to choose someone new to focus our life upon. Yet, the future will remain a mystery until you take time to sort out every detail & goal. Be patient with new love, any kind of love...if you try to rush into it, it can end up in quite a disaster. But learn to be honest with your feelings, expressing them & taking them on a new type of ride. Hope you find your happiness!

[/s/Melyssa Ramos]

This one is very sweet,I think you have a beautiful heart

[Jorge Peppertrees]

Wow, that moment when you realize you are all in with someone, working together and for each other, comes across strongly. It can be scary to commit to someone so thoroughly, but pure confidence comes through.

[Annie Gryphon]

nice poem with rhythm and sound, please continue!

[Ayushi Beura]

Wow...so nic, I really appreciate your thoughts and respect your feelings, so well decorated some beautiful words.

[Celie Rose]

Lovely poem. Thoughts are well expressed. There are a few spelling errors and the use of the comma between each thought will help. Lastly, be careful to put a period after each sentence. Overall your poem is nicely written. Keep writing!

Critique:
(Someone in you're attractive, the reason I choose you)
There is someone I'm attracted to,
this is the reason that I choose you.

(this isn't surprising I was decided for you)
This is no surprise, I was decided for you.

(Perhaps you still unaware about this fact)
Maybe you are unaware about this fact.

(Perhaps you're someone specialty, so I choose you)
Perhaps you are someone special, so I choose you.

(You were dreaming of my life at once time)
You were dreaming of my life at one time.

[Polly]

This is such a sweet poem! It does remind me of sweet relationships and the strive to bring happiness to your significant other. Good job. :)

[Praminka]

written quite nicely with attempt to bring forth the charm of a relation