Yearnings of the heart

Natalie

Okay, so that is just the worst news ever. I cannot believe it. It's not true, it can't be. I am not engaged, am I? Surely I would remember something like that right? Especially, if I am supposed to be in love with this man. 

"Natalie love, are you okay? Can you say something?" Ask my mum as she places her hands on my shoulders and bends down to take a look at my face.

My body feels numb, tears pricking my eyes and breathing shallow. I take a deep breath to help steady myself and lick my dry lips. Mum reaches up and brushes strands of hand back from face tucking it behind my ear. I look up at her face and her mouth does a small smile on the left side.

"Natalie sweetie, it is okay you can ask anything you want?"  Mum prompts not sure of my reaction.

I hesitate before saying "If I have a fiance then why haven't I seen him since I came back?"

"You will see him very soon love he just did not want to overwhelm you whilst you were settling back in at home"

"When?" I ask feeling a deep knot of nausea take root in my stomach. "When will I see him?"

"Tomorrow he is taking you out tomorrow sweetheart he thinks now is the time for you to meet him"

"Oh"  Is all i can respond. I have no idea what to say. 

Mum reaches out a hand rest her palm on my cheek.

"I know it is a lot to take in Natalie so just take your time with this no-one is expecting anything from you. You look a bit pale and tired sweetheart, why don't you go and rest for a while." Mum says before pulling me forward onto a brief hug. Then she stands up and walks off to the kitchen.

I manage to stand and walk up the stairs to my bedroom though my legs feel shaky and drained of energy. As I walk up the stairs past the pictures on the wall I cannot help but notice the contrast between me and the girl in the photographs who is supposed to be me. Mum still looks the same. A kind heart shaped face with catlike green eyes and lips painted a brilliant ruby red and finished with mahogany shoulder length hair. As for me I am the one who has changed that is for sure. I have gone from sweet blonde-brown hair curly at the ends down to my waist to a fierce red-brown colour no longer resting at waist yet longer than where my shoulders sit. My arms and legs are more toned and I have a darker sun kissed complexion bringing out a handful of freckles across my nose.

I reach my bedroom door twist the hand to open the door. I close the door behind me and cross the small distance to my bed. I lie down on my right side closing my eyes. Those hands so familiar tracing patterns on my arms. A warm sensation sweeps over my body like wildfire. The areas on my arms still tingle from his touch moments ago. Those same hands are strong enough to kill a man get gentle at the same time. 

"What are you thinking?" 

His lips next to my ear. I can feel his breath on my skin. My heart races faster. His voice so low, a growl. I turn ever so slowly wanting to memorise the features of his face. As I look into his eyes I blink a few time before my eyes open dragging me back to a dull reality that I would rather not face. I close my eyes again and see his smile, the crinkle round his eyes feel the warmth of his breath and smell his mint soap washed hair. I can feel his heartbeat beneath my hand on his chest. I fall asleep losing my self completely.