the deepest evening

 

evening was an open wound

we drank, the marrow

dark like something else

familiar and violent.

like I wish I could sing

a song for you like a smile

across your neck

and be fuller for it’s drinking

(wishful thinking).

I wish I had a poem for you

from back when we were

careful what and how we sang –

and wrote and offcourse,

for whom. Could we piece

this deepest of evenings together

as if it were the darkest of flesh

and make it Frankenstein?

until life developed a life of its own,

moving under its own

weight/ inertia?

            outside, the terrace vines

slither in wetness, inside,

walls wept passionfruit flowers

sweet as your fingers

dissolving in my mouth.

 

 

 

4 Tuesday 2000

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

Your imagery is gorgeous; you paint an beautiful and detailed picture with your words while still carrying volumes of emotion to your readers. I only have two comments, and they're both pretty minor: first, in the line "and be fuller for it's drinking" do you mean that "the smile across your neck" is drinking? Because in that case it should be a possessive its, without the apostrophe. If it is meant to say "fuller for it is drinking" then it would probably help to put a comma after "fuller" to make this more apparent. Second, the whole part about "piecing together the deepest of evenings" is really evocative, but the comparison to Frankenstein throws it all off for me. It's a common misconception, but Frankenstein is actually the doctor who created the monster, not the monster himself, so as cool as that metaphor is, it doesn't ring true to me. You could probably fix this (understandable) error by simply adding "monster" to the end of the line: "and make it like Frankenstein's monster?" I know that that seems to throw off the tone, though, so I'm not quite sure what you would do about it. Sorry! (I know it's really nitpicky of me to mention that, but I'm an English major and I just read Frankenstein last semseter...)

Despite my minimal critiques, this is an incredibly well-written piece. Fantastic job!

[MS. BABy]

awesome, you paint words into life...I am so becoming a fan

[Emily B]

I keep reading the lines again and again. It's a story, a snapshot and a painting all in one. And if it isn't of the Happily ever after fairy tale variety, then it is all the more striking for its depth and truth.