DoL Part Four

chapter four

I remember, the first time I felt pain. It was horrible, it burned my body and left me feeling pathetic. My muscles didn't want to cooperate, my mind couldn't wrap around it and I couldn't breath. All I could do was lie there and whimper in Payne. I called it Payne, but I don't know why. Payne was such a pretty name, my new traveling companion had called herself Payne. She'd stuck herself to my back pointing out things that I wouldn't have noticed my first time through an area.
I had first thought she was a wonderful companion, gentle and loving. But she's called herself Payne, and I hadn't hurt or felt pain until after I met her. I was walking quietly through the serene spring forest and she was perched on my shoulder and was pointing out the newest creature when I stepped on a thorn. I cried out horrified by the feeling it created. I had never felt that way before. It was not a nice feeling. I fell to the ground writhing in Payne and asked her why. Why had she done it to me? Where had she come from?
She told me, 'I come from a world far from here. Far on the other side of the forest you were so content to explore all winter and continue all spring. There are other places out there, dearest companion. I was released by a foolish human. Among other things like disease and destruction and death and mortality. I was set free by a foolish human so beautiful was she and so naive and disobedient of her gods! She opened the box!' and now Payne did laugh, a contorted twisted chuckle. 'Her name is Pandora and her box is so pretty. She tried to stop us, to shut the box but it was too late and now you have been plagued by my special gift. You learn the reason for my name! The way of my name! For I am Payne and I am your end!' She buzzed and laughed that contorted laugh, her wild little moth like wings burning and stirring the air as the fanned with an insane beat. I hated her, a new emotion I had never felt before, and what a rush it was!
'I am Hate!' a new voice tickles my ears and I lunge to my feet snapping at Payne ignoring my paw and it's heavy bleeding. I snap my jaws tight around her and crush her, what a rush it was! 'No!' She squeals. 'Don't kill me! If you kill me-' but I did not listen to the rest of her words and a new voice, a third voice, kissed me. 'I am wrath.' A fourth 'I am bloodlust.'
- - - From the Pages of the Diary of Life

"Un." I sit up and blink struggling to move my arms properly, to stretch my body. Pain seared through me and I moan and fall back against those scrumptious pillows snuggling tight into them under the warm sheets trying to ignore the sudden intense throbbing in my body. A hand brushes my hair from my face gently. I open one eye against the bright as though I had a migraine and could not see. Samuel was leaning over me gently stroking me like a favorite dog.

"Your awake, good. We almost lost you..." He says gently sitting down next to me. I sit up moaning in pain but refuse to lay down. Woops, stubborn me!

"That'll smart later." I moan and sigh at the same time. An entertaining sound. He laughs.
"I think it already smarts... Ramses... Ramses says to tell you thank you. If you had not run to him and taken that wolf down he would surely be dead. He also says, he owes you not only for his life but for the life of his son because had you not thrown Rheese aside the chestnut would too have been killed." Samuel smiles at my grimace.

"It was no big deal. I reacted to danger the same way I always do, kill first questions later."
"Even if that means the questions will be from others to you? Even if that means you end up trapped and hanging by chains? Oh yes, I saw your nightmare. That was him, wasn't it? That voice out there on that hill." I look away from him for a minute before nodding.

"Yes." I say quietly not looking at him. He looks away as well, the tension eased just a little bit. It was awkward having him stare at me like that... like he was expecting something. Like he was about to bow down to me.

"You called to me... so I came. I was not coming until later, but you reached out and pulled me." He says quietly. I turn to stare at him. I had? "I rushed from my home, calling the battle cry of my people. My warriors came to me, they ran with me to your aid. Never have I answered a call for aid in battle from an enemy. Never have my people been reached by your people like that..." He paused for a long time and just sat there looking away from me before finally continuing.

"I was terrified that I would not get there in time. That you would be dead or stolen. When we arrived and I saw that demon holding you, I couldn't stand it. I had to kill him, I felt this rush of rage. The stench was awful, it burned my lungs. I can still smell it, see it. Those eerie green eyes staring at me. I came as close to you as I could. And you saw me. Your voice, it was so horribly weak. You were so scared and hurt.

"You hadn't realized you'd reached out to me for help. You were hurting, bad, and bleeding something awful. That beast bit you harder with each step I drew towards you, but I couldn't ignore that call. You... it was like your soul was tugging on mine. Azraella, you summoned me to your aid without meaning to. You begged me for help with just your soul. He let you go after that voice... that voice... it was horrible. It burned my ears and the stench was so strong I couldn't see. But I could at the same time.

"I couldn't look away from you two. I didn't react to the pain that voice caused in my ears. It was deafening and horrifying. I wanted to writhe and scream in pain like the others did, but I didn't, I stood and waited for it to release you. You screamed in pain again as it bit and I lunged and it was gone and I was catching you." I look away unable to breath, what he was describing. Oh god, what he was saying! He looks at me finally, I felt his eyes burning into me. I look at him and he was suddenly too close. A whimper of panic and confusion escaped me and I struggled away from him. The pain in his eyes!

"I... didn't! You're wrong! I'm not... we can't..." I gasp in pain and he was there catching me before I could fall from the bed. His arms holding me up against his broad chest. He nuzzles me gently. "Are you... sure? You're... positive? It... can't be a mistake?" I ask desperate for it to not be true.

"I'm sure." He whispers letting me gently down onto the pillows again. "I'm positive... Azraella, you're in danger. You're my mate, and I'm going to protect you."
 "Don't, don't say that. Don't say I am... not now. Please. Pleas don't say we... we... it can't be. It's impossible!"

"It's not, there are no laws in our world, our blood that say we cannot be soul mates to those outside our packs, or those within the opposing pack." He whispers gently stroking my hair again. I stare at him, he was right. He was absolutely right. I cry, silently and curl against him. "I was... I was going to talk to you about it... that night... and then that morning... you called me. So many times when we were pups and you were desperate for help, protection, and Ramses could not find you.

"When you were in that alley so long ago, when you were fourteen, you were so desperate for help and terrified and alone that I felt it. It grabbed me in icy fingers and dragged me to you. That night when that man..."

"That was you?" I whisper breath catching. He nods and hugs me tighter. "That... oh my god... that long ago? That long we've... we've had a bond? You waited that long to tell me!?" I almost screamed at him.

"Sh, Azraella, I'm sorry. I couldn't, not until I was sure. You know how that goes. Sometimes it's just two desperate souls that come into contact once and help each other, you can't just... it has to be... you know how it is!" He stares at me and I couldn't disagree, our  world was set.
"You can only have one... one soul mate..." I whisper watching him.

"And frankly, I'm happy that it's you, Azraella. I'm happy to protect you." He kisses my brow gently.

"He thinks I'm his soul mate." I couldn't stop the words. "The one... that wants me. He thinks I'm his soul mate. Once... he used to be alive... he was turned once... of course once... Once we were both in danger, only his was worse then mine. It was the day he was bitten. His soul reached out desperate to find someone to help him, to find its mate. It reached me and I responded and got him to safety, but it wasn't me that he was supposed to be bonded to..." I tremble at the memory.

"It was m...m... it was... I killed her. She attacked me. Apparently his soul reached us both and she attacked me in a rage. I almost died, she tried to kill me because I had saved him. He was unconscious and she... she was... she was a renegade wolf. A pack mate who had left the world of the pack for the world of society permanently. That... that was the night... you..."

"That's what happened? That's why you were hurt and terrified?" I nod and swallow. He sighs heavily. "He's a fool, a wounded fool. He doesn't... he doesn't know... Azraella, get some sleep. I will protect you. I promise." I promise...  those two little words meant so much to me.