Goodbye Mom

I pushed the off button on the television remote as the credits to Star Wars: Episode IV began to roll up the screen. I stood up and stretched my limbs before walking out onto the porch of my grandmother’s house. The slight drizzle that was forecasted had quickly turned into a full blown storm, completed with thunder and lightning. I sat on the railing and swung my feet over so that it brushed slightly above the bushes below. I inhaled the rainy scent and smiled to myself.

I glanced back towards the living room as I heard my sister’s door open. She walked out to the porch, holding her old Blue’s Clues bear tightly as if she was only five, when really she was thirteen then. I glanced at her Hannah Montana PJ’s and rolled my eyes. She knew how much I detested the Hannah Montana phenomenon, and she only wore those pjs to annoy me.

She rubbed her eyes and walked over to the railing. I turned away from her and stared at the rain drops as they fell onto the pool.

“Why are you still up?” she yawned as she leaned against the railing.

“I could ask you the same question, Miss Symone.” I glanced at her as she smiled to herself.

“I needed to use the bathroom.” She shrugged. “Are we going home tomorrow morning, early?”

“I think so.” I yawned as tiredness began to finally take over. “I mean, that’s what your mother said. She wants us home early to help her clean the house, as usual.”

Symone stood up properly, gave the yard one more look, before walking back towards to the living room. “You know, she doesn’t like it when you refer to her as “your mother”. She considers it disrespectful.”

“She hasn’t done anything to earn my respect.” I snapped as I jumped off the railing, landing in the yard effortlessly. “And by the way, you’re the last person on this fucked up earth that I would ever talk to about your mother, so don’t even try it.”

I walked around the pool, allowing the rain to soak me completely, as I headed for the back of the house. I frowned as I saw Tula, shivering in the rain. I whistled for her to come over to me, all the while trying to hide my anger.

“Symone was supposed to put you in the house.” I whispered to her as I knelt down and ruffled her coat. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

I walked into the house, locked the door and headed up the stairs to my room, Tula trailing silently behind. I walked into the room, closing the door quickly behind me before flopping down on the bed, not even bothering to change out of my wet clothes. Tula jumped onto the bed and curled up against the wall, next to me.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine myself in my own bed, while listening to the rain beat down on the galvanize roof. It’s not that I didn’t like sleeping in my grandmother’s house, it’s just not the same without my dad near me. In fact, nothing seems normal to me unless I’m near my dad, physically.

I sighed to myself and began to hum my dad’s lullaby. His lullaby was my secret weapon for falling asleep. As I began to slowly drift off to sleep, the house phone began to ring, causing a loud echo throughout the house. I glanced at Tula who was now sitting up with her ears perked up, listening intently. I tried to shut out all other sounds and focused on my grandmother’s voice as she answered the phone, the weird feeling in my gut becoming worse with ever second that ticked by.

“What? Where?” my grandmother’s voice began screeched. “Ok, I’m on my way.”

I sat up quickly and ran out the room, down the stairs and stopped at her bedroom door. Tula stood a few steps away from me.

I watched my grandmother fumble around her room, looking for her shoes and umbrella. She hadn’t even taken notice of me as yet.

“Granny?” I whispered.

She stopped suddenly and stood up properly with her back turned to me. I heard her sigh before she spun around and smiled at me.

“Sammy!” she walked over to me and kissed my forehead. “You should be in bed, sweetie.”

“Where are you going at this hour?” I ignored her faking and frowned at her.

She sighed deeply and placed a hand on my shoulder gently. “Your father is in the emergency room at St. Clair Medical. His kidney stones are really paining him now. I’m going to check on him.”

My heart dropped lower and lower with every word she said before shattering into pieces on the vinyl carpeted floor.

“I’ll go get ready.” I turned and walked out the room.

“No!” she called after me, making me stop in my tracks. “You should stay here with your sister.”

“Granny, this is daddy we’re talking about here. I’ll wake Symone up and we’ll all go.” I said with a final tone in my voice as I headed up the stairs. I pushed open my sister’s door and stuck my head inside. “Symone, wake up. Get dressed cause we have to go to the hospital. Daddy’s sick.”

“Ugh!” she groaned as she sat up slowly. “He’ll be fine. I’m going back to sleep.”

I’m not one to act out angrily, unless someone has gotten me upset over someone I care about. At that time, the only person I cared about was my father. I stepped into the pink room and walked over to her. I towered over her bed as I glared down at her.

“What?” she snapped as she sat up slowly.

“Get dressed.” I said through gritted teeth. “You’re coming with us because you can’t stay home alone.”

“Yes I can.” She rolled her eyes and laid back down.

“If you’re not downstairs in three minutes, I will forcibly drag you.” I threatened. “You know very well how capable I am of doing that. So, the decision really is this, do you want everyone in the emergency room to see you dressed in your pjs, or do you want to actually look good?”

I turned on my heel and walked into my room quickly, pulling my shirt off on the way. I threw on my Slipknot hoodie and pulled on a fresh pair of jeans. I tied my hair up and turned to Tula.

“Stay here.” I whispered as I kissed her forehead and closed the door, leaving her inside the room.

I walked down the stairs, grabbed the car keys and headed for the car.

“Is she coming?” Granny asked as she was grabbing her purse from the dressing table in her room.

“If she knows what’s good for her, then yes.” I replied. “I’ll be in the car.”

I walked out to the porch, pulled the hood of my hoodie over my head and stepped out into the rain. I climbed into our car and started the engine. I closed my eyes and stared up at the ceiling.

“This is so unfair.” My sister mumbled as she climbed into the backseat. “You really suck, Sammy.”

 “Ok, let’s go.” Granny said as she slipped into the front passenger seat.

I nodded my head and drove out of the yard. I slammed on the gas and sped through the city towards the hospital. I swung into the hospital’s parking lot and pulling the car into the first free spot I saw.

“You need to stop driving like your father.” Granny criticized, as usual, before getting out the car.

I smiled to myself and killed the engine. I climbed out the car and noticed that my sister refused to come out.

“Get out.” I barked.

“I don’t like hospitals!” She returned.

“Don’t make me force you.” I warned.

“F**k off, Sammy!” she screamed as she climbed out and ran to catch up with Granny.

I inhaled deeply and locked up the car before running across the street to the hospital entrance. I stepped into the air conditioned lobby and looked around for my family. My grandmother waved from the waiting area. I quickly walked over and sat next to her.

“What’s going on?” I asked quickly.

“The nurse said that your mother is in the room with your father right now, but only one person is allowed to see him at a time. So when your mother comes out, we’ll see what happens.” Granny rattled off.

I nodded my head and leaned against the wall. We remained in comfortable silence for a full fifteen minutes before my mother appeared. She took one look at me, frowned and hugged my sister warmly.

“How is dad?” Symone asked.

“He’s not doing too well.” She answered. “They just gave him some medication to ease the pain, so we’ll see what happens.”

“Can I see him?” Symone looked up at mom with pleading eyes.

“Of course you can.” Mom smiled at her and led her towards the room.

“Not yet. Let me see my son first.” Granny said as she walked past them and entered the room.

I closed my eyes and stared at the ceiling while my mom and sister talked about their plans for the next day, as if everything was going to be fine. I tried to zone them out, but it was very hard to since we were the only ones in the waiting area.

After twenty minutes my grandmother finally came out the room.

“He’s asking for Samantha.” She stated simply. “He’s not in the mood for anyone else right now.”

“Come on, Symone, let’s go see your father.” My mother gave me a glare, as if I did something, and led my sister towards my dad’s room down the hall.

“How does he look, granny?” I turned my attention to her and finally saw the tears in her eyes that she trying so hard to block out.

“He’s in so much pain . . .” she whispered as she excused herself and headed for the bathroom.

I tried to control my own tears as she slid down the wall to the ground. I stared at the floor as millions of thoughts began to run through my mind. Is he going to really be ok? When are we going to be able to take him home? What is he telling my sister right now? Why does he want to see me, and only me? Why couldn’t I see him, since that’s what he wanted?

“Get up from the floor.” Mom ordered as she walked into the waiting area.

“I’m fine right here.” I mumbled as she sat on one of the chairs.

“You’re so unladylike.” She shook her head in disgust. “I don’t understand how I could have a daughter like you �" “

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” I snapped, suddenly. “I know! I’m the worst daughter in the world. You hate me, and you wish you never had me. You should’ve had the abortion when you had the chance. I get it. I know all of it already.”

She gave me one of her smirks as she stood up and walked over to me. “Well, at least you remember what I always I say. But it’s not the same without the physical emphasis.”

She raised her hand and brought it down on my head hard before kicking my ribs with as much force as she could muster. I doubled over and groaned as I pressed my head to the ground. I refused to cry. I refused to allow her to see my weakness. I held it in as I took in deep breathes and sat up slowly. She didn’t like my lack of pain.

“You’re lucky we’re in a public place.” She smiled evilly. “Let’s see if you’re that lucky when we get home.”

My eyes flashed fear for a few seconds before I noticed my granny walking over to us. I cleared my throat and sat up properly. I hid my head in my arms as we waited for my sister.

After a full fifteen minutes, she walked into the waiting area angrily.

“He wants to see you.” She spat at me as she sat down in a chair sulkily.

I stood up quickly and began to walk down the hallway.

“Wait, let me see him for a second.” Mom said as she quickly walked past me and headed into dad’s room.

I sighed to myself and walked back to waiting area. I stood by the door and waited, in complete silence, for thirty minutes before my mother came out of the room.

“He’s going to be here for the rest of the night.” She informed us quickly. “Why don’t you guys head on home, and when we leave tomorrow, I’ll call you and let you know.”

Granny nodded her head and stood up, along with my sister. My heart began to harden as anger overtook me.

“No!” I glared at my mother. “I haven’t seen him yet.”

“You can see him tomorrow.” Mom returned, meeting me at eye level.

“That’s not fair.” I screamed. “I want to see my father.”

I didn’t bother waiting for her response. I walked past her and headed down the hallway to my dad’s room.

“Stop!” she called after me as she ran up to catch me. She grabbed my arm and pulled me back as I was at the door.

“Let me go!” I snapped as I tried to pull out of her grasp.

“I will beat the living s**t out of you tomorrow. You can count on that. Now let’s go!” She tried to pull me away.

“I want to see my father!” I cried out as the tears in my eyes began to fall slowly.

“Sam . . .” dad’s voice drifted softly towards us.

I spun my head to his door as my mom released her hold on me. We both walked into the room and my heart exploded as I stared into my father’s weak face.

His skin was pale, almost ghostlike. His eyes were watery and glossy. His chest was heaving up and down quickly as he struggled to control the pain he was in. My strong father, who I had known my entire life, was not weaker than a new born baby. I stepped up to him slightly, but mom grabbed my hand, holding me back.

“Sonia!” dad’s voice boomed throughout the room, shocking both my mom and me. “Let her go!”

“Sean, you’re sick. You need rest.” She said sweetly. “Besides, she was about to leave anyway.”

“No!” my dad gasped as he grabbed my arm quickly. “Sam, don’t leave me. Sonia, you leave. I’ve seen enough of you tonight.”

My mother stared at my father in shock before releasing her hold on me and storming out the room. I turned to my father who was giving me his heartbreaker smile.

“Come here.” He whispered as he moved to the side of his bed.

I smiled finally, for the first time that night, as I moved onto the bed and laid down next to him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder while I placed my head on his chest. He slowly began to stroke my hair as he kissed the top of my head lightly.

“Cry.” He whispered.

I looked up at him, unsure if I had heard him correctly.

“Cry, Sam.” He kissed my forehead gently.

I slowly began to shake as I stared into his eyes. The tears came out of my eyes like a waterfall. My entire body shook as I cried and whimpered.

“It’s ok.” He whispered as he began to hum his lullaby.

I began to breathe regularly again. The tears finally subsided as he came to the end of the lullaby.

“You ok?” he asked, as if I was the one who was sick in the hospital.

I nodded my head and smiled at him. “I thought something was seriously wrong with you. I thought that it was so bad that I was never going to see you again.”

“Oh Sammy,” he pulled me against him closer. “I’m never going to leave you. I can’t even if I tried, because you won’t let me.”

I chuckled slightly as I snuggled against his chest.

“Just remember something.” He said in a hushed tone. “I love you more than I love or care about anyone else or anything else in this world. You are my life. Not your mother, not your sister. You are.”

“I know dad.” I kissed his chest lightly. “I know.”

“Good.” He sighed softly before drifting off the sleep.

I waited until he was in a deep sleep before pulling away and walking out the room. Everyone was still in the waiting room. They all looked up at me as I walked in.

“Good, now you all can go home.” Mom said, enviously.

“I’m staying.” I stated simply. “Granny, you can take Symone back home. Mom, you can go home too. Granny, I’ll call you tomorrow when dad’s ready to come home. Ok?”

My grandmother nodded and my sister smiled in relief because she was getting to go home.

“I don’t think so.” Mom snapped as she stepped up to me.

“I’ll see you all tomorrow.” I gave my grandmother a smile, turned on my heel and walked back to my dad’s room.

“Excuse me?” Mom grabbed my hand and spun me to face her.

I don’t know where I got the courage, probably from the fact that my father needed me more than anything, but I pushed her hard and slammed her against the wall. She stared at me in utter shock.

“Leave.” I muttered before releasing her and walking off.

I quickly made my way back to dad’s room. Daddy sat up slowly and smiled at me.

“She’s been hitting you for a long time, hasn’t she?” he asked.

“Yes.” I sighed and sat down next to him.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered. “I always suspected it, but I didn’t want to believe it, so I ignored it. I’m so sorry I was never there for you. I promise you,  I will never let her touch you again. In fact, I promise, you’ll never have to see her again.”

I knew then, no matter how horrible something was, I could tell my father and he would understand. As for his promise, he kept it.

Reviews

[Dutch Jr.]

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