Deep past

“Lynne, why can’t you just accept that he wanted nothing to do with us?” Maria said frustrated as Lynne lowered her head.
Maria crossed the kitchen to reach into the cupboard for the cutting board. She slammed the board, and then reached for one of the knives in the drawer beside her and pushed back tendrils of black hair that obscured her eyesight. She began cutting vegetables and adding them to the bubbling pot on the stove. She sighed heavily and turned to face her daughter.
Maria was a young mother. She had Lynne when she was only 23 and, now 14 years later, her inexperience was finally taking its toll. Maria, although she was an attractive young girl was isolated by her parents. She didn’t know how to interact with other people and had become overly promiscuous once she was freed from her parent’s tight reigns. Her hair was a silky jet black and chocolate brown eyes shown from under her thick lashes. There was barely a man who could resist her, but she lacked the ability to keep the men interested. That was until Magana came into her life.
“Lynne, I’m sorry. I know it’s hard for you to understand, but this is a painful reminder for me.” Maria took the seat opposite of her daughter and grabbed her hands. “I pray for you to never know the pain of betrayal.” She lifted Lynne’s face and caressed her cheek. “The only thing I need you to understand is that I love you and that’s what matters. Now wash up before dinner.”
Lynne smiled weakly, stood up and headed for the bathroom. She quietly shut the door behind her and turned on the sink. She watched the water splash then disappear down the drain as tiny droplets mixed with it. As silently as she could, Lynne sobbed over the sink. Thoughts of a father she never knew overwhelmed her. Would he have been able to protect her from the people of the town that persecuted her? What if he would have only made it worse? There were too many unanswered questions, each nagging for her attention and only twisting the knife in her heart more and more.
She bent over and splashed water on her face. Lynne glanced up at the mirror and seen herself as the hideous creature everyone called her. She turned away, unable to stomach the sight of herself, and wiped her face with a towel. Lynne took a deep breath and slowly let it out to compose herself. Her mother couldn’t know of the pain that was already plaguing her. She knew that Lynne was treated terribly by all the townspeople, but Lynne wore an amazing façade of happiness and joy. Lynne was smart enough to know that this pain would do to her mother and how her mother would try to change it.
Lynne and her mother ate dinner in absolute silence. The only conversation was of the chores and who would be in charge of them. Lynne had to tend to the garden and the animals while Maria handled the shopping. If there was a chance Maria could keep Lynne safe from the townspeople and their blind cruelty she would take it, even if it put herself in danger. Maria may have never really understood Lynne, but she tried her hardest to be the best mother she could be for her daughter.
Both Lynne and Maria retired to their bedrooms after they cleaned up. Lynne sat at the edge of her bed and thought of her father again. The pain was returning and her eyes swelled with tears, but a new thought pierced the sadness. Since he was never around, and by all accounts would never return, she was free to make up a perfect father for herself: one who would protect her and see to it that she never hurt again. But how could she even begin to put together her perfect father? Lynne grabbed her notebook and lay across her bed. She began to draw the outline of a man.
“If I’m going to make a dad for myself he has to be strong.” Lynne whispered to herself as she drew the arms of the man wider. She tapped her chin with her pencil. “And if mom is going to like him, he has to be good looking.” She smiled as she tried to draw the most handsome face she could. “What else would he have to look like?” Lynne paused deep in thought. “I got it! He can’t be from this hell hole so he’ll have long hair!” She scribbled more and more over the outline creating what she thought would be the best way for her dad to look.
“All that’s left is to make his personality.” Lynne smiled triumphantly. “He has to be really nice to me and Mom. Also very protective of us so no one can hurt us. What else? Funny! Dad has to be funny so he can make Mom laugh more!” Lynne continued to jot down ideas of her ideal father late into the night until she was satisfied with him.
She stood up and pushed a nail into the picture to keep it secure on the wall above her bed. Lynne happily crawled under her blankets and hugged her pillow. “There, Daddy, now you can always watch over me when I’m asleep.” The words brought tears to her eyes as she gripped the pillow tightly. Lynne’s eyes became heavy as she drifted close to slumber. The image of her father came to life in her mind: hugging her back and talking softly in a deep voice to soothe her to sleep.
“Sleep now, my darling. I’ll always be here to protect you so don’t you worry anymore.” The voice was so vivid and stronger than she imagined, but she believed it allowing her mind to ease her.