Suicide Explained

Depressive titlez meanz Bipolarz

I've tried to explain how I'll shoot myself
If this goes further still
The cause, you ask, the reason is
That I've nought else to kill

There's no-one of moral ill
'Cept me and me alone
And there's no blood that I could spill
Except this blood; my own

That I'm a bungled failure
Is clear for all to see
But none would see me die for it
Except for my judge; me

The pain I feel I can't define
And can't write on a page
So let these clenching stomach pains
Disguise despair and rage

Let us say I died of grief
To watch youth's snow-flowers melt
And let us hope that now they're gone
My feelings were never felt

I hope the world could never think
That I died for what wasn't true
And never let the fact emerge
That I have died for you

Yes I'm dead I'm already gone
You see I'm smiling here
I wouldn't smile still holding a gun
So I've fallen and dropped it I fear

I wouldn't shoot for what I've lost
Or for what I never tried
Let it be said, that at the most
The love I felt has died

Reviews

[Freder Fredersen (aka G..]

I agree with Tyler's more positive points. To give a dark subject a head-knocking rhythm is brilliant. To have your readers mind dancing whilst ripping out their heart is like some sort of dark art man. You rocked it in my opinion. I'd like to hear it sung to an upbeat and overly happy song. It's not a cookie cutter poem. And that is the most wonderful part. I give it a 99.9. The last fraction missing because the gun never went off.

I would have ended it with....."BANG!!!"

Cheers!

[Analgesia]

I'm not going to lie, the combination of a very dark theme and light and witty ryhme scheme makes me feel interested and mabye even amused. If this isn't what you were going for I'd have to say you went with a rhyme scheme that just doesn't fit. But, on the other hand, if you were intending to amuse the reader with this sing song kind of ryhmeing then you've succeeded, in my case at least, and as far as I'm concerned made a very original piece on suicide.

[..R.I.P..]

This is sad, and yet it's brilliant! I could feel your emotion, the pain that you were going through. I loved this piece. Great job.