Colorado Dreams

A poem of my home I like a lot! :)

 Colorado Dreams

    Tall, silver aspen frame soft evergreen,

    the mighty elk across deep valleys roam,

    in heavens high a billion stars are seen;

    I’m thankful Colorado is my home.

    

    Amongst Lantana on the mountainside

    White Clover grows midst slender Pussytoes,

    from Flagstaff Mountain, Boulder shows its pride,

    lush bouquet born of Mallow softly flows.

    

    Folk living there are known for friendly ways,

    that welcome strangers as if native-born,

    as though no other place on earth displays

    such glories there that Nature’s hands adorn.

    

    Come meet me in yon glens beside cool streams,

    embrace us there in Colorado dreams.

(below is a corrected version after Fabian G. Franklin's review pointed 

out that some of the wordage I used makes my poem seem outdated archaic

and antiquated ["yon glens” "midst” and “amongst" are not at all fitting

with the rest of your poem] with pedantic connotation and affectation. And

it just seems phony and fake in the delivery that using such language many

are apt not to even understand you. I just don't see the use or point of making

it sound fake with affectation.)

Corrected words and changes are in red. I hope these corrections make this

a more understood less phony and fake poem for everyone to enjoy better.

Thank you for your help Fabian.

Colorado Dreams

    Tall, silver aspen frame soft evergreen,

    the mighty elk across deep valleys roam,

    in heavens high a billion stars are seen;

    I’m thankful Colorado is my home.

    

    Among Lantana on the mountainside,

    White Clover grows mid slender Pussytoes,

    from Flagstaff Mountain, Boulder shows its pride,

    lush bouquet born of Mallow gently flows.

    

    Folk living there are known for friendly ways

    that welcome strangers as if native-born;

    as though no other place on earth displays

    such glories there that Nature’s hands adorn.

    

    In verdant glens we'll meet beside cool streams,

    embracing there in Colorado dreams.

Author's Note

This one was a style taught to me by a poet teacher called Richard years ago the first time I was a member and he helped me with the words and corrected to make it read better, it took me over a week to get it right and he made me use correct punctuation and not all caps to begin the lines, it was very hard and I almost quit before it was finished lol! I read one of KLGoode's (Lyn Anderson) in the same style with the same teacher Richard [http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/amendoim1988/1805334/] that made me remember this and It is one of my favorites now but I never tried one again -- I hope you like it too though! :)

Reviews

[Lisasview]

Good morning Sammi,
I believe that this is the only poem of yours that I had not read.. Had to go into each one to see if I had reviewed it or not.. So until you write more this will be the last one..
So to begin with.. the artwork is wonderful.. The color print and font are perfect and your words flow off your page and into my heart.
Lovely write Sammi... Hope you have time to read more of mine..
Richard is a fabulous teacher..such a kind soul..
Lisa, now in Spain

[Richard🖌]

My-my, Sammi,
How did I miss reviewing this one for you, being my student and all … I just don't know?
I recall when you learned it, and how you struggled with the iambics, but persevered, and just look at the gem you composed … Sammi, it is simply beautiful, and your flair for design creates the perfect setting for your absolutely gorgeous Sonnet.
The imagery of your words, alone, make this a heavenly piece of poetry, and the spot-on iambics and rhymes make it virtually dance up off the page into our minds, hearts, and souls … a truly amazing work of poetry.
I was sooo proud of you when you stuck it out and completed this, Sammi.

You made my spirit soar, and I thank you for asking me to teach you … hugs 'n warmest smiles of sincere gratitude! ⁓ Richard : )

100/100

[Sammi]

Wow Richard thanx for making me feel so good -- you want to teach me a new form of your choice, I'd like that a lots this one turned out so wonderful and I am ready for something new, what do you think? -- hurry and tell me! :)

HUGGS!
Sammi

[Paul]

An absolutely beautiful poem of your home State. Our mutual friend Richard guided me to this piece. I'm grateful he has. This poem has wonderful imagery throughout, and proves to be a pleasure to read. Well done!

[Sammi]

How cool Paul I just signed on to answer some reviews and messages after being tardy here it must have been fate lol -- your sweet compliments and how you enjoyed my writing make me blush red but thats ok I like it. ;)
Oh Richard he is so wonderful a man and teacher and has helped so many writers in here I am very thrilled you found him -- he'll make you a better too.
It's a big world and I am happy you found me in it Paul -- thank you! :)

HUGGS!
Sammi

[Paul]

The feeling is mutual, Sammi. :)
I look forward to reading more of your poetry, when time permits itself.

All the best,
Paul

[Sammi]

Me too Paul. ;)

[emmajoy]

Your care and love for poetry and your home-state is so very evident here, and, consequently, touches the heart with an enormous smile and admiration. Beautiful picture to head it... full of colour and warmth.. rather like the poet!

[Sammi]

Oh I love how your last words made me feel warm emmajoy and all the nice things you said about my poem too -- you make me very happy I wrote this one put it up for everyone to see.
I did love that picture too emmajoy -- thank you! :)

HUGGS!
Sammi

[emmajoy]

You're very welcome, especially as it's wonderful to read your words afresh, Sammi.

[Sammi]

Sorry for being late emmajoy -- life took me away.

[Lyn Anderson]

Lovely -- I see the beauty and the love in this piece. It takes patience to write this way, and you did a great job. I have not dissected it, nor counted all the syllables, but I have felt it, and it's sweet.

[Sammi]

You sure know the way to make a girl smile KLGoode with your praise and knowing how hard this style sure is, it is nice to share this in common with you and Richards great help for us -- thank you! :)

HUGGS!
Sammi

[Marianne Rose]

Beautiful poetry Sammi! Richard is a great teacher- he helped me with a couple poems, including my first Villanelle form. I can see the images so clearly in your description, and feel the expansive beauty of the place you call home. The flow is very beautiful also, and I love the invitation in the last two lines. Wondrous natural imagery and telegraphing of your love for this country. Thank you Sammi!

[Sammi]

it is wonderful how you've reviewed this poem Marianne Rose and shared inspiring compliments and praise so generously to let me know I did good, I hope Richard comes back, there are so many times I wish I'd asked him more about poetry, I never found anyone who would take time to teach me or knew how, you are such a sweet person and I know he must have liked you and your poetry too -- thank you! :)

HUGGS!
Sammi

[barleygirl]

This is an excellent poem becuz of the way you've perfected the form, which appears to be a sonnet, but not to the demise of your message. I find many who attempt such elaborate poetic forms can often end up conveying a lukewarm or vanilla message, or sounding like they're picking words mostly for the rhyme, rather than the message. To me, your message is the strongest part of this poem & the form is secondary . . . very vivid descriptions, all original-sounding & compelling. It makes me want to go there (I had a love affair with Colorado in my younger days . . . I posted "Rocky Mnt High" recently from those memories). I love the balance between describing the surroundings & also the people, which gives us a well-rounded idea of the Colorado you love. I feel the same way about my outdoor lifestyle here, too.

[Sammi]

Sis you sure do leave wonderful reviews filled with understanding compliments beauty shining from your wonderful heart and mind to make me feel so special and my poems liked to the max, you are very sweet -- thank you! :)

HUGGS!
Sammi