Colorado Dreams

A poem of my home I like a lot! :)

 Colorado Dreams

    Tall, silver aspen frame soft evergreen,

    the mighty elk across deep valleys roam,

    in heavens high a billion stars are seen;

    I’m thankful Colorado is my home.

    

    Amongst Lantana on the mountainside

    White Clover grows midst slender Pussytoes,

    from Flagstaff Mountain, Boulder shows its pride,

    lush bouquet born of Mallow softly flows.

    

    Folk living there are known for friendly ways,

    that welcome strangers as if native-born,

    as though no other place on earth displays

    such glories there that Nature’s hands adorn.

    

    Come meet me in yon glens beside cool streams,

    embrace us there in Colorado dreams.

(below is a corrected version after Fabian G. Franklin's review pointed 

out that some of the wordage I used makes my poem seem outdated archaic

and antiquated ["yon glens” "midst” and “amongst" are not at all fitting

with the rest of your poem] with pedantic connotation and affectation. And

it just seems phony and fake in the delivery that using such language many

are apt not to even understand you. I just don't see the use or point of making

it sound fake with affectation.)

Corrected words and changes are in red. I hope these corrections make this

a more understood less phony and fake poem for everyone to enjoy better.

Thank you for your help Fabian.

Colorado Dreams

    Tall, silver aspen frame soft evergreen,

    the mighty elk across deep valleys roam,

    in heavens high a billion stars are seen;

    I’m thankful Colorado is my home.

    

    Among Lantana on the mountainside,

    White Clover grows mid slender Pussytoes,

    from Flagstaff Mountain, Boulder shows its pride,

    lush bouquet born of Mallow gently flows.

    

    Folk living there are known for friendly ways

    that welcome strangers as if native-born;

    as though no other place on earth displays

    such glories there that Nature’s hands adorn.

    

    In verdant glens we'll meet beside cool streams,

    embracing there in Colorado dreams.

Author's Note

This one was a style taught to me by a poet teacher called Richard years ago the first time I was a member and he helped me with the words and corrected to make it read better, it took me over a week to get it right and he made me use correct punctuation and not all caps to begin the lines, it was very hard and I almost quit before it was finished lol! I read one of KLGoode's (Lyn Anderson) in the same style with the same teacher Richard [http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/amendoim1988/1805334/] that made me remember this and It is one of my favorites now but I never tried one again -- I hope you like it too though! :)

Reviews

[Lisasview]

Good morning Sammi,
I believe that this is the only poem of yours that I had not read.. Had to go into each one to see if I had reviewed it or not.. So until you write more this will be the last one..
So to begin with.. the artwork is wonderful.. The color print and font are perfect and your words flow off your page and into my heart.
Lovely write Sammi... Hope you have time to read more of mine..
Richard is a fabulous teacher..such a kind soul..
Lisa, now in Spain

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I love the poem with the exception of some the wordage such as "yon glens". Certain particular descriptions seem archaic and not at all fitting with the rest of your poem. I don't see why it can't be "green glens" or "the glens" or anything else befitting modern verse. Using words like "midst" and amongst" make the poem seem outdated and antiquated. Shakespeare was a fine English playwright but he's been dead for over four hundred years. The English language (in the meantime) has progressed quite a bit as well as our understanding and usage of it. If I walk around all day saying thee and thou I'm very likely to be thought a Quaker or a Mennonite rather than an educated person. In verse, I think such usage takes on a pedantic connotation and affectation. And it just seems phony and fake in the delivery. Please don't take offense at my observation. But I think the poem could be greatly improved by dropping the language used four centuries ago. I'd like to point out a problem in that too. In using such language, many are apt not to even understand you. And the primary purpose of language is, and always has been, communication. For example, this line from Romeo and Juliet, "O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Many folks interpret that as, Where are you Romeo? But that is NOT at all what it means! It means WHY are you Romeo? Juliet says it because her parents would most likely have approved ANY suitor other than the son from a family they were feuding with. Basically she was saying, Why does it have to be Romeo I'm in love with of all the guys in the world. I've visited your fair state and enjoyed my time there. It certainly has some majestic sights and wonders, including the Rockies. I still wouldn't trade my Appalachians for anything. As I said before, the poem is beautiful and contains honest feeling and depth. I just don't see the use or point of making it sound fake with affectation.

[Sammi]

Thank you for all of your thoughts on my poem and your distaste for some of my words too -- I got your point but don't agree with you because to me those words you did not like make it feel softer and more authentic as a sonnet poem and they are only three little words that can be understood by anyone not all what you said about them being fake and phony and all else.
I shared your review with my teacher and he suggested the words in red if I wanted to use what you think. One other thing is I know I'm not a very good poetess so I don't feel offended but I didn't like the way you said it all to me because it kind of hurt my feelings about a poem I worked hard on and felt proud of but no hard feelings -- I think you did not mean it that way! :)

HUGGS!
Sammi

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"Rocky Mountain high in Colorado" This poem is beautifully descriptive and gives us a real sense
of the countenance of those mountains.
j.

[lessa (kenzie)]

the glories there that Nature’s hands adorn.
Come meet me in yon glens beside cool streams,
embrace us there in Colorado dreams.

Simply wonderful these lines here, this whole write is wonderful.
Love this it's lovely

[Cryingkate]

Nice Imagery ... Colorado is a pretty place. I miss it sometimes but; There is no Place like Home for Me :-)

[Traci]

Sammi,
Beautiful words eloquently woven into this piece of art, Your love of Colorado shines throughout.
Well done 100/100

[Sammi]

Gosh Traci your words speak in a lovely encouraging voice that sound like a poem, and it is true that I love Colorado -- thank you for beings nice and for the perfect score wow! :D

HUGGS!
Sammi

[Susan 🦋]

Well let me just get on an airplane right now! Who wouldn't want to visit such an amazing place! Well written, clearly the love comes flowing through. Nicely done. :-)

[Sammi]

Come on down sister Susan we will have a grand old time of it lol!
I guess you know you're my idol and my ideal poetess that your compliment makes me smile all over -- thank you! :D

HUGGS!
Sammi

[lightsong]

Splendid, enchanting dear Sammi, colourful words just like Your picture, they woven so softly beautiful images as we read down Your poem, the title alone is a highlight, this how a perfect poem feels...

[Sammi]

Dear sweet Light I have written many poems and this one is my favorite of all times maybe because it was so hard for me to do or it might be because it is so beautiful and close to my heart or it could be that I really like the teacher making me do it right and not give up when no one else ever gave me more attention or been that patient when I was trying and he knew it, why ever it is I am pleased you like it so much too, I picked the picture it is so beautiful and looks just like a valley south of where I live in the springtime,"this how a perfect poem feels... " you spoil me l love it -- thank you sweet Light! :)

HUGGS!
Sammi

[lightsong]

I'm so pleased that I made You happy dear Sammi, whatever the reason behind Your love for Your poem, and I think it's all the reasons You mentioned, and also that it's about Your home, where You feel safe, blissful and blessed... whatever the reason(s) is... it's still beautiful!

[Sammi]

You make me smile inside! :D

[ROXANE DORSEY]

I love this poem. It is my style somewhat. I didn't have the luxury of someone teaching me poetry form. I write it from within. I should have started when I was in the 1st grade. I do have a way with words. i'M STILL FEELING MYSELF OUT WITH WORDS OF LOVE & WISDOM.

[Sammi]

Roxane I can sure see some of the style of this one in your writing too na dI just love how you say things so powerful beautiful deep and true feeling, you are a master at expressing emotion and life thoughts.
I wish I had began early too and was very lucky to have heard of Richard's poetry teaching from others on here he is so kind good and patient, he had to be with me lol -- thank you with smiles! :)

HUGGS!
Sammi

[ROXANE DORSEY]

why thanks.

[Sammi]

You are so kind. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Beautiful artwork and wonderful use of words. A outstanding poem my friend Sammi. I did enjoy this one.
Coyote

[Sammi]

I smile to you sweetly and dearly dear Mr. Coyote your lovely words touch my heart and make me feel happy I wrote this Sonnet, it was Richard who taught me how he is a great and generous teacher as you are a wonderful and attentive reviewer, I am so very glad so many on here are helpful and sweet like you -- thank you xo! :)

HUGGS!
Sammi

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Sammi.