Death

A Story by Sam

A definition essay

“When I die, be strong, walk up to the casket, and say ‘See ya later dad.’” These are the words my dad said to me a few months before died. My nine-year-old self never thought that I would be following his instructions before I reached adulthood, and I never would have imagined that it would be before my tenth birthday.

When I was first told that my dad had died, I felt a sense of incomprehension. While I knew that what I was hearing was true, and though I felt no denial, this was happening to someone else. I cried. I felt the grief. I felt the loss, but it was only a dream. It was not real. Within a few hours the waters and sludge of incomprehension receded into the ponds of emotion, but only to make room for grief to settle into his overpowering bed. It is futile to explain the feeling of sadness, of being lost, of a changed life. When my psyche could not support the onslaught of emotions, I went emotionally numb. On November 12, 2001 I died for the first time.

The one constant variable of life is physical death. In the United States today, death is the second greatest fear, with public speaking being the first. However, true death, the death of emotions, is the death that should be feared, not physical death. When a person no longer smiles warmly at a gurgling baby, ceases to cry at the sight of a homeless dog attempting to hide from the rain, doesn’t laugh at their friend tripping over new high- heeled shoes, symptoms of death are present.

It is inevitable that at some point in everyone’s life that they will be pronounced dead. It is a human defense mechanism and arises out necessity after a trauma. The trauma may be something fast and unexpected, such as a car accident, or it may build up overtime like depression tends to do. Regardless of the cause of death, if a person cannot handle the mental an emotional haunts, his or her heart will cease to beat.

The time of death varies according to the person. I was dead for approximately seven months. Others may be dead for only minutes or for years. When a paramedic arrives at an accident scene, they may intentionally numb themselves for an hour or less so that they can do their job. This temporary suicide, while useful, can be dangerous, causing permanent death.

A soul can always be revived from death. The revival process has steps that must be taken. Step zero, the finger twitch signaling the return of life, leads to step one. Step one is realization. Realization is the first life-giving breath. Step two is the desire to live, the desire to feel. Physical therapy, working to regain control of lost muscles, is the third step. The most wondrous step of all is number four, the gain of wisdom.

Seven and a half years later and I still miss my dad. I still laugh at old memories. I still grieve. I still smile at his pictures. I still cry. Feeling these emotions, I know that I am alive. I went through death; I went into the dark cold cave of hell. Yet only by walking through this cave could I reach the choir of angelic laughs and tears of the living.