Forever is too long

A slave calling his master for a competition.

Forever is too long,
give me few moments
and give me back
all the dark side of me,
and see

God is too strong,
give me the demon,
your minor slave,
my next competitor,
and come

I’m right and wrong,
I’m light and dark,
I’m strong and powerful,
I’m a story of vengeance,
so enjoy

don’t be afraid of me
I’m just a scream
you’ll bear and I’ll go
I hope you’ll bear
so find out

I’m honest and just
black and white
you’re finest
every color except
black and white

give me few moments
and give me the freedom,
free me and see
I’m your next competitor
find out

stop panting
don’t wait 'cause
forever is too long

Author's Note

Sometimes masters doesn't deserve to rule, and sometimes slaves are worthy to be a king. The rank of the person does not matter, the character does, the faith and believe does. I see many examples around myself, I was just thinking how must it feels to be a slave and live. . this is the result of my thoughts.. Feel free to review. .

Reviews

[lee von cleef]

We are all a slave,
A Wether ,
The points in our hearts are dull or sharp,
A sacred holy spirit,drinks his water here,
Builds a fire that may leave no trace
And when the whole is dark
He can see ,to thread the needle,
With threads of light so you can heal.

[Kelsey]

The idea of this poem is amazing, I really enjoyed it. It's very unique and nicely written, well done.

[Kim]

Really nice work! I like the flow of the piece and the use of repetition. The subject matter is very interesting. The juxtapositioning between white and black, master and slave, etc is also well done. My only suggestion is that you might try other formats for the text. The all-centered approach is a bit hard to read and I'm not positive that it best serves this piece. I'd encourage you to play around with it a bit and see what sticks. Nice work overall!

[S]

I like your style of writing :) I can feel the struggle, it comes across well.

[Serena]

I wrote something with the same thoughts in my AP World Class. The idea of what slaves thought, felt, and lived through are never clear, but this poem is probably close to it. :) I love it

[David Scott]

Nice idea and deep thought. Need to work on a thoughtful flow or some kind of meter here. Also, sounds like maybe English is your second language...? Missing the right form of a few words. Shows promise and like you said you will improve.

[Re'al McNameson]

I've just recently starting actively writing, and just slightly longer than that, have I started reading books and literature, that is not non-fiction, so my opinion isn't demonstrative of an expert. Having said that; I will tell you, I cannot recall ever having a poem convey mood so powerfully as yours. Upon my finishing the last line, I felt, dark, and, I'm lacking words. Which, my having emotional reactions is indescribably rare. It is a truly effective piece.