The things we had

Can love be rekindled after being 20 years apart? Will people ever change? A short story about what if's....

"No honey I know you are not 5 years old and that's not preschool, but I need to see your dorm room" I tried to sound as casual as possible taking to Ash who could not stop fidgeting " please don't roll your eyes on me, you will see the moment we enter the building you will find all the kids accompanied by their parents " Ash interrupted "no mom, not all kids are accompanied by their parents cause you know some parents and are not neurotic, overprotective, hovering satellites" her voice and tone was so exasperated, I prepared lots of comebacks in my mind, but I realized how useless it will be. We entered the dorm building, or at least I did since Ash's entrance was more like storming. It did not take her long to find the dorm's chart while she was squeezing herself there between the other kids, my eyes was filled with tears, my heart was wrenching, my baby is a grown up woman she is attending college, I never projected my dreams on her, I never asked her to make up for my lost chances however she without me directing her grew up to be everything I hoped for her and even more.

Ash looked back at me and I looked the other way so she won't see an escaping tear. Judging from her expression as she was approaching me that she saw it anyway.

" mom we promised no water works" she said and synced her words with a warm hug. She was 2 inches taller than I am, so her hugs always made me feel like she was the adult in this relationship well most of the time she was.

While I would imagine fairytale stories to tell her, she would prefer a book on science. I always loved the way she was grounded and level headed and both traits didn't come from my side.

" mom I will always be one phone call away from you and you know I will always pick up "
It dawned on me, I took myself away from her hug as I looked at her wide beautiful green eyes, she really thinks she's the adult in this relationship, I let my own child think she is my caretaker.

" honey, I don't want you to think that you need to pick up my calls even when you really should not, you have a life and I will be ok" Ash covered my mouth with her sweet little hand " I will still be there whenever you need me mom "
I rearranged her strawberry blonde hair behind her ear in an attempt to end the emotional situation and move on to view her dorm room " we have been dragging on for too long and I am not leaving here without seeing your room and hopefully your roommate" she gleamed with a mocking smile as she shouted "4th floor we go" I widened my eyes in fake horror " you really like it that I am going to get a heart attack today " she smiled as she raced me to the stairs " some cardio won't kill you, and you know you always can go home now " I gave a big sigh and yelled " never"

By the third floor I really was entertaining the just go home option, but my motherly animal instincts had other opinion.

Ash received me with a triumphant smile as I managed to mutter behind ragged breath " yeah, yeah stop flattering yourself and let's have that talk in 20 years "
" still will be 20 years younger" she brags before adding " now move on " my room is down that corridor" and she pointed to the right.
I muttered as I followed her down the corridor " at least this time I will move horizontally "

She stood in front of star wars poster covered door " are you ready?" She give me a wink and as if she remembered something she said " remember who ever we will meet inside they are people that are gonna be my mates for the rest of the year so don't embarrass me " I rolled my eyes as she opened the door and I directly followed her in.

The room was nicely decorated with a good space around each bed which will guarantee Ash some privacy.
" well it looks like you arrived first and I won't have the chance to embarrass you after all" I said while lifting her bag over one of the beds and instead of Ash's sweet voice, came from behind me a silky male voice " well the window of embarrassment is still open for both of us"

I looked behind me and I was met by a tall athletic silhouette of a man holding luggage and for a second my heart skipped a beat when I was met with the dark brown eyes that has stalked my dreams for so long to my amazement his eyes were as shocked as were mine and a moment of long silence took over the place when a little girl no older than Ash broke the silence " dad are you ok"

Her words woke me up from an old memory I thought I buried "yeah honey I am ok " he managed to whisper as Ash took over the scene "I am Ashley Donnelly I guess we are going to be roommates " she extended her hands to the girl with a nice wide smile, the petite frame girl extended her hand with level of enthusiasm much less than Ash's " Sarah Baker" Ash glanced at me and twisted her mouth in mockery then turned to Sarah's father "I guess you are Mr Baker" the guy exchanged the warmest smile with Ash while saying " Devon honey" he turned to me swiftly as if he couldn't wait to end his exchange with Ash to address me " and you are Kim Donnelly" my voice was lost and my ability to form a coherent sentence has betrayed me, apparently Ash picked up the clues " you know my mom I see" without taking his eyes of me he softly murmured "yeah I do "

The End of chapter 1

" Devon" was all I managed to utter and I associated it with a nod, his handsome Greek-God like features are still the same only a few smile wrinkles around his magnificent brown eyes, his utterly stunning copper brown hair is neatly combed, and those passionate lips that once wondered all over my body are still shining with the same smirking smile, the smile that has haunted my memories for so long.

Someone was saying something, but my head was no longer here, my inner body was clenched and that brought back even more memories of a summer I thought I was over.

The fact that my body still reacts like that in his presence both thrills me and infuriated me at the same time I am supposed to be over him, I should not even remember his dirty whispers in my ears when we.....  God I have to stop my trail of thoughts, what the hell is wrong with me.

In an attempt to look like I have it under control I grabbed my Ash give her a warm hug she was taken by surprise at first but then she relaxed her hands and held me tight " I love you Ash, and no matter what you do you make me so proud " I kissed her " I think I should leave you now honey and I will send you a message when I arrive home " I looked under my eye lashes , he was saying his goodbyes to his daughter to.

I left the room in a composed manner, and my steps just got speeding as if I am escaping from hell. I took the stairs and I let my legs to the wind. In no time I was out of the dorm and met with a nice September breeze. My muscles began to relax and I closed my eyes to savor the moment.

I started my outside if the campus, I checked on my car, now Ash's, and began to think about my trip back to home now without a car outside the campus there was a nice small kiosk that sold newspapers and transportation guides, Ash is gonna roll her eyes on me for not using google maps.

a sudden feeling of alert dawned on me as I sensed a familiar presence, goosebumps took over my skin, my breath rate accelerated, and ragged. my whole body clenched as the small of my back was being touched softly, I looked behind me knowing the source of all my sensations.




"Devon" I surprised my self with being completely composed as I pronounced his name. " you seem lost Kim, are you looking for something in this transportation booklet?" I looked at the booklet in my hands with bizarre feeling as if it is the first time I saw it, however, I looked back the Devon's gleaming eyes,  "well I could always give you a ride i suppose" without even considering the offer " I don't think we roam the same paths anymore" I paused " what I meant was to say no" I extended my hand and his met mine halfway and to my surprise pulls me closer " I am not dangerous, nor a serial killer our kids attend the same college and you didn't just meet me for the first time so it makes me think are you afraid I might seduce you on a ride home that'll take us what 3 hours max"

I pulled away, and without further discussion with him I just left feeling vulnerable taken by surprise feelings of a prey that had thought she escaped her stalker but what whatever I thought I was freed of came back with every little sensation to hunt me.

My long strides felt more like running away, and the moment I realized I was actually running I stopped I don't know how far away I am from the bus stop and once again my brilliant little girl wins, I pulled out my iPhone and started the GPS app following my app's instructions blindly I found myself in front of the bus station it didn't take me long to find the tickets booth and.... him.

Trying to ignore his presence I brushed against his shoulder a move that sent sweet electric charge down my spine.

A force of gravity stronger than me pulled me back where I found myself between his strong arms pressed on his muscular chest the heat radiating from his body mixed with his essence went straight to my head, finding myself giving up on resisting him at this point whatever he wanted I was willing to give.

He ran his tall strong fingers between my hair strand off my face " what could possibly go wrong if I gave you a ride home " a tear escaped my eye when I answered him " a lot and you know that " he shook his head slowly then whispered " I won't let anything go wrong this time " he then held me so close, squeezing me I felt I am gonna melt in his body, grabbing my hair tenderly, my eyes met his " come along Kim, my car is parked the other side" I wanted to draw a promise from him, a promise I don't think I can personally keep " it will only be a ride home Devon, nothing more " he placed his hand on his heart, faking a pledge with a devilish smile on his face " I promise " I shook my head in disbelief " I cannot believe I am doing this again  "
He put his hand on the small of my back and led me to his Porsche Cayenne
" wow a nice ride" I toured around his car while he stood beside the driver's door watching in awe, " I see that life did treat you well Devon" he moved to the passenger's door open the door with a small bow and a cunning half smile " well I paid a hefty price for everything I have got Kim" he closed the car door and came hurrying to his seat, without giving me a second look he started the engine and we head on our way to Madison.

End of chapter 2

It should have been a 2 hours ride, but in reality it was at 25 years ride with all the roads leading down the memory lane, my heart was pounding, and while I am trying to assure myself that I won't make the same mistake twice, a tiny little voice one that has been hiding under piles and years of responsibilities, one that I managed to quite a long time ago, is just warming up with its small whispers " you deserve some fun" a shhhh doesn't seem to work with it and it goes on " you know I am right, you no longer have to be the responsible single mum, Ash is all grown up now and doesn't need your protection" I shake my shoulders in disbelief " God I can't believe I am still having this conversation" I suddenly realize his piercing eyes.
"Ok I see there is a hot discussion going on inside your beautiful head, but at least share the smiles with me" I looked outside the window and didn't reply I knew he was waiting for an answer but I had nothing to share.

Trying to look composed I straightened a non existent wrinkle on my skirt and held my head up.

I could hear the sound of his breath, he too has an inner dialogue going on, maybe he feels guilty. I shook my head a second time and smiled.

"You never feel guilty.. do you?!" I surprised myself uttering those words out loud
He didn't tear away his eyes from the road. And I guessed I finally did it that would shut him off for the rest of the way.

" There has not been a day when I didn't feel guilty, Kim" May be I am imagining stuff but I think I saw a glimpse of a tear on his eyes. "it is always worse in the morning, specially when my Sarah was just a little girl, when she used to jump up in the bed between me and her mum and just lavishes me with all those sweet kisses, that's when it hits me the most Kim, the guilt of course"

a moment of silence has passed and him coming out like that did not make me feel any better, it just made me contemplate on my share of the responsibility "It was not your fault alone you know that? I too made a decision..." Devon stopped the car on the side of the road promptly which stopped me mid-sentence before saying "I put you in that situation Kim, you could not have done it alone, I forced you to end your pregnancy, I did it to us" I could not hold back my tears no more " I could have done it alone it was the nineties, single mom was not snared upon I was too coward to do it alone, I just needed someone to blame for my inability to be responsible, I needed you to hate Devon cause I could not just hate myself" he grabbed me strongly between his arms, stroking my hair " I am sorry I left Kim, as it turned out to be, all the money in the world did not make me as happy as I thought I would be, all the money of the world did not stop me of thinking about what would have been if I stayed, worked at my father's garage, and took care of our little family" I slowly pulled my self from his strong grasp and recoiled in my seat, recalling those memories was a lot to take on in one day, I looked out the window, but I could feel his body language, the same way I used to feel him 25 years ago, as if we have never parted, not for one day. everything was coming back, the lust, the love, the agony and the betrayal.

"but the New York calling was just too much to ignore? wasn't it?!" I said that without even taking a moment of hesitation, here it is the cold hard truth of our relationship, two kids fresh out of college, one eager for a career that would remove all the of the old stigma of being the mechanics son, a boy determined to be much more than his old man could ever dream.

"I cannot do this Kim" I looked at him in haze while he was shaking his head " I thought I can, but I really cannot, seeing you today all I could think of was how the hell did I manage to lose you, how I arrived to the point where I am with you in one place but I cannot get a hold over you" he took a deep breath with what seems to be an inner struggle, his sound was deep and tearful when went on " but what I seemed to intentionally forget was the fact that agony always accompanies you" I could feel my blood boiling through my veins when I yelled on the top of my throat "Agony accompanies me...... me, you know nothing about agony, you know nothing about pain, you know nothing about being betrayed, agony accompanies me??" I only stopped to try to get a grip over myself but I failed miserably, what happened next was something that was out of my control as if I was watching myself from behind, I was hitting him non stop slapping him over the face kicking his shoulders.




He was not even resisting all my violence, as if I by accepting it, he was redeeming himself. when it was over, I could not feel anything, all  blank, I found myself opening the car door, and I decided to leave, all of that, all of him, all of us.




The End of chapter 3

I went out of the car, and I kept running, and running, I did not know where I was, or where am I going, I was litterly in the middle of no where, all I knew is I had to get out of his presence as fast as I could.

Suddenly a pulling force held me back without even me realizing I was stopped and almost went dropping back when his eyes found me, I tried taking back my arm from his strong grip but it did not work out " Let me go" I shouted with a voice suffocated with a lot of tears and past desperation.


"Let you go where Kim, we are in the middle of no where, we are in a interstate road, are you planning on hitch hiking your way home" I did not want to hear his voice, I did not want his proximity and finally I gained my arm back and kept running, he yelled in despair " fine suit yourself, if you want to get killed it is ok by me I do not care"


I did not look back, his masked threats of death by a stranger is not getting into me, I won't.

a few minutes later my pace began to slow and I stopped to catch my breath, I looked around and the road was almost empty, I began to realize that I have about 38 hours of slow strolling back to Madison, I let that reality sit, and decided to take it as it goes, may be some nice family would stop and pick me up, my inner voice being sarcastic as always" the mansons for instance"


A car was approaching from behind me, and it slowed down, and I knew it was him, I thought he must have passed me during my angry stride but apparently he stood still where I left him.

"If your plan is to go home walking, then my plan is to drive at the same pace, I don't care, I have all the time of the world" I did not look at him, gave him my cold cheek and continued walking.

for the next 15 mins he kept his promise, he kept driving keeping up with my slow pace, the problem was I could not keep up with my slow pace, damn you Ash for being always right, I really need to get in shape, my inner voice was already saying "Dah" but until I could get home and sign into a gym, I will not embarrass myself in front of him, I went on for another five minutes before I stopped completely and bent down on my knees. I stood up trying to catch some breath and he parked the car just right by my side.
" Kim ..." he opened the car door, I wish I could have hold on to my rage for a little longer but seemingly I can't.
Without replying I slammed the car door and opened the backseat door and delved inside




" I am not your driver Kim" Devon stated indifferently, " you are today" I replied with the same tone.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Your storytelling is strong & imaginative, whereas the mechanics of your writing are well done, but could do with some polishing. You are especially talented at crafting realistic dialogue, which unfolds character development in a palpable way, as if we are feeling your characters as well as getting to know them. I enjoyed your overall premise, two parents taking their different kids to college. Even tho most of your dialogue is well-done, it seems that first greeting between Ash & Devon was a bit sparse for such a tense & awkward situation (not clear if there's a good or bad vibe between dad & daughter). I know you don't care to hear about grammar, but one rule that could be helpful is to use a new paragraph each time a new person is speaking. Since your dialogue is so well-done, I hate that it's a bit confusing when more than one person is speaking, all in the same paragraph, seeming a little jumbled & hard to follow. Not that I would think any writer wants to revamp a story that much, but this is just a suggestion to keep in mind for future story writing. Continue on becuz practice is the best way to develop when you're already a good storyteller naturally (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[salmamofty]

Thanks a lot for taking the time to read and evaluate my work I am grateful for all the advice you gave me and will try and avoid mistakes you pointed