As Long As I Live

I thought I could fly; so, why did I drown?

 

AS LONG AS I LIVE

 

 

The saline amusement of your eyes,

The infectious carelessness of your smile,

The way your locks swell and shine:

I shall never forget them.

As long as I live, as long as I live.

 

The time you freed your hand from mine,

The time you went down the road less taken in life,

The time you never looked back, and into my eyes:

I shall never forgive them.

As long as I live, as long as I live.

 

The way you danced fearlessly in the rain,

The way you frowned - lines furrowing your face,

All the silly little pranks that you played:

I shall always love them.

As long as I live, as long as I live.

 

Your untrue promises and words,

Your blazing-freezing universe,

Your merciless, remorseless love:

I shall always hate them.

As long as I live, as long as I live.

*  *  *

 

Author's Note

This is translated from a poem I heard a while back. Tried to keep as close to the rhythm as possible. Hope you like it. Suggestions would be most welcome.

Reviews

[Norman T]

This is a beautifully written piece. "The saline amusement of your eyes" was a superb metaphor, which could equally refer to sorrowful tears . The repeated last lines also took on a different significance in each verse.
Did the original have the same sublety of language?

Norman

[Sally Hope]

The original DID have the same subtlety, actually; which is why I tried to keep it as indirect as possible. I'm glad that you liked it, and thank you for reading it.

[zunie frost]

wow this is true emotional ..poetry .. i really like it ... last stanza was really good ... 100% ratings from me

[Sally Hope]

Aww, Zunie! Thank you so, so much. It really means a lot that you took the time to read this. Visit again, anytime you want :)
PS: Last stanza is my personal favorite, too.

[zunie frost]

I will surely remember that !!!! Please you are welcome to visit my profile as well........ And no problem you deserve the comments

[Insight "MH"]

It's really puzzling to me which one will conquer the other the bad or good memories, it may differ from one person to another.

Insight.

[Sally Hope]

So true, Insight. The original poem made me think precisely those thoughts, which was why I decided it needed to be heard - or, read - by many. Thanks for stopping by.

[Insight "MH"]

You are welcome ^_^

[alifeacoustic]

Love it. Has a beautiful yet poignant flow to it, with the to and fro from never forget to never forgive, love to hate, is almost hypnotic. This has a real energy to it that rises and falls throughout, but somehow never diminishes.

[Sally Hope]

Thank you so much for that amazing review. Those words mean a lot. Tank yu!

[alifeacoustic]

velkommin :)

[Johnny]

Its very nice... I like how she defends herself at the end.. I was thinking this poem could be turned into a song rather easily..

[Sally Hope]

My thoughts, precisely. The defense she puts up in the end is what originally urged me to translate the poem. Thanks for the lovely review.

[Johnny]

anytime sweetie!

[Dead]

This is really beautiful :) great job

[Sally Hope]

Thank you so much, Lost Rose! I'm glad you found it beautiful.

[Dead]

You can call me Ruby lol

[Sally Hope]

Ruby (Just called you, in case you didn't notice).

[KWP]

It is a strong poem - carries its own force - I think it gets let down with all of the 'telling' and not enough'showing' for example you say 'the time you went down the road less taken' - telling - the reader does not get drawn in when they are simply told whats happening - you can bring it alive by usuing your five senses to create vivid imagery - for example 'you trod in the early morning mist, the sweet smell of dew drops keeping you company along the non-existant trail' ok so it doesn't go with the rhythm of your poem but it is early here and my brain is fuzzled - but I hope you get the gist. Think to yourself how could you describe 'merciless, remorseless love' in the five senses? or The silly pranks you played - what silly pranks? I have no idea ...

I know you said this is just a translation - but because of the above mentioned notes I was not drawn in to this poetry.

Hope it helps and look forward to reading more X

[Sally Hope]

It did help, KWP. This is my first time translating something, so I kind of tried to stay strictly to the original words. If I do a translation-piece again, I will surely keep that in mind :)

[Chris]

I would have appreciated a link to the original - at least a title and possibly author to visit.

[Sally Hope]

I'm not sure about the author, but I will surely include the title in the "Author's Note". Thank you for the review.

[Chris]

Without the original I really can't comment as to the rhythm, flow, and translation of thought and intent - just saying...

[Sally Hope]

I'll try to include a link to the Hindi poem. If I find one on the net, that is ...

[Chris]

Nice... appreciate that.

[MelissaAndres]

I'm not exactly sure why but as I read this I just imagine it being song lyrics. I didn't have a tune in my head or anything that far but it just seemed soft in nature to me ... like a slow country song. I don't think I'm explaining myself very well! Haha! I really liked it. Good job.

[Sally Hope]

I know exactly what you mean. Although not intended as a song, the poem I translated this from does have a very serene flow to it. I'm glad you liked this.

[MelissaAndres]

I know you didn't intend it as a song -- it just seemed to flow that way for me. I did like it very much! :)

[Strawberry Evil]

Like it very much, nothing to suggest as editing really... :D And the picture also fit the mood really well :)
Really beautifully written, I like the rhythm and the story behind it :)

[Sally Hope]

Thanks for stopping by, and that wonderful review! And as for the picture ... #TumblrForever :D

[Strawberry Evil]

No prob! :D Haha, don't really use it that much, guess I should :D

[Sally Hope]

DON'T use it, trust me, you'll be thanking me when you're old and grey. That site contains loads of fanfictions you wish you could unread and forget.

[Strawberry Evil]

Hahaha XD Okay, thanks :D ... i remember reading some really shocking fanfics when I was little XD So might be best to stay away then :D

[Sally Hope]

Browsing through tumblr when "little" ... NOT a good idea, girl, NEVER a good idea.

[Strawberry Evil]

I know that now. :D

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the complete poem.
"The way you danced fearlessly in the rain,
The way you frowned - lines furrowing your face,
All the silly little pranks that you played:
I shall always love them.
As long as I live, as long as I live."
The above lines can stand alone. Thank you for the amazing journey in your words and thoughts.
Coyote

[Sally Hope]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, Coyote. It means a lot.

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.